BE THANKFUL ALWAYS!!!!

Its been a whole Year!

2010-08-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

(This is not my car! Just a picture I found of a car crash)

It has been a year ago today that I got in my car accident. I have been car-less now for an entire year!!!

Being car-less has taught me a lot! I have learned to do without a lot of things! I have learned to enjoy being at my house and celebrating the simple things in life, and I have learned to be grateful for what I have.

This past year I have had to walk or rely on family if I needed or wanted to go anywhere! My kids have been such troopers! They have been right there with me as we walked to and from school, to the grocery store, to the doctors office, to and from Soccer games and practices, they even walked with me to register for my college classes. I

I have heard very few complaints (in fact I have heard them complain more when we actually get in a car because someone is touching someone and Kiana is boy trapped.) Walking is actually the more peaceful way to travel!

There is no way I could have gotten through this year without the help of family and friends! There have been some instances that walking was completely out of the question (snow, rain, or to far of a distance) My parents, and Jeremy's Dad have been so willing to help assist me! There have been instances of emergency and dear friends have allowed me to borrow a vehicle to get me where I needed to go!

Also I have been so appreciative of people being willing to come to my house for play dates and visits! It has been such a blessing to have friends that are so understanding!

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that not having a car has been the most amazing experience of my life. Because it has been hard, and even today I have felt frustration about my lack of transportation. There have been days that I have cried, because all I wanted to do was take my kids out to a museum or take a drive to the canyon. I have had days I have needed groceries or maybe a gift for a birthday party and I have felt irritated inside that I couldn't just go and get one.

I know in life there are lesson's to be learned in every experience! This experience is no different. I have learned many lesson's and I'm continuing to learn more everyday! I have had to become organized in my grocery shopping and list making. Knowing that if I forget something at the store I can't just go back to get it has made a huge difference in my planning! I have learned that I don't need to go anywhere to have fun with my kids! We do fun activities every single day here at our house. I have saved so much money because we don't go out very often. When we do go out it is special. Like the other day we walked to Taco Bell and stopped by at the local pet store. The kids were so excited you would have thought we were going to Disneyland.

I feel like the kids and I have become closer. We are always together, and the walks we go on to go places are filled with conversation. The 5 minute drive to school is now a 15 minute walk the conversations we have had on the way to and from school are ones I will cherish!

I don't know when I will be getting a vehicle. It could be in 2 weeks or maybe 2 years (I'm hoping closer to the 2 weeks) but, until that time I will continue to do my best to be patient and to learn the valuable lesson's I need to learn each and everyday!

Potato Chips

2010-07-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

Desmond and his Potato Chips

The other night while Desmond was enjoying some potato chips, I hear him yell " Mom I found a horse" totally confused I turned around to see him holding up a potato chip he thought looked like a horse. Throughout the rest of the evening he kept pulling out different potato chips and telling me what he thought they looked like. Above are pictures of the Horse Chip, a Rock, and a Caterpillar. Can you figure out which one is which?

I find it so interesting how each of us can look at the same thing and see something completely different. Perspective is very unique!

I probably would have grabbed the chip that Desmond thought was a horse and looked at it with disappointment, thinking to myself (crappy chip its all messed up!) But, my little Desmond saw this chip and was so excited he had found a really cool chip, a chip that looked like a horse (at least he thought it looked like a horse, Karston thought it looked like teeth)

I'm going to do my best this week to keep a positive perspective on things. When life hands me or those around me a weird looking chip. I'm not going to look at it with disappointment but, try to look for its uniqueness and beauty. I'm going to be happy with whatever I grab out of the bag this week! Let's see how it goes!

You have to Learn how to crawl!!

2010-07-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

My sweet little Kendrick is coming up on his First Birthday! I can't believe how fast time has gone by!

Well, Kendrick refuses to crawl! He cries, and puts on this sad little show every single time I lay him down on his tummy! He totally has it down and can make himself look so pathetic! Whenever I put him down and allow him to try to crawled one of the older kids walk in the room, they give me the hardest time about how I am torturing their brother. How I need to go and pick him up. They have even walked over to him and picked him up and commiserated with him. Its horrible!

Well tonight the kids were gone and my Parents came over, I told my Mom about my situation. Most of my kids were walking by this time and this little man won't even crawl! My Mom asked if I pick him up every time he puts on his sad face. I said No, I usually let him cry a little while. She gave me a look like (Karli I know you just pick him up) Then my Dad took Kendrick from me went across the room and put him down on his tummy.

The poor child started screaming, rubbing his eyes, giving just the performance of his life. I sat across the room snapping my fingers, pounding on the ground anything I could to get his attention. I knew if he just looked at me and saw I wasn't that far away he would calm down a little.

Well, a few minutes past and I was about to go and pick up my poor baby (I felt like crying by this point) and my Mom stopped me. She said Karli don't pick him up! Let him do this! You know and I know he can do this. So I stepped back and sure enough that little boy crying the whole way, army crawled across the room into my arms.

As soon as I picked him up the crying stopped and he snuggled right into me. You could tell he was worn out not only from army crawling but, from all the crying and emotions he was expressing so loudly as he made his way across the room!

My Mom looked at me and said Karli your just going to have to let him cry and he will be crawling in no time.

After my parents left and I put Kendrick down for bed I started to think (surprised I know I seem to psycho analyze everything)

I thought about how Heavenly Father and Mother are a perfect example of teaching a child how to "Crawl" I thought about the many times I have prayed to have a burden lifted from me because it seemed to hard to bear! I thought about the times when I wanted so badly for someone to enable me and take away the situation I was in.

But, Heavenly Father knows better then to just pick us up! He knows we can do hard things and sometimes it takes a couple of days of crying (or maybe months) until we figure out we can do this and then move on toward the next challenge.

One of the lessons I thought of as I was watching Kendrick move across the floor was while I was watching him try to crawl to me I thought to myself "Man, if he would just stop crying he could focus more and crawl so much easier. Also this would become a positive situation rather then a struggle"

Wow, that hit me like a slap in the face. Man, I just need to stop crying (not literally I'm not crying all the time) about my problems but, how much easier it would be to focus on the situation at hand and use all my energies toward accomplishing and overcoming the situation if I just stopped crying. I need to be happy about the situation and it will not only bless my life but, those who are around me.

Then finally when I reach the end of my Journey and I can reach out and touch the Hands of my Heavenly Father I know he will be so proud of me I know I will feel that same security Kendrick felt when I picked him up.

The Gospel truly teaches us how to become better parents and better people! I am so thankful for these daily lessons I learn from the small and simple things in my life!

Protection

2010-07-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of Karston at the Local Zoo. We went their and visited for Kiana's Birthday this year. This picture is the backdrop to my computer so I look at it often.

Today as I was looking at this picture I started to think about how playful and cute those tigers looked! I just want to pet one. Karston looks like he could just stretch forth his hand and touch one on the head. What a thrill that would be.

Then I thought about the layer of glass that was between Karston and the 4 tigers on the other side. This glass was put their for his protection and made it possible for him to be with these tigers but, be safe and protected. Even tho those tigers look soft and cuddly and fun to play with. They are dangerous and could literally eat you alive.

As I thought about this picture and how close Karston is to those tigers a quote came to me "Be in the world but, not of it"

What type of glass do I have that is protecting me and my family from the "Tigers" of our world? Have I put up a barrier that would stop a ferocious beast from hurting my family? I know that each and everyday I need to put up a wall of protection around my little family. I know this includes and is not limited to; family prayer, scripture study, family fun time, and quality one on one time with each of my children.

I know there are so many "Tigers" in our lives and often they look cuddly and fun to play with. That is why I will be doing my best to teach my kids about the dangers in this world and for as long as I can put up that wall of protection between them and the "Tigers" My hope is as they grow they will learn to do this on their own and they will learn "To be in the world but, not of it"

My child swallowed WHAT???

2010-07-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

This past week and a half have been somewhat out of control! My youngest was Hospitalized and emergency transported to a children's hospital. No parent wants to see their child suffering. At the Hospital I went through so many emotions. I felt scared then positive about a full recovery, then 10 seconds later I would feel overwhelmed and then helpless. It was nothing short of a roller coaster of emotions.

As you can see from the pictures above. My little man swallowed a clothes pin. I know its hard to imagine! But, the Doctors said if it can fit through a toilet paper roll you baby can swallow it! This thought is insane to me! To make a long story short....really short I tend to go on and on. Kendrick is home and is recovering now.

I didn't sleep much at the hospital, Kendrick and I were there for 5 nights. The other kids stayed with my parents and Romney and Kirstin (a big thank you to all of you!) So to say the least I was pretty exhausted when I got home. I was so thankful for my sister who had come to my house and folded all my laundry (Kira you are a Saint) but, even with that help I walked into my house and wanted to cry. I felt overwhelmed with the condition my home was in. I just wanted to lay down but, knew I couldn't. I was kinda freaked out about anything on the floor that could fit through a toilet paper roll.

So that night the kids returned home (it was so good to see them I missed them so much) Then I put them all to bed. Kendrick went to sleep around 11pm then, I started the overhaul of my house. I was up until 3:00am cleaning. When I finally laid down, Kendrick woke up. I wanted to cry (actually I think I was crying) but, you gotta do what you gotta do. I went into Kendrick's room and rocked my poor sick baby back to sleep.

I did get a hour of sleep after putting Kendrick down and before Karston and Desmond got up. Later on that morning my mom called and I felt so bad I really was snappy at her on the phone. She told me she thought I probably should have gone to bed and waited to clean. Me in my irrationalness got irritated and got off the phone with her. I sat down and thought to myself, I knew she was right. I just, well when I get so tired I don't function well. I don't prioritize and I tend to obsess over the small stuff.

So the last few nights I have done my best to get a proper amount of sleep (with some help from Tylenol PM) I feel like I'm getting back to the normal Karli.

I've accomplished a lot since I have been home, my website is up and running check it out www.anexcusetocelebrate.com, my preschool classes are filling up, I've registered for Fall Semester at UVU, My house is clean, My lawn is mowed, My kids are fed and Happy, Kendrick is doing better each and everyday, and last but, not least I'm no longer the crazy sleepless lady I was a couple days ago!!

Thank you so much to everyone who kept Kendrick in their prayers the past week! I can't thank you enough!

I'm NOT a runner!

2010-07-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

I'm NOT a runner! I don't have the genetics, the strength, or any natural ability when it comes to running. I run because it is hard and I want to prove to myself I can do hard things.

Some of you are aware that I have taken on the challenge of running. This is no easy task for me, I'm not good at running. I run a little funny, I'm not fast, and I have to work hard every single run (there is no such thing as a easy run for me.)

Because of my GBS when I was younger my left leg is a lot weaker/smaller than my right leg and it causes me a lot of difficulty when I am running. If you watch me run, a lot of the times it looks like I am dragging my left leg behind me. I get asked a lot if I twisted a ankle, or if my knee hurts? I often times just agree with people saying, "yes my ankle hurts or my knee is sore" just not wanting to go into the details of my life (I know that is horrible.)

Today while running my left leg totally gave up on me. I find this so frustrating!!! My poor right leg takes on all the weight. With each step I felt my left leg give, at one time almost tripping. I didn't want my sister to know what was going on because I wanted to be her encourager and strength for her first race. So I continued on knowing I could make it through till the end of the race.

I have been running a lot lately and participating in whatever race I can. This was the first time I truly felt like my left leg had given up. I just didn't want anyone to know. I hate feeling different, or having anyone feel bad for me.

Before I knew it we were at the finish line and I was so proud of my sister she beat her best time! I was so glad that I could be there with her. I felt pretty good by the end of the race. I was able to keep a good pace despite some of my challenges.

It wasn't until later on today I realized what I had done. My poor right leg is so sore!! My right knee and foot are totally swollen. I somehow over compensated for my weak leg with my strong leg. But, because of that act I now have 2 weak legs.

Tonight instead of going to my parents house for 4th of July dinner I sat at home thinking about how I'm going to fix my legs so I can run tomorrow? What had I done? I felt so frustrated at myself, frustrated that my left leg is weak and frustrated that I had hurt my strong side.

Then because my mind is weird I started to think about how this lesson applied to my life. How many times in my life have I overcompensated for something? Are there weaknesses in my life I don't want anyone to know about? Do I hide them?, overcompensating for my weak side, with my strengths. Do we all do this?. Does this act help anything? Does making up the lack make things better or only hurt you in the end?

I have found in my life that when I try to overcompensate for things rather then just focusing on the problem. Things don't ever get better, in fact I cause myself a lot more work. This usually results in feeling hurt, and disappointed.

I know the answer when it comes to my legs. I need to focus my attention on my weaknesses, strengthening my left side. Yes, it will be embarrassing going to the gym and allowing people around me to see that I'm not as strong as I have allowed people to think. It will be hard, because this is a weakness and it will require dedication and patience. I really am nervous to show this weakness. I like people thinking I have overcome this problem already.

I'm going to do the same thing in my personal and emotional/mental status. I need to focus my attentions on my weaknesses. Knowing sometimes that will make me vulnerable, and those around me will see my weaknesses. But, in so doing my weaknesses will soon become strengths and then I will be able to stand up and truly say with conviction "I can do hard things"

So bring on the Marathon, here I come.

The Cake

2010-06-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out!

This past week was Kiana's Birthday. It has been a fun filled week! It all started last Sunday when we celebrated Kiana's Birthday with my family. Kiana told me she wanted a rainbow cake. So I went online and found this AMAZING rainbow cake. It looked simple enough but, as I started reading the directions the recipe called for a lot of things I did not have. I figured I could finagle my way around things.

So my cake making adventure began. I decided a four layer cake would be perfect. Kiana helped me pick the colors she liked the most. As we started I felt confident I knew I could pull this cake off without a hitch (at least I thought) So I put the first two layers in the oven and started making the 3rd and 4th layers. Then the Home Teachers came over. Great Lesson but, during their time here my first two layers finished baking. a I didn't want to seem rude, so I quickly grabbed the cake from out of the oven and set them on top of the stove. Knowing in my gut if I didn't flip them out now they were going to stick and then I would have a real problem.

But, I went back and finished the lesson with the Home Teachers. If you can really call it a lesson when Desmond is running around like a crazy person and the other kids are acting really weird. To put it in plain terms I was fully embarrassed by the time the Home Teachers left and wanted to send all four of my children home with the Home Teachers (but, with the way the kids were acting I know they wouldn't have taken them)

So now being a bit frazzled I went back into the kitchen and attempted to release the cake from the pans. Right when I flipped the first cake I felt it, it had totally stuck. I wanted to cry because I had to be at my parents house in less them 45 minutes. I took a deep breath and flipped out the other cake. Again it stuck!!! Another deep breath and maybe some not so good thoughts about the cake. Okay I thought to myself I still have 2 other layers. If worst comes to worse I will just do 2 layers.

The next two layers came out perfect!!! I started to assemble the cake. The cake was still hot so I knew the icing was going to melt. But, I had no choice! I wanted to cry the whole time I was putting the cake together. It looked so horrible!!!! The icing was dripping off the cake. The layers looked uneven. I seriously contemplated throwing the whole cake away. The cake looked horrific!!!

So my Grandpa came to my house to pick the kids and I up to go to my parents home. My Grandpa is so sweet and looked at my cake and said "Karli Sue, the cake looks wonderful" I said "Grandpa I know the cake looks scary" he chuckled and said something about how it all goes in and out the same way. Well, I was still mortified by my cake fiasco. We get to my parents and I bring the cake right upstairs. I asked my if she had any whipping cream. She said she did and we would fix the cake after dinner.

So after dinner we brought up the problem cake. My mom made some whipping cream and covered the cake. It looked perfect!

After singing Happy Birthday we cut into the cake and I was so pleased! It looked AWESOME and Kiana loved it! It was funny all the things that I thought were going to ruin the cake actually made it better. The icing that I had put on the cake melted into the cake making it insanely moist and gave it a really rich flavor. The whipping cream gave the cake a light feeling not weighted down by to much frosting. No one said anything about the layers being uneven. The cake that I was about to throw in the garbage ended up being Kiana's favorite part of the day!!

I learned a valuable lesson on patience, not giving up, and humility. Its okay if things don't turn out perfect or the way we envision it! Because in the end its what we make of it! I could turn this into a big analogy how what is on the outside doesn't matter. What counts is what is on the inside. But, I'm not going to today because today the lesson I needed was to make the best out of what you got and on Sunday I did that with Kiana's Birthday cake. Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can do it with my life!

Love, Live, Teach. Repeat!!!

2010-06-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

I just melt whenever I see this picture of my little Kendrick! He is so sweet and innocent. When I look into his little eyes I feel the trust he has in me. He never doubts my abilities to care for him, he just trusts that I will do what is best for him.

When I look at my four kids and realize the true weight of my responsibilities. To say the least I am overwhelmed. I want so much for them to fulfill their quest in life and to reach their full potential.

Today in Relief Society are lesson was based on a few different talks given in the last General Conference. Each of these talks were about raising and taking care of our rising generation.

Talk about a heavy responsibility we each hold! Not, just women who are Mom's but, EVERYONE! We each have such a huge responsibility within our circle of influence and beyond to be good examples and to help raise a righteous generation.

I feel really blessed in my life (as I'm sure so many of you do also) to be surrounded by amazing children! I'm blessed to have four in my own home! I also have family and friends who have incredible children who I have had the awesome blessing of knowing and being being apart of their lives.

I love kids and I often say I talk better to kids then I do adults. I spend most of my day teaching, playing. and caring for my kids. But, as much as I love my kids I would be lying if I said it was always easy. I have days that its 5 o'clock and I'm thinking of ways I could justify putting the kids to bed early. I have days where I feel like a complete failure and that no matter how hard I try I'm never going to be the mom I want to be.

This lesson had a great quote in it (actually it had a lot of good quotes) but, this quote gave some very direct answers. Here it is;

Now, I would ask you to look around you at those you love. This is what matters most--our families. I am sure that more than anything, you want this family to be yours eternally. The account in 3 Nephi can help us bring our children to Him because it gives us a pattern to follow. First, we must LOVE the Lord with all our hearts, and we must LOVE our children. Second, we must become a worthy example to them by continually seeking the Lord with all our hearts, and striving to LIVE the gospel. Third, we must TEACH our children the gospel and how to live its teachings.
(Sister Lant)

So I'm taking the Logo from the Ragnar Relay (Run, Drive, Sleep. Repeat) and changing it to my Family Logo Love, Live, Teach. Repeat!!!

It seems so simple doesn't it. We all love our children (sometimes not our neighbors children) but, for the most part loving little children is not a difficult thing for me. I love the Lord and I strive each day to love him with all of my heart. I need to make sure I give my entire heart to the Lord and not save a piece for the world because I know there are days when the world creeps in and I know and I would be foolish to say it didn't happen but, the world gets a hold of my heart. Sometimes through thoughts of loneliness, worthlessness, and just not being able to live up to my own expectations. I cannot allow this to happen anymore because its fair to my kids or myself.

Living the Gospel and continually seeking the Lord. Each day I make a goal to learn something. To Seek the Lord in all things (even if it is while I'm making dinner and scrubbing the bathroom) I have found there are lessons in every aspect of life. I know I'm on the right track but, there is so much more I want to be doing!

Next teaching the gospel and how to live its teachings. This one at first I thought "I totally have that covered! We do FHE, family gospel study time, read scriptures, family prayer" But, then I really started thinking about it. I started thinking about the way I learn things. The lessons I best remember and the ones that stuck with me were the ones I saw played out in life. When I watched someone go through a hard situation and they rose up and met the challenge and overcame the challenge with grace and dignity. Those are the lessons I truly learned from. Most of the time I'm positive the person who I was watching had no idea they were teaching a lesson.

Have there been times in my life I have allowed life to get the better of me? Have I allowed my kids to see me discouraged and downtrodden? YES, I know I have! Was I teaching them to rely on the Gospel and to live its teachings? Did I think of those moments as teaching opportunities? Or did I only rely on the scripture study we had earlier that day to bear testimony of gospel truths?

I'm making a goal to LOVE, LIVE, AND TEACH! Each and everyday to all those around me!! I will do my best to teach in those moments of trial.

I am so thankful for those around me who have Loved, Lived and Taught me so much!! My Family has been a major influence in my life and my parents have been a great example of this to me. Many of my friends Mom's have influenced my life and the type of Women I wanted to be and become (Sis. Critchfield, Sis. Brown, Sis. Millett, Sis. Ator, Sis. Zimmerman, Sis. Ellis, Sis. VanCottBerge, Sis. Cardon) the list goes on and on I can think of countless Young Women Leaders, School Teachers, and so many others who have Loved, Lived, and Taught!

I am truly humbled by the opportunity I have as a Mom, Sister, Aunt, Friend, Teacher, Crazy lady down the street to influence this rising generation. I will do my best to stay on track and to always Love, Live, and Teach!

In Wonderland

2010-06-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to get this movie out of my head! For the past few days words and phrases from this movie keep popping in my head! I'm going to share with you some of my thoughts and why I think Alice teaches us all some important lessons.

Alice: "From the moment I fell down that rabbit whole, I've been told what I must do and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched and stuffed into a Tea Pot. I've been accused of being Alice and not being Alice, but this is my dream!!! I'll decide where it goes from here!
Dog- If you diverge from the path-
Alice- I make the path!

This quote has been playing over and over again in my head. How often I feel like this. There are days I have felt shrunk, stretched, scratched, (never stuffed into a tea pot), but, I have felt like I have been pretty beat up on by the world around me. I have been accused of being myself and not being myself. Both of which seem wrong at times.

But, Alice does something here I don't usually do. She stands up for herself and says "This is my dream! I'll decide where it goes from here!" Then with resolution says " I make the path"

How different would my life be if I made the conscious effort to say each day This is my dream, I'll decide where it goes, I make my own path. And to say that on days when I feel beaten down, shrunk, scratched, and stretched. This would change so much!!

We each have the power to change our lives. I often times think like the Dog in Alice in Wonderland " But, if you diverge from the path" I get so scared that if I trust myself I will only be making the wrong decisions and it will divert me from the path I want to be on. I put so much trust in those around me I so often feel like they would all know better then me what I should do in my life.

I have made the decision in the last few weeks to trust myself. I have given myself permission to follow my gut instinct for a whole week. I don't think I can mess up my life to bad in one week. I want to get my "Muchness" back. I used to be much more muchier and I miss that!

Throughout this movie we watch Alice become the Alice she was destined to be. We watch her defeat the Jabberwalkee a monster she never believed she could beat.

I hope one day to conquer the Javverwalkee's in my life and to become the Karli I am destined to be. And when someone asks for a Champion I will be ready to take my place as such.

So for now when I ask myself the question "Have I gone mad?" I will think to myself "Yes, yes I have. I'm entirely bonkers. But, all the best people are." and go on my way knowing I'm just in Wonderland.

Forgiveness is truly a Miracle

2010-06-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was the Summerfest. It really didn't feel much like summer at all!!! We were all bundled up in sweaters and blankets. It was really cold! But, so so worth it!! The parade was FUN, and the Fireworks were amazing!!

I truly can't remember a year (rain, snow, sun) that my family has missed the Summerfest. We are there every year!! It is a constant in my life amongst a world of chaos (I wonder if that is why I love it so much?)

I feel like it was not only raining outside this weekend but, inside my house also! Kendrick and Desmond came down with Roseola or Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease (two different doctors, two different diagnosis) Oh well, either way they had really high fevers and horrible rashes. They were both miserable.

You know how it is when your kids are sick and they want to be held all the time. Everything else seems to fall apart. The laundry stacks up and dishes are left uncleaned in the sink. All the little things I do each day that don't seem like that big of a deal at the time start adding up.

So to say the least I have been a little stressed out. I wasn't able to go to church on Sunday worried that the boys would still be contagious. I hate missing church!! It really uplifts my spirits and helps rejuvenate me for the up-coming week. So the kids and I had church at home. It turned out really cute!! Karston taught a great lesson! Desmond led us all in song. Kiana had me read a story from the friend. Kendrick slept (yes, Thank you angel baby) and I enjoyed just being with my kids!

Lately I have had a really hard time sleeping! I am up until the early hours of the morning! Its insane, I'm not watching TV or reading a good book. I just purely can't go to sleep. On average each night I have been sleeping about 4 hours.

The other night I made the decision to do something useful with my time since I was up anyway. I started making a list of things I could do (p90x for the 2nd time, clean, laundry, update my status on Facebook) none of things truly felt like it was what I was supposed to be doing. I know what you are thinking right now. That's because I should be sleeping. I know, I know.....

Well, while I was laying in bed contemplating what I should do. I leaned over to grab the remote for the DVD player. But, the remote was missing from its usual spot on my night stand. Urgh I thought to myself. Which one of the kids moved the remote? I crawled onto the floor and started my search for the remote.

I glanced around the room and couldn't see it. I decided to look under the bed, I lifted the dust ruffle and there it was. But, it wasn't within arms reach, it was all the way in the middle of the floor under my bed. So I shimmied myself under the bed (I know imagine this you will all get a good laugh) the whole time I'm doing this I was contemplating how I was going to get back out?, What would happen if I got stuck?, and a few other things like what if I encounter a spider. Well as I was slithering under the bed I noticed a book under the bed also. I grabbed the remote and kept moving forward toward the book (what was a book doing under my bed anyway?) I finally reached the book and started my backward slitter out from underneath my California king bed.

As my body completely exited the underside of my bed I felt grateful that I hadn't snagged my clothing or gotten stuck. I situated myself back on the bed and finally took a look at the book that was under my bed.

The book that was hiding under my bed was "The Miracle of Forgiveness" I took a look at this book. It was old and tattered, it was a copy I had purchased 10 years ago. I bought this book when my Institute teacher encouraged each of us to read it and to truly come to a understanding of the atonement.

I sat there contemplating the book turning pages and remembering lessons and things I had learned when I had read that book so many years ago. I noticed notes and specific lines I had underlined and highlighted. My mind was flooded with memories.

I sat down the remote and decided my time would better much better spent studying this great book. I wondered if my life experiences would change my perspective. I wondered if I would learn the same lessons if I read this book again. I knelt down beside my bed and asked my Heavenly Father to be with me while reading this book and to help me look and to learn from its words in a new perspective, one that would benefit my life now!

I began to read and read and read some more. The pages seemed to fly by. I completely lost track of time. My mind was so engrossed in what I was learning. This was exactly what I needed! I lost myself in this marvelous book!

As the pages kept turning I realized I was almost done reading the entire book. I didn't want to look at the time or stop because I didn't want to loose the momentum I had. I kept reading determined to learn what I needed to learn.

As the book came to a close I turned to look at the clock 4:45am. I layed down on my pillow and found myself asleep for about 15 minutes then I heard Kendrick wake up and Karston coming up the stairs. I layed there thinking to myself (I wish I could sleep why did I stay up all night??) Karston came into my room with Kendrick in his arms "look Mom I brought you Kendrick, I'm being good already this morning" In my mind I was thinking if he only knew. But, I smiled at him and told him thank you and took Kendrick from him.

My mind kept going back to the words I had read early that morning. I knew there was some reason I needed to have read that book.

I went throughout my day very tired and I'm sure grumpy. The kids were sick, I was tired, and life is just hard. That day seemed to last forever. The minutes crept along like hours and hours like days. I was so looking forward to night! I was looking forward to alone time and hopefully sleep.

Night time finally arrived and the kids were in bed. I thought back on the previous night and wondered if it was really worth staying up all night reading?? I really am crazy I thought to myself.

I got my pjs on and was getting ready for bed when I had a experience that I can honestly say changed me. I felt something lifted from me. It was amazing!!! Like I was floating!! At that moment I understood exactly why I had read "The Miracle of Forgiveness" It all made sense and it was truly Amazing! The feeling I felt was not only the feeling of being forgiven but, the feeling to be able to forgive.

My eyes filled with tears and I knew this was exactly what I needed!!! I went back to my night stand and grabbed the book and reread some of the passages I had underlined. Why hadn't this dawned on me before? This book was not just about being forgiven but, it was a guideline of how to forgive.

I am so thankful for this sweet experience! I know because of this experience it truly has changed my life.

I'm thankful for my strong belief in the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I owe all that I am and everything I want to become to that.

I encourage all of those who are reading this post to go out and read for the first time or the hundredth time "The Miracle of Forgiveness" read it and allow the spirit to feel your heart! Allow the spirit to teach you what you personally need to learn. Whether it be that you can be forgiven, how to forgive others, or how to forgive yourself. I promise that you will feel exactly what I did a weight lifted and your heart healed.

Inspirations from the Ensign

2010-06-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

Okay I found these Baby Mum Mums at Winco. I love them!!! They are not messy and Kendrick eats them up! They are great for teething little kiddos! I was nervous at first but, I'm so pleased with this product! It is a must try!!

Its like a Big RICE Cracker! Its crisp but, dissolves fast!

Karston is so funny he would not leave Kendrick's side today! Karston loves playing with his little brothers (and sister)

It was the kids Dad's Birthday at the end of last month and the kids wanted to make him a special dinner. So today the kids helped put together a dinner for their Dad and Step-Mom. Kiana was so into it! She wouldn't take off the apron. They made the dinner and brought it over to their Dad's house this evening. It sounds like everything went well!

Okay so funny! Desmond was dancing with this penguin all morning! He was laughing and singing to the penguin! I love it! I have to get this on tape!!

Then all the kids (even Kendrick) crawled inside this tunnel! This was a dangerous game and Kendrick and Kiana lasted only about .2 seconds in the tunnel. Desmond and Karston on the other hand rolled around the living room in that big green thing for a good 20 min.

So I couldn't handle it anymore and I trimmed Kendricks hair. He had what well I would call wing like things on the side of his head so I trimmed those off and evened out the top. I think he looks handsome.

So this morning I decided I was going to read the Ensign. I'm so glad that I did!!! Sometimes (its embarrassing to say) but, when I get my copy of the Ensign I read the Visiting Teaching Message and the Home Teaching Message and more often then not those are the only two articles in the magazine I read.

So today I set a goal in my mind to read a few other articles. So I started at the back and moved my way to the front of this months issue. I'm overwhelmed right now! I'm so thankful for each of the articles I read. It felt like they were written just for me. The words themselves inspired me to study and read in different parts and sections of my scriptures where I found more words of inspiration and more answers to prayers.

Last night I was talking to a close friend of mine and expressed how I just wish someone would tell me what to do. I hate making decisions (especially hard ones) I have a hard time trusting my gut. But, today I came to the realization I'm not making any decisions on my own. All the choices and options I see in front of me daily I have the option of going forward on my own or keeping the Liahona in my pocket moving forward constantly seeking inspiration and guidance from my Heavenly Father. I felt impressed today that my Heavenly Father wanted me to know I was not alone and that when I do things like read the Ensign I will find answers to prayers. Again it all comes back to "go and do"

I didn't need to read the Ensign this morning (in fact there were a million other distractions that were calling my name) but, today I decided to go seek the word of the Lord then to do what he told me to do. Surprisingly enough after reading the Ensign I knew I needed to take a shower (big step for me some days), pick up my house so I felt peace, then play with my kids all day. This is what I did and I feel great!

An "Incredible" Family Night

2010-06-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight is Monday night which means at our house Famiy Night! Tonight we talked about well being Super Heroes. I'm sure your wondering what Gospel Study Manual I'm teaching from. But, I promise you all it really does relate to the Gospel!!

Karston for the past few years has really stepped in as my personal Super Hero!! He has put himself in the role as Mom's protector. In fact he often depicts himself as a Super Hero in many of his drawings. The fact that Karston does this is so sweet and I love it but, I don't want him to grow up to fast, or to take on to many "Adult" responsibilities.

So tonight the kids and I sat down and each talked about what our super abilities were. It was so fun to hear the kids talk about what things they felt like were their strengths. The whole time Desmond kept saying his strength was flying (then he would jump really high to show us all his super human abilities.)

After the kids expressed what they felt like their strengths were I went around and told them what I thought their strengths were. "Wow" Kiana said "I have more then one super power" I told her that she had more then just 2 and the older she got the more she would discover. It was fun to see the excitement in her face as she realized the power she possessed.

So we talked about all of their talents and strengths it was my turn. Holy Cow this was hard for me I knew what I wanted to say I knew what I wanted to get across to my kids. I took a deep breath.....then Kendrick threw up all over me. Not just a little but, projectile vomit all over me all over him. It was fantastic! (I hate throw up so this totally threw off my groove)

So I went upstairs to change Kendrick and to throw on another shirt. In my mind I thought "okay the momentum of this lesson is now over, I need to get Kendrick to bed" then more and more thoughts kept coming "the house isn't clean, there is laundry to be done, your bedroom is a mess, I should just give the kids their treat and call it good!" Then I stepped back and realized, I needed to take control. I needed to take a deep breath, say a prayer and do what I had originally planned. I was not going to allow myself get in the way of a "Incredible" FHE.

So I said a prayer, changed myself and Kendrick, then came back downstairs and picked up right where we had left off.

When I had returned downstairs Desmond was sporting his super hero cape and Karston had gone downstairs and retrieved the Incredibles DVD. They were all so cute talking about all the super powers and how they all think Kendrick looks like Jack Jack.

I asked the kids to sit in a circle with me. I asked them what they thought my super hero powers were? I asked them not to tell me but, to just think about them. I told them how my super powers were hidden and you couldn't see them. I asked the kids if they thought I was strong? Karston laughed and said he was stronger they me (yes funny story he opened a jar of pickles for me the other day because I couldn't get it open for the life of me) I told Karston that I might not look strong on the outside but, on the inside that is my super power; to be strong.

We started talking about how in the movie "The Incredibles" the whole family has special talents. But, the kids were still kids and the Mom and Dad were still the Mom and Dad even though they all had powers. Karston brought up the part of the movie where the kids were in the Jungle fighting the bad guys by themselves and then the parents came and together they were going to fight the bad guys.

Then we briefly talked about how each of us is important and we each have a different job. Each of our Jobs are important and together we can be a super family!

Then we all went downstairs and watched "The Incredibles" it was so fun! The whole movie the kids kept coming up with more and more super talents they each had and how they couldn't do it without the super Mom and Dad!

Actually I'm pretty proud of myself for not allowing myself to mess up this Family Night. I'm glad I didn't end the lesson early so I could clean the house, or do laundry. I'm glad I took the time out to hang out with my super hero kids.

Desmond dresses up like a Super Hero almost everyday or is it Captain Underpants?

Okay I always thought it was so weird that they gave Jack Jack just one patch of long hair that stuck straight up. I would always think to myself "babies are does not look like that" Holy Cow I jinxed myself or something because Kendrick has Jack Jack hair.

A Good Woman Knows.....

2010-06-06T21:45:00.000-07:00

This weekend the kids were with their dad and step mom. They always have a great time when they go for the weekend. I have to admit sometimes I'm jealous I would love to go with them and do all the fun things they do. Today when they came home I heard all about 4 wheeling up in the Mountains with friends actually some mutual friends of Romney and mine. I'm so glad they had a great time!

This weekend was fun for Kendrick and I also! I'm actually really lucky! I mean how many moms get the opportunity to have so much one on one time with their 4th child. Actually I'm super lucky because I was able to get a bunch of one on one time with Desmond as a baby also!

So this weekend Kendrick and I went running! We ran lots and lots! I was able to give myself what I call a nice tan (most of you would call it a sunburn) but, I think of it as a tan. We went to a neighborhood BBQ that was so much fun! Oh ya Friday night we roasted hot dogs and smores in my backyard. So we kept ourselves busy!

In my spare time I am still writing my book and putting together a Rock Star curriculum for preschool this coming fall!

I feel a little bit overwhelmed with life in general but, taking things a day at a time. I do my best to not allow the craziness of life get the best of me (some days I know it does)

Today in Relief Society we had a great lesson on a talk given by Julie B. Beck in the last General Conference, "And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit." This talk was exactly what I needed to hear. I have read and re-read it since I have been home. One of the paragraphs that stands out to me is;

"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently."

Wow, Okay I needed to hear that!! I have a really hard time believing I don't have enough time or energy to accomplish all the things my heart yearns to accomplish. In fact I tend to feel guilty if I even think that I might not be able complete a task that my heart yearns to accomplish.

I'm pretty hard on myself. I feel a constant pressure from myself to be well...Perfect. I feel like each day I have to wake up get my kids ready (looking perfect), make breakfast from scratch (none of this cereal stuff), clean the house (heaven forbid if anyone was to see my house out of order), entertain my kiddos (because I want to know they are important to me), have learning time (so the kids have a edge next year in school), volunteer with something in the ward or community (with the kids so they know how important it is to serve), Family Prayer, Family Scripture, Individual study time (Karst reads scriptures, Kiana and Desmond draw and look at the gospel art kit), eat lunch, play outside, exercise (so the kids realize they need to take care of their bodies), make a healthy dinner, do what seems like a million loads of laundry and put all the clothes away, make sure Desmond goes potty on the toilet, try to make my home feel like a temple, oh ya feed the baby (Kendrick), take Karston to Piano, Kiana to dance (because I would be a horrible mom if they didn't have these opportunities), oh ya and I'm walking to all these things because I don't have a car, put together lesson plans for this coming fall, baths, and put the kids to bed on time so they get enough sleep and so I can somehow keep my sanity. Maybe just maybe within the 24 hours I have each day I allow myself to shower and if I'm fast enough I actually blow dry my hair.

Its interesting to me that if one of my friends was to come to me with this list of things she felt like she needed to get done each day. First off I would tell her she was crazy and that NO one should feel like they needed to do that much every single day. Also I would tell her she needed to prioritize there were definitely some things on her list that did not have to get done every day and that she needed to allow herself to just exist.

As I pondered what I would tell someone else I took a step back and contemplated my own advise. How could I become a good women who knew she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do.

Well, lets just say today I have made a really hard decision. The decision I have made for this week is to do my best to allow myself to just exist. Allow myself to not feel guilty if my house isn't perfectly in order, or if one of the kids hair is not perfectly combed know that its okay. I actually think if I do this, some of the other things I try so hard to accomplish like having a spirit of peace in the home will come a little easier because I won't be so stressed out about all the little things that are still worthy things but, things I don't always have the time or energy for each and everyday.

I'm excited to see if I can do this. Old habits are hard to break and I know this is not going to be easy for me. But, truly I want to be a good women. I want more then anything to do what my Heavenly Father wants me to do. I know I often times get overzealous and try to run so much faster then I am able. This week I am going to do my best to slow things down and to put my trust in my Father in Heaven and rely on him to show me the important things in my life the things I should yearn to accomplish each and everyday and rely on him to give me the strength to leave the other things alone and for another day.

Answers to Prayers

2010-06-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

About 2 months ago I had a really neat experience with my kids. What I thought would be a great learning experience for my kids actually turned into a very powerful lesson I needed to learn.

We were about to head out to go on a walk. Desmond could not find his shoes anywhere. We had looked all over the house for his shoes.

I thought to myself "okay great teaching moment for the kids, lets say a prayer." So I called all the kids into the living room and talked to them about how Heavenly Father can help us in all situations (even finding missing shoes) if we just ask him for the help.

So we all knelt down together and prayed. Desmond offered the prayer and it was sweet and simple. As soon as Desmond said Amen, he opened his eyes and asked with a confused look on his face "where are my shoes?" I didn't realize he thought if we prayed Heavenly Father would just make his shoes appear in frontof him, just like a magical poof. I hadn't explained that Heavenly Father would still need us to get up and look for the shoes. Our prayers would only be answered if we made a effort. After explaining this, Desmond was a little disappointed. He really didn't want to look for his shoes.

After some persuasive talk we all got off our knees and started looking for the shoes. A few minutes later we found the missing shoes and gathered again to give Thanks for the guidance and help our Heavenly Father had given us.

After this happened I really got to thinking about how many times I pray to my Heavenly Father for help and right after I say Amen I want the magical poof and to have all my trials and worries washed away. I don't always want to have to "go and do" to gain the answers to my prayers. Sometimes life can get you so far down that we don't feel the energy and strength to look for our answers.

But, after watching my little kids look so hard for the shoes and they all had such strong and unfailing faith that our Heavenly Father would answer our prayer and guide and help us find the missing shoes. Because of their faith and willingness to get up off their knees and seek the answer to our prayer. Our prayer was answered.

I need to take this concept into my life and get up off my knees and have faith that my Father in Heaven will lead me to the answers that I have been praying so hard to find. I need to show him the faith that I have in him by seeking the answers and not just waiting for the magical poof.

I know Heavenly Father answers prayers. He answers them all from the small pleas for help asking for guidance to difficult and life changing decisions

I am so thankful for this sweet lesson! Thank you so much kiddos for teaching me to get up off my knees and to go and do!

A Family Fairytale

2010-05-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

This is a short childrens story that I wrote for Kiana for her Birthday! Her Birthday is coming up next month and I wanted to do something special for her for her Birthday.

I would like to share this story with you. Im going to print this story in a little book for Kiki. Im trying to figure out what to do for pictures. I have a lot of ideas but, I lack the talent (very frustrating) so if any of you have any idea's please let me know.

Family Fairytale

By: Karli Sue Ludwig-VerHoef

This story is dedicated to: My Princess

Once upon a time in a land not so far away there was a beautiful kingdom. King Derek ruled the land. One day King Derek fell in love. He had found himself a Queen to help him rule the land, her name was Pearl. The King and Queen loved one another so much that they gave each other a love line made of pure gold. They promised each other to never let go of this powerful love line of gold and were married.

Soon after King Derek and Queen Pearl were married three children were born. Prince Karston, Princess Kiana, and Prince Desmond; because the King and Queen loved their children so much they gave them each a love line. But, there was something special about these love lines. They were not made of pure gold but, of something stronger. A material that was stronger then anything on earth. The love lines the King and Queen gave their children were unbreakable.

One day a terrible dragon entered the Kingdom and the King and Queen went to fight it. While battling the beast the love line the King and Queen had together was broken. The King and Queen fell out of love.

When the King and Queen returned home to the kingdom the Princess was worried. She didn’t want to lose her love line. She loved both the King and Queen so much! That night the King and Queen talked with Princess Kiana, Prince Karston, and Prince Desmond. The King and Queen explained that their love line had been destroyed by the dragon, but they reminded the children the love lines they had given them were stronger than ever and could never be broken.

King Derek moved over the mountain to a new Kingdom where he found a new Queen, Ruby. King Derek gave Queen Ruby a beautiful love line made of pure gold. They were married, and on that special day, Queen Ruby gave Princess Kiana, Prince Karston, and Prince Desmond a special love line. This love line was unbreakable, just like the one King Derek and Queen Pearl had given each of them when they were born.

Both Kingdoms were happy and peaceful. But, Queen Pearl needed to find a King to help here rule the Kingdom. Many Kings would come to the castle offering Queen Pearl love lines of pure gold, but Queen Pearl needed something more. She needed, not only a love line of pure gold, but 3 unbreakable love lines for the princess and the princes.

Kings came from all around. Some with one unbreakable love line. Some came with two unbreakable love lines. But, no one seemed to have what Queen Pearl needed.

Month after month past, until late one night in the pouring rain King Robert came to visit the Queen. When the Queen opened the door of the castle the King offered her a love line of pure gold. The Queen told the King she needed more than that.

As she was about to say more the King pulled out of his bag 3 unbreakable love lines. Do you need these he asked?

The Queens heart was full. She knew this was the King she had been looking for. This was the King who would help her rule the Kingdom.

Queen Pearl and King Robert were married, and on that special day King Robert gave Princess Kiana, Prince Karston, and Prince Desmond unbreakable love lines.

Years past and many battles were fought. Ferocious dragons stormed the castle and threatened to destroy the kingdom, but, no matter how tough the battle or how ferocious the beast the love lines that was given to the Princess and the Princes were never broken.

Time past and Queen Pearl and King Robert had a son Prince Kendrick. The princess was so worried. Would Queen Pearl and King Robert have to take away her love line to give to Prince Kendrick?

The princess ran to Queen Pearl and begged her not to take her love line away. Queen Pearl hugged Princess Kiana as tight as she could and told her, “Sweet Princess, you will never have your love line taken away or broken. When a King or Queen gives an unbreakable love line to someone, it is just that, unbreakable. You will have those love lines for eternity, and no one can take them away from you.”

The Princess smiled and realized how lucky she was to have so many unbreakable love lines. She looked down at her hands and realized she not only had the four love lines from King Derek, Queen Ruby, King Robert, and Queen Pearl, but she had hundreds and hundreds of unbreakable love lines. She had some from her brothers, even Prince Kendrick. She had love lines from grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. Her arms were filled with love lines.

The princess looked up at Queen Pearl and jumped into her arms. I’m the luckiest princess in the world she said with a grin. “You are,” Queen Pearl agreed.

As the princess grew, she knew that no matter what battles she had to fight or how strong the dragons that might come into her life could be. She would never be alone and she would always be loved.

In life, there are lots of love lines of pure gold; hold on to them tight; they can be broken by fearsome dragons and harsh battles. But, in those moments of trial when you feel alone, always remember the unbreakable love lines we have for family are always there for you, no matter what dragons you have to face.

Lesbians or the Sister Wife

2010-04-01T13:17:00.000-07:00

For the past Little while I have been really bad about blogging! During the day something will happen and I will think to myself "I need to blog about this" but, things come up and my day goes by so quickly. Before I know it, its time for bed!

Well, here we go this is some of what happened this past week or so.

So last Saturday Kiana and Karston both had soccer practices during the day! The kids were with Romney and Kirstin. So together we coordinated so at least one of us would be at each of the kids soccer practices.

Romney took Desmond and went to Karston's soccer practice. Kirstin picked Kendrick and I up and we headed over to Kiana's soccer practice. When we arrived at the practice Kirstin introduced Kiana to her coach and we all sat down. Kirstin and I were talking and a couple of the other mom's came over to introduce themselves and to find out who we were. The ladies introduced themselves and then Kirstin said "we are Kiana's mom's" The ladies looked at each of us. I know they thought we were lesbians. We laughed and explained that we were not a couple but, mom and step mom. Throughout the practice Kirstin and I talked and talked. A little later one of the mom's from earlier came up to us and said "you guys have a unique chemistry for a mom and step mom." You could tell our relationship threw off those around us.

Kirstin and I laughed about the situation and talked briefly about how when we all went to the Zoo together during the summer I must have looked like her sister wife because it was Romney, Kirstin, Me (pregnant), and the kids. I'm so lucky to have such a great working relationship with Kirstin and Romney.

I get asked all the time if it is hard having to share the responsibility of mom with someone else. I would be lying if I said it was easy. Its funny because just sharing the kids is easy because Kirstin and I are both organized, we work with each others schedules, and are courteous of the others needs. So just sharing the kids most of the time easy. Its the emotional part the part no one else sees that is hard. Because there are times when I hear one of the kids refer to me as Karli and Kirstin as mom and it hurts. But, I just have to quickly take that hurt out of my mind. I used to blog about these hurts. I would fake a smile then run upstairs and write all about it. When I did that I got the hurt out of my system. But, in so doing I also put Romney and Kirstin in a no win situation. Now those moments of hurt are farther and fewer then they used to be. Now whenever I have those hurtful moments I think about how lucky I am to have such a wonderful woman like Kirstin help me raise my 3 kids.

For those of you long time blog readers. You will notice how time and maturity can change a person. When I started this blog I would right out all my emotions good, bad, and irrational. I did not think of the consequence I just wanted to get the feelings out of my system.

Awhile ago I was talking to Romney about my blog. I really hurt Romney by representing him in a unfavorable light. I want everyone to know that Romney has never forsaken his financial or emotional responsibilities to the kids. Romney is always there to back me up when it comes to the kids. Romney and Kirstin from the beginning have tried their best to be friends with me and I appreciate that. We have all said things that I know have come across wrong and in some cases hurtful. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to work out our issues as co-parents and to now be friends.

Last night at Kiana's first soccer game we were all there cheering on Kiana. Desmond had a runny nose and Kirstin went and grabbed a tissue to wipe his nose. She brought extra gloves and hats for the kids to make sure they were warm. I know she feels a mothers love for the kids as I watch her tend to their needs. Romney and I stood together cheering on our little girl. I looked around and yes, our family may be unique and different but, its what we all need. Its what our kids need!

I want to thank Romney for his support of Jeremy as a step dad. Romney and Kirstin have really encouraged the relationship between the kids and Jeremy. I appreciate this especially because I know first hand how hard it is to have to share your responsibility as a parent with someone you didn't choose.

Divorce is horrible and should be avoiding like the plaque. It affects so many lives! More than you could ever possibly imagine. Through the past few years I have been at my lowest low and my highest high. I'm feeling good as I accomplish some of my goals each and everyday!

This goal I hope to accomplish today and that is to seek forgiveness from those I have offended.

Here we go...

2010-03-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

Alright I have started attempting my goals. First things first I haven't ran yet (I know I'm horrible!) I'm going to start tomorrow (what am I saying) I'm going to go running right after I type this. No more putting off to do things tomorrow when I can do them TODAY! I have no excuses except being lazy and wanting to sit here and eat these yummy chocolate covered raisins from Costco (something I thought I would hate but, tried because I won't say no to trying new things) I wish I would have said no actually because I found out I love them and now I want to eat them all the time. (Sorry random) just feeling guilty for eating so much chocolate!

I have written my letter of appreciation. This was really a fun thing to do. I sat back and really thought about people who have influenced me to become a better person throughout my life. It was nice thinking back on Church Leaders, Teachers, and Friends. The lady I wrote a letter to this month was a teacher I had in Elementary. This teacher influenced my life in so many ways! The things she taught me helped me through Jr High, High School, and College. Granted when she taught things she taught us in song (so yes I have sung my way through many a test) and will entertain groups of people singing the Capitals, States, Oceans, Presidents of the US, and oh yes all the countries in the world. Just try me. Her love for History, Geography, and the World as influenced me to become the person I am today. Thank you Mrs. Madsen!!!

So today I have spent most of my day working on my manuscript. Holy Cow this is a lot of work but, I am enjoying every minute of it! So this goal is in progress and will be for a really really long time. I want it to be perfect!

One of my goals this year was to make as many things as I could from scratch. I stopped buying bread from the store in December and starting making all the bread my family needed at home. It has been so much fun making the bread with all the kids. Desmond is my little chef! He loves to cook with me. Desmond also likes to eat! So I think he thinks if he is in the kitchen with me he might get a little taste. So Lately for a treat I have been making cinnamon swirl bread (which is Desmond's Favorite) The other morning I came into the kitchen to find Desmond up on the counter eating a entire loaf of bread (just like a piece of corn) I asked "what do you think you are doing?" He replies "Looking for the cinnamon" along side of Desmond he had opened a jar of jam and was dipping pieces of bread into it. Desmond had also grabbed a open can of Dr. Pepper from the fridge and was sipping that. Great way to start out the day full of carbs and caffeine. Needless to say we now have a lock on the fridge.

This week has been full of celebrations at our house! Each day with something new and exciting. I love planning these fun days for my family. I love teaching my kids about different cultures and events. Its fun to hear them ask when they wake up "What are we celebrating today?"

This is Kiks on Dr. Seuss Birthday

So Friday is Hoola Hoop Day (The Hoola Hoop made its National Debut in 1963 on March 5) I want to have a Hoola Hoop Party. Maybe with a Hoola Hoop Contest! Is anyone up for this?? It would be fun for all ages and all abilities. Lets Celebrate Hoola Hoops (and I want to participate in a Hoola Hoop Contest!)

Okay so cool! Karston wants to read the entire Book of Mormon before he gets baptized this year! He is already in Mosiah! I'm so lucky to have a good kid like Karst! He inspires me to read each day! Who knew, I wanted to be there to help my kids reach their goals. But, they are helping me reach mine! Thank you Karst

There is my update! Good Luck to all of you who are reaching and striving toward accomplishing your own goals! Let me know how your doing!

Im back!!

2010-02-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm here! Yes, I'm Alive! and Yes, I have a exciting announcement!!!!

NO NO NO NO I am NOT pregnant!!!

Actually I have more than one exciting thing to tell you all! First things first many of you have expressed concern for my health. I want you all to know I am doing GREAT!!! Thank you for your concern I really appreciate you all so much!!!

Okay, next I really think I'm a little crazy. I have so many things running through my mind at this minute. This year I have decided to devote my blog to goals and the journey I take to accomplish them.

I have so many goals and often times I just allow them to go untouched. Not anymore I'm going to accomplish and or at least try all these sometimes crazy ambitions and goals I have in my mind.

So what are my crazy ambitions?? I know your all dying to find out. Well there are many and I'm currently putting together a list. My list is getting longer and crazier as it goes on and on.

My first goal is one I have been working on (and is the reason for my absence from blogging) My first crazy goal/ambition is to publish a book. I'm so excited about this!!! I'm currently compiling my manuscript and I get more and more excited about it each day! So many of you have encouraged me to accomplish this goal. Because my manuscript is currently Top Secret I'm not going to announce here what its about but, I will give you a clue. "You will all Celebrate when you find out what my book is about" he he he can you figure it out??

Another one of my goals is to run a Marathon and participate in the Wasatch Back. This goal is one I wish I could just wake up one day and accomplish. One thing you guys all need to understand is I am not a runner!!! This goal is one that will take work each and everyday! I need to have someone to answer to. So I will be posting on here if I accomplished my daily run or not! If I only have to answer to myself somehow I can always get out of running that day!

Starting this week each week I want my kids and I to participate in some sort of service project together! The project can range from taking cookies to a neighbor to larger projects like gathering items for orphanages and homeless shelters. I want to do this and accomplish this goal for so many reasons! My family and I have been given so much! The least of what we could do is give back and pay forward what we have been given!

Each month I want to write a letter of gratitude to someone who has influenced me throughout my life. I'm going to write a actual letter and mail it in the mail. I know this seems weird but, doesn't something seem more sincere when its hand written and you receive it in the mail. Emails are fantastic but, mail is somehow in my mind just a little more special!

Okay I just ate 2 cookies and I feel sick. Next goal stop eating all the cookies and treats while the kids are gone for the weekend!

Goals are so important and I can't sit back any longer allowing my life to unfold in front of me. I'm going to take charge! I'm going to accomplish the things I want to accomplish! I have the agency and the ability to make my life what I want it to be. I want my life to be full of love, happiness, and family. I don't want to regret anything! I want to live each day to the fullest and have the ability to look back at my life and at the same time have a great hope for tomorrow.

Here is my list (in no particular order)

Cook at least 2 new recipes a month for my family

To make as many things from scratch as I can for my family (i.e. bread)

To give away at least 5 Book of Mormons a yr with my testimony to someone I know personally.
To never say no to trying something new (unless dangerous or against my personal standards)

To plant something from a seed and have it actually grow and not die.

To do Kiana's hair a new and exciting way each week

To sit down and read individually to each of my children at least 3 times a week

To never miss my Church meetings (unless illness or something major strikes)

To study my scriptures for at least 20 minutes a day

To walk places as much as possible (that's easy right now because I don't have a car)

To celebrate each and everyday with my family

To actually catch a craw fish

I want to read all 100 favorite novels of a librarian

(www.the-bookman.com/main/best.books.html)

I want to cook a lobster

Learn how to waltz

I want to go golfing (not miniature but, real golfing I've never been)

I would like to actually get up on water skies (sounds pathetic but, true)

I want to ride a bike through Europe

Hike Mt. Kilimanjaro

Help with a foreign aide project (building a school, working in a orphanage)

Seek forgiveness from all those I have offended

Help heal broken hearts and sadness in my extended family

Read the Ensign from front to back each month

To save enough money to buy a car for cash!

Learn how to not be afraid of putting in contacts

crochet a blanket

quilt a blanket

Speak to a large group of people and share some of my experiences and how they have benefited and changed my life

Complete a triathlon

Forgive myself

To try a type of food from every different major country

To start a fire without matches

To only eat out once a month

Participate in the Sabbath with a Jewish family

Take my kids to volunteer at the Krishna Temple and participate in the Holi Festival of Colors

Ride on a elephant

Pet a Dolphin (no Killer Whales)

Learn a speak Spanish

Start saving to go on a mission with Jeremy

Smile everyday

To give at least one compliment to a stranger daily

To make sure my kids feel like they are amazing each and everyday!!!!!

Eat a rattlesnake (I know weird but, I hear it tastes like chicken and it just sounds cool)

To take that perfect picture! (you know the one that captures the moment perfectly)

Learn how to play a song on the piano

Help Jeremy feel appreciated everyday

Help my kids accomplish their goals and to be there to catch them if they ever fall short

Become a member of the Mormon Tab Choir

To learn and experience as much as I can about people and different cultures

I would like to touch every Ocean (Pacific Ocean, Atlantic Ocean, Indian Ocean)

Go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in NY

Learn how to lasso something

Apply to be on the Amazing Race

Do something new with my hair

Win a Hoola Hoop Competition (this has been a goal since I was 7)

Paint a picture (you know a real picture with a canvas and paints)

Be on TV (You know all the crazy people you see on the Today show outside the studio. Yes, I want to be one of those people)

Okay I'm sure my list is going on and on. If you could see my paper actually my papers my list is 3 pages long.

I will post more goals periodical

I'm excited to invite all of you to participate as my family and I take on our goals. You will experience first hand our triumphs and our failures. Life is a adventure right. So here we go lets see where our experiences take us and I'm sure along the way I will find so much more to be Thankful For!

Pixies, Santa, bullies, and boyfriends......

2009-12-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

Well the day after Thanksgiving the Pixies come and visit our home. They will randomly inspect your bedroom and make sure it is clean. They might listen in and make sure you are being nice to your brothers and sisters. If you pass the test they will leave you a small gift or treat under your pillow. Then they fly back to the North Pole and report to Santa.

The kids really get into pixies. They are fantastic at keeping their bedrooms clean and if a fight starts I can almost guarantee someone yelling out "If you don't stop the pixies won't come!" The other night the pixies didn't come and apparently it was my fault because as I was leaving the kids bedroom I knocked Karston's backpack on the floor. They now tell me each night as I leave to watch what I am doing.

Last Sunday we wrote our letters to Santa then threw them into the fire. Karston told us all that we have to throw our letters to Santa in the fire then they turn into smoke and float to the North Pole where Santa magically puts them back together. He said its faster then the mail. In my mind all I was thinking is he must have just watched Mary Poppins. But, when I asked him about it he said he has never seen Mary Poppins. Oh well, I thought it was a fun and cute idea. Maybe we will make it a tradition.

So the other day Karston comes home and he has lost a tooth. He told me he got punched in the face and his tooth came out. I was kinda taken back because I never received a phone call, or a note explaining what happened. I asked Karston what had happened. He explained to me that there is this boy (who will remain nameless) who is mean. Him and his friends run away from him. Well, on that particular day this boy was teasing 2 of Karston's friends. Karston stepped in and began to tease this boy back (I talked to Karston about this) I guess the boy who was teasing Karston's friends got frustrated and punched Karston in the face knocking out his tooth! They were all sent to the principals office where they had a lecture on being friends. I talked to Karston about teasing (this is weird because Karston is so shy I really can't imagine him doing this but, maybe he saves it all for school) the next day all the boys involved were not allowed to go out to recess. Hopefully a good lesson learned.

Oh you have to see the note Karston wrote the tooth fairy. It simply said. I lost my tooth at school I can't find it. Please leave money with a $10.00 bill drawn (ya in his dreams)

To keep life exciting Kiana comes home letting me know not one but, two boys have confessed their love for her. She asked what she should do since she is still engaged to Ammon (wow she is devoted) I laughed and told her to tell them she can't have a boyfriend until she is 25 and that they need to wait until then. She rolled her eyes at me when I said this, and walked into the other room. I am so looking forward to the teenage years. I'm going to have to tie that cute little girl up and keep her safe in the house.

Bethankful ALWAYS!...No matter what right!!

2009-11-29T13:27:00.000-08:00

Wow I really haven't blogged in a long time. So much has happened and I feel a little overwhelmed with the thought of trying to catch up. So here it goes.......................

For those long time blog followers you would think nothing would be off limits for me to write about. I have blogged about the deepest emotions and the most tender of times. This blog is one I have wanted to write about but, have put off because of its personal nature.

This past summer has been one of trial and of many lessons learned. I have truly come to the realization that through each experience we go through there are lessons to be learned.

Among the many lessons learned there are a few that stand out to me that I would like to share with each of you.

First lesson is, there is a purpose in everything. This summer we sold my home in "my neighborhood" this was a huge challenge for me to overcome. I loved my neighbors, friends, and ward. I felt safe and at home in my house. It had become my sanctuary. I knew we needed to sell the house. But, I prayed that it wouldn't sell because I didn't want to leave. In June when the house sold Jeremy and I faced some HUGE financial difficulties. Because of these difficulties I ended up moving in with Jeremy's parents. I was so overwhelmed with everything. I was pregnant, feeling depressed about leaving my house and friends, facing some financial difficulties, my husband was thousands of miles away, and I was taking my 3 kids and moving in with my in-laws. What purpose was in this?? I tried to stay positive but, it was difficult at times. I truly could not see any light at the end of my tunnel.

I really felt like things were getting worse instead of better. As most of you know later that summer I was in a car accident and a few weeks later had Kendrick 5 weeks early. After having Kendrick I kinda went into a depression of sorts. Kendrick wasn't sleeping well at night and it was really hard to even want to get ready each day. I just wasn't feeling well.

So weeks went on and Jeremy still was without a job. I was still without any sleep and the stress between the two of us was reaching a all time high.

I really wondered what would happen next.

The next week Jeremy started at a fantastic new job. The job paid well, and has amazing benefits that started day one. I felt like things were starting to look up. I really tried to be happy and positive. But, I was really fighting some emotions in my head. I just felt so yucky!!

Well, I went into my Dr. for my 6 week apt. I told him (as hard as it was) how I was feeling and some of my symptoms. He told me I was experiencing postpartum depression. He told me like most women lack of sleep and stress can heighten this along with hormones being totally out of whack! He prescribed me a small dose of Zoloft and said this should help me get through each day and what ever life throws at me. I was very hesitant in taking this medication because, I don't like meds for one thing and it just made me feel so weak like I couldn't handle life the way i was supposed too. I felt so disappointed in myself

I went home from this appointment and did not go to fill my prescription (just out of pure pride.) I was determined to handle this myself.

About a week later I got a call from my Doctors office. Some of the results of some tests they ran at my 6 week apt. came back and they would like to do further testing. They let me know what we were looking at and all the possibilities. I was a little freaked out. I actually went into my bathroom and just cried. What was going on?

I went into the Dr. the following week to run more tests. It was a emotional Dr apt. I admitted that I hadn't started the anti-depression anti-anxiety medication. The Dr. began to explain that it wasn't a weakness and that my life would benefit from this small help. The Dr also explained what he felt like I had. This was all just professional opinion. We wanted to wait for the medical tests came back to make any final diagnosis.

Waiting for the results was scary but, weird enough starting this medication was scarier. I was so worried. I started the meds and amazingly enough they totally worked!!! I felt so much better. I felt like my old self again. It was fantastic!!!

A couple more days past and I went in to receive my medical diagnosis. It was what the Dr thought. I was so scared but, after talking with the Dr I knew this would not stop me or get me down. We caught everything early enough that we could stop it before it got any worse.

So after a couple treatments everything looks GREAT for the time being. I will go back in around March and make sure everything is normal. If everything is normal then I can spread it out even further!!

When all of this happened I was able to look back and realize how I was blessed. My house selling was a blessing because I was unable to afford to make the payments, getting in a car accident was a blessing because it saved my Kendrick's little life, living with my in-laws has been a blessing because we have been able to keep up with bills and they have been here to help out all of the time!, not having a car has been good because I get exercise walking everywhere and I can't go anywhere during the day so I save a lot of money!, going to the Dr and admitting that I needed help coping with each day has been a huge blessing because I now have some tools that will help balance what I can't, Jeremy quitting his job and being job less for a time then finding a new job with amazing benefits was a blessing because we now really need those benefits, having to deal with life and its changes, trials, and difficulties has been a blessing because I know it will make me stronger!

I am thankful each and everyday for the life I have and the lessons I learn. Each experience we go through is for our good!

This week we are moving out of my in-laws and into a house. I'm excited because its across the street from the church, just a few blocks from the school, just a few blocks from the pediatricians office, and just under a mile to the grocery store. I can walk everywhere.

Life always has its ups and downs. It truly is hard to see the ups when we feel so far down. I want all of you to know that I know that we can make it through anything. If you are feeling down know you are not alone. Don't ever feel ashamed to share your experiences. I can guarantee someone around you has felt the same way you have before and together we will all make it through this crazy journey we call life.

I'm still here.....

2009-11-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

Karston at his soccer game

Kiana watching Karston's soccer game upside down??

Desnond eating his peanut butter sandwich don't ask me how he makes such a mess

Kendrick asleep on Dad

Desmond writing Uncle Ky a letter

Kiana winking

UEA at the Monte Bean Museum

Fries at Burger Supreme during UEA

.25 CENT ice cream cones during UEA

science experiment with pop rocks during UEA

Kendrick getting bigger

Google eyes from Grandma Fetherston

Spider Cookies

Spaghetti with eyeball meat balls

Kiana ready for school the day before halloween

Desmond wanted to dress up too the day before Halloween

He loves these glasses

Karston at school the day before Halloween

The kids pumpkins. Can you guess whos is whos

Kiana as a sasssy vampire

Karst as Wolverine

Elmo Des

Ready to go out trick or treating with Romney and Kirstin

Kendrick on Halloween (he just wanted to sleep)

He has doubled plus his birth weight!! Good job

My little baby

Kiana Singing her Favorite Song

2009-09-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

This is Kiana singing her new favorite song. It amazes me that she seems to pick up on songs so quickly.

I love listening to her sing!

Kira I hope you love this I know how much you enjoy children singing!!!!

Kendrick's First Photo Shoot

2009-09-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday Kendrick had his first professional photo shoot. My friend Maria took these fantastic pictures! It is always fun (for me at least) to get pictures of my kids taken! I love pictures and the memories that come along with them.

Maria is a very talented photographer! Please check out her blog photosbymaria.blogspot.com

I was so touched by Maria when she told me all the money she makes from photography goes toward her in vitro. Maria and her husband have been blessed with a beautiful little girl but, would like to add to their sweet family. They have attempted in vitro before numerous times. These attempts have left them drained emotionally, physically, and monetarily. I was inspired by her drive to keep trying and her faith that things all have a purpose and the Lord will bless them in his time.

So many of my friends have had a difficult time conceiving. They have tried time after time. They have invested money, time, and emotion. I wish with all my heart that anyone who is trying and going through the trial of not being able to get pregnant will soon receive a answer to I'm sure their endless prayers. Tonight my hope goes out to Maria and Megan I would do anything for each of you to get your little miracle.

I'm so blessed that I have 4 sweet kids. They are my everything and I would do anything for them.

As I look at these pictures I truly realize the importance of family and how truly blessed I am!

First Day of School

2009-08-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

The past couple weeks have been filled with adventure. Baby Kendrick being born, my car was totaled in the car accident, and last but, not the least Kiana and Karston both started school. They both were excited and EXTREMELY nervous! I know it was really hard on both of them starting school in a new place where they didn't know anyone.

Karston started school on the 2oth of this month. He is now in full day so he gets to eat lunch at school. He has made a couple of friends one of which he told me doesn't speak english but, thats okay he says because he is teaching him how to speak english at lunch. I don't know what to think of this but, I'm glad he has some friends and is feeling like he is helping someone out. He has already received home 2 notes telling me of his academic advancement and reading abilities. I know these notes really encourage Karston's self esteem and I appreciate the teacher going that extra mile to write a quick note.

Kiana started Kindergarten this year! CRAZY!!!! She was really excited until the night before when she started crying because she missed (Bailey, Kathren, Ammon, Abby, and Issac) It was a rough night. She was so afraid that the kids were going to be mean to her. When I brought her to school that next morning she was hesitant and held on to me (which is not like Kiana) I watched her as she would eye the other students. A large group of Kindergartners came into the class together (you could tell they were all from the same neighborhood) Kiana looked up at me and said "see mom, they all have friends and I don't" I wanted to cry but, didn't want to make things worse. So I walked with her to a table and started doing a puzzle with her. Slowly other kids started to fill her table. By chance all the kids that sat at her table were boys. I asked her if she was okay or if she wanted to move. She said she was fine. The teacher then asked all the parents to leave and informed us where to pick up the kids after school. I was so worried about her all day long. Jeremy picked up the kids that afternoon from school. He went and got them each a slurpee for a after school snack. When Kiana arrived home she was so happy and full of excitement about all that had happened at school that day. That really did me some good knowing she had a great time her first day of school.

I really hope the year gets better and better for my kiddos they really need it!

My Little Kendrick Alan VerHoef is here!.......

2009-08-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

This is a long post so just beware!.... I know I tend to ramble but, this is my journal and I really want to remember these few special days.

So my little man decided to enter this world with a bang. He wanted to make sure he made a entrance that would get him some attention. Well, he defiantly did that plus some.

Well, here is what happened..........

It all started Wednesday night. I have crazy dreams while I'm pregnant but, I don't ever dream of my baby or anything of that nature. Well, Wednesday night all I dreamt about all night long was the baby. Every dream was the same and it was very vivid. When I awoke in the morning I was very hesitant in telling Jeremy or anyone for that matter what my dream was about.

Throughout the morning all I could think about was my dream. I finally broke down and told Jeremy that I had a dream that night and I felt like something was wrong with the baby. I quickly changed the subject about how crazy dreams are when your pregnant and I need to not worry.

So I did my best to put my crazy thoughts in the back of my head. All day Thursday I felt like CRAP!! I got upset at Jeremy for the craziest things (like making Desmond a toasted cheese sandwich), it was Karston's first day of school so I was crying thinking of him feeling alone or left out. I was so worried that he wouldn't like school lunch and that he would be starving all day long. It was a long long day. That night after dinner I got the kids ready all ready for bed then fell asleep myself. I wasn't feeling well so all I wanted to do was lay down.

That night I felt like I needed to use the bathroom continually. It was driving me insane. I felt like I was constantly peeing in my pants. The thought that my water had broken crossed my mind a few times but, I didn't want to go to the hospital again I had been there so many times. I just knew I would go in and the nurse would tell me I had just peed in my pants. I was so emotional I didn't want to be embarrassed on top of it.

Friday morning Kiana came into my bedroom when she had woken up and asked for some help getting dressed. I got out of bed and gush. I totally peed my pants I thought. I couldn't believe this. The baby must be right on top of my bladder I thought to myself. I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes.

After changing I got the kids ready for school. Packed Karston a sack lunch (so I wouldn't be worried if he liked the school cafeteria food) and was about to walk Karston to school when I felt another gush. Ahhhhh..... What is going on? I thought to myself. I have never peed my pants before why am I now? I changed my pants another time and was about to walk Karston to school when my Father in Law offered to walk him in my place. I took him up on the offer. Because I didn't want to pee my pants while walking Karston to school talk about embarrassing your kids. Well, at this point the thought that maybe my water had broken kept creeping back into my mind. My water had never broken on its own before so I figured it just never would. I didn't want to tell Jeremy because I knew he would want to take me to the hospital. So I secretly called my Dr. and asked what I should do. He said go to the Hospital. Not the answer I was looking for. So I broke down and told Jeremy. His reaction go to the Hospital. Again not what I wanted to hear. Then I called my mom. She told me to relax, shower, get a few things done and if it kept happening then go to the hospital. Well, I took a shower and in the shower my dream from the past night crept back into my mind. I knew at that moment I needed to go to the Hospital.

Jeremy and Desmond took me to the Hospital. On the way in I made Jeremy promise not to make fun of me if I had just peed my pants. He promised and we went into the Hospital. The nurse came in and checked me. Jeremy and Desmond were out in the hall. She looked at me and said "your having a baby today!" I was overwhelmed knowing this little guy would be 5 weeks early.

Jeremy took Desmond to my parents house and called his parents and asked them to watch Karston and Kiki. Everyone was so willing to help. While Jer was gone they started my IV with antibiotics and Pitosin. They didn't know if I was strep B positive so they wanted to run the antibiotics just in case. The nurse said I had to wait until at least 4 o'clock to have the baby so that the antibiotics had the chance to enter mine and the babies system.

Well, the Labor was really normal. It was just like my others. After a couple hours I had the epidural and I was progressing at a steady pace. At 3:30 pm they rushed through the 2nd dose of antibiotics. They put it in so fast that my veins were burning. After doing this the nurse checked me and I was fully dilated and the baby was coming whether I pushed or not. The Dr ran into the room wearing a baseball hat and a quicksilver shirt. He threw on the hospital gown thing to cover up his clothes asked me to push once and it was done. My baby was here! The doctor cut the cord and gave the baby immediately to Jon the RT. I was trying to see what was going on with the baby while the OB was trying to finish up with me. I could tell something was wrong. I asked how much he weighed 5 lb 6.5 oz and 18 inches long.

Jon the RT looked over at me and started explaining a few things about the babies condition. They quickly wrapped the baby up brought him over to me. Laid him on my stomach for just a second. I was so confused on what was going on. I could tell Jeremy didn't understand either.

They took the baby out of the room and the medical staff finished up with me and left the room. I was overwhelmed! I didn't really know what was going on. The nurse said she would be back in a little when my epidural wore off to get me up and to remove my IV and epidural. Well, she left my sister Kira and her husband Paul came by. Then Jeremy's parents came over with Karston and Kiana. I did my best to keep face and to be happy and excited. But, inside I was just a mess. I wanted to get out of that bed and see my baby. I told Jeremy to go with the baby and to stay with him. I feel so bad because I know Jeremy was worried about me and the baby and felt torn on who to be with.

Due to the situation none of the visitors stayed very long. Jeremy came down to check on me and I asked him to hold my hand because I was going to get up. Get dressed and go see our little baby whether the nurses liked it or not. My epidural hadn't completely worn off yet so I was very unstable but, I made it to the bathroom and was feeling very determined. While I was in the bathroom a nurse (who is a friend of my Dad's and was also the charge nurse) came in to check on me. She noticed I was out of bed and asked Jeremy where I was. Jeremy explained to her my stubborn attitude about being in bed and that I was going to get myself ready whether I was supposed to or not. She ran into the bathroom and called a bunch of other nurses to start cleaning up my room. To remove my IV and epidural tubing. I was thankful for her compassion in knowing I needed to be with my baby. So after everything. I was dressed in my own clothes and down at the nursery 45 minutes after giving birth.

(At this point the babies name was Jace. That was the name Jeremy and I had both decided on earlier.)

While down in the nursery the RT and nurses were explaining to me the situation. Our little baby had some infections and his lungs were not working properly. I asked how he would have gotten a infection. They explained it could be any number of things but, because my water had broken the night before he may have received a infection during that time period or it might be the strep B not having all the antibiotics. I started to cry. I couldn't hold back the tears this was all my fault. If I just would have come in earlier. None of this would have happened in my mind.

That night they ran test after test. All results did not look good for my little one. They kept telling me different things they did X-Rays the X-Rays showed pneumonia and more infection. They told me at that point they were going to be transferring him to a different Hospital. That was really hard for me because I knew I wouldn't be able to go with him. It was emotional my Dad was there now working with the other RT and communicating with the pediatricians and neonatal Dr, I was thankful for my dad because he would fill me in on all the details I also knew my baby was receiving the very best care possible.

That night was long! They performed a procedure to help his lungs (cerfacton) and put him on the cpap machine. That night I was not going to leave the nursery! Around 1 am they told us they would not be transferring him tonight. My Dad told us he was going home and that we should take comfort in that because he wouldn't leave unless he thought our baby was stable. Jon the other RT pent the entire night there in the hospital just in case anything happened. That night Jeremy and I were discussing his name we both started to feel like Jace was not the right name for our little guy. I threw out the name Kendrick we discussed things for a little then decided that was the right name. Then we moved onto a middle name. We toyed around with a few different ideas but, decided on Alan. Alan is my Dad's middle name. It just felt right to pass on that name to our little guy who helped out so much!

That night was long. Monitors going off every few minutes. Watching the SATS monitor could potentially drive a person mad I have decided. Around 6 am I got kicked out of the nursery for shift change (they wanted to talk about me without me being there) They told me I could go back in around 7 am.

I went back to my room where I found Jeremy attempting to sleep on the pull out couch provided. I woke him up and told him all the goings on of the night. He told me to lay down and rest for the hour. I set my alarm clock on my phone so I would wake up right when I could be down there. Apparently I slept through my alarm and Jeremy didn't want to wake me knowing I had been up all night. He went down to the nursery. While Jeremy was down at the nursery some new results came in from some blood work they had drawn around 5 am. They results were looking better! They then told Jeremy he could hold the baby. I wish I could have seen it but, apparently he just cried and cried. He was so happy to hold him. After Jeremy was done holding him. He came down and woke me up and told me they would let me hold the baby. I shot up out of bed and anyone who has had a baby before knows after you have been in one position for a little while it can be hard to get up. I about fell over but, I was so excited to hold little Kendrick. I walked down to the nursery as fast as I could and held little Kendrick almost all day. I never left the nursery unless I needed to use the restroom or say hello to family. I just felt like I couldn't leave him. Later on that night the nurses kinda forced me out. My in-laws brought me some dinner and I knew I needed to eat. That night I was in and out of the nursery doing my best to sleep for a hour and stay down in the nursery for a few. It was crazy.

During that night they asked me to try and nurse Kendrick. They were worried about his ability to eat. We tried it out and failed miserably the first time. About 3 hours later we tried again and he did it!! He did a really great job! I was so happy!

The next morning the pediatrician came in and looked over the test results of that morning. He sat down with me and started talking about what was going on with Kendrick. I asked again how he thought he got the infections.

The Dr. said to me he thought the infections were not from my water breaking but, were something he had while in the womb (a blood infection) and that the reason my water broke was because he was sick. He then began to tell me how blessed I was to have been in my car accident a few weeks earlier. Because it was then that I received the steroid shots to help develop Kendrick's lungs. Without which he may have died or at the very least been in critical condition. After a moment of silence I started to cry. There really is purposes in everything. The Dr. grabbed my hand and told me I could take Kendrick home with me that day. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I asked him if he was serious. He told me that as long as he kept eating the way he was that there was no reason to keep him there. The antibiotics and different medications they had given Kendrick in the hospital seemed to be working.

I called Jeremy and let him know the good news. I know he was in shock we did not expect this at all! Jeremy came to the hospital we ran some more tests and did all the normal baby stuff we hadn't done yet. DTAB, Hearing testing, Car Seat Test, PKU, a BATH! Then we went home!!!

When we arrived home my in-laws had bought us a bassinet and set it all up perfect. Again I was overwhelmed. Later on that night my mom brought Karston, Kiana, and Desmond home. They hadn't had the opportunity to see Kendrick up close yet. When they came in I knew my life was good! I'm so lucky to have 4 amazing kids! They all were so excited to have baby Kendrick and me home to stay.

Yesterday I took Kendrick into the Dr. to make sure everything is still going well. He is doing GREAT! He is in the 2% of everything weight, head, and length. The Doctor joked around with me that I liked to do things extreme because Karston was always in the 110% of everything.

While at the Dr. office Vicki the Doctors nurse told me how she knows a angel was watching out for my little guy and how there really is a method to all of the madness out there. When she said this I knew how right she was! I am so thankful that I know that my Heavenly Father knows all and though I don't always understand why I know all things happen for a reason and if I put my life in his hands everything will work out in the end!

Megs Miracle

2009-08-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hey, I know a lot of you already know about my AMAZING friend Megan.

Please check out her blog www.megsmiracle.blogspot.com I will be donating some yummy treats for the concessions (chocolate dipped oreos) and my business is donating 3 gift certificates for in home consultations (I know a lot of you have said you wanted me to come in and organize your home. Now is your chance to get a gift certificate for it and help out a really really good cause!)

The Auction and Movie is Aug. 29th so everyone mark it on your calendars!

I love you all and I'm doing better each and everyday! I'm still pregnant and baby Jace is doing well.

Karston started 1st grade today I actually just dropped him off at school but, that is a whole other post so I will tell you about that later!........

Sorry no pics for this post

2009-08-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

So I feel so stupid! In fact I can't even begin to explain my frustration.

Early Tuesday morning I was running some errands around town. Just simple things going to the Dr. trying to figure out some car stuff. The kids were at home with Jeremy. I was driving home and was in a car accident. I don't remember anything. I couldn't tell you where I was at, what happened, where I got hit. All I really remember is being in the Ambulance and being stabbed by a million different needles (well thats what it felt like) they just gave me a IV and I was gushing blood. We must have hit a bump when he tried the first time.

Well, after I arrived at I don't really remember what was going on just lots of shots, clothes being cut off, and my hands being scrubbed and skin falling to the ground.

For that whole day I was constantly watched by nurses and Dr. I had a cat scan to see what was wrong with my brain. Apparently nothing is wrong with my brain. I would like to argue that fact. Because right now I feel totally insane!!!

Being in the hospital was one of the hardest things I have gone through in a while. I hate needles and I felt like I was being stabbed in every direction. Lets stab her in the legs with pain meds. Lets stab her in the arms with medication to stop labor. Lets stab her in the thigh with steroids for the baby. Lets do it all over again in higher doses because it didn't work the first time. Now lets give her some sleep medication and some anxiety medication. I don't do well on medication and they tend to have adverse affects on me. No one would believe me until they saw with their own eyes how crazy and hyper-paranoid I had become.

Ahhhh.... I was so emotional I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't remember what happened and I was so worried about the baby.

I'm getting everything all mixed up but, when I first arrived they had a lady come in and give me a ultra sound to check everything out. Everything looked good but, the baby was measuring off my due dates. It was saying I was due Sept 26th so I still have 7 1/2 more weeks. What?? I'm freakin out. After hearing that I was super worried about the baby and really just emotional.

I feel really bad. Jeremy arrived at the Hospital as soon as one of the nurses got ahold of him. I was so out of it and feeling so crappy I really took a lot of my emotions out on Jeremy. Oneof the many situations that I feel really bad about is. They didn't want me to eat because they thought I would be delivering within the next couple hours. I was starving I hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day. Jeremy opened a bag of chips and began to eat them sitting next to me. Then politely offered me a chip. I thought he was trying to be funny. I was so emotional that I threw. Well to the best of my ability. The ice pack that I had on my hand at him and started crying. He claims he didn't know I couldn't eat.

Well, to make a really long story short. Because I know I tend to go on and on. I'm back at home on lots of medication and strict bed rest. My hands are all wrapped up. Jeremy says I look like the house elf on Harry Potter after he burns his hands. I actually do when I look down at them.

I'm doing my best to get these contractions to stop but, I really can't get them to. I'm going to go and get another shot today. My Doctor said come hell or high water we are going to stop this labor even if I'm at a 9 until we know the baby is safe and ready to come into this world. I agree! I might be miserable right now but, I will always do what is best for my kids!

Sorry if this blog doesn't make any sense. I still feel so out of it! In fact I'm going to lay down. I love you all!!! And from now on all of you are in my prayers that we will all travel safely to what ever destination we are going!!

Bed Rest and Slurpies... Oh ya Jeremy is coming HOME!

2009-07-30T14:33:00.001-07:00

So on Tuesday I had a fairly emotional OB visit. I told him some of the things that were going on and my concerns. I usually play things off and try just to keep going. I mean this is my 4th pregnancy so I know things are bound to happen faster and weirder.

Well, because of the amount of contractions I was having and the low pressure I was feeling. They decided to check things out. To my surprise I was already dilating. Fantastic, I thought to myself. They instructed me on what I needed to do and the medication I am to take to slow things down. I was crying (because I'm emotional) when they told me I needed to be on bed rest. "Are you kidding me" I thought to myself as I thought of me trying to take care of my 3 kiddos while laying down. I told him that I would my best.

I called Jeremy on my way home from the Dr. I was really glad he answered the phone. I was very emotional as I explained to him the situation. At that moment he told me he was coming home.

So right now Jeremy is driving from Nashville. He will get home tomorrow sometime. I can't believe he has been gone since the beginning of April. We are all excited to have him back!!!

So the past few days I have done my best to take things easy. The only thing that sounds good to me right now are slurpies. I feel really lucky that I live really close to a 7-11.

Okay I'm feeling kinda wasted right now so I'm going to go. But, I just had to tell everyone. Jeremy is coming HOME!!!

Pioneer Weekend and Operation Surprise!

2009-07-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

This past week I have had a lot of fun!! I'm currently living with my in-laws in Orem. They went to Arizona this week for a short trip. While they were out I decided to re-do their music room. I was really excited to do this project and to show them my appreciation. They have been nothing but, FANTASTIC to the kids and I since we have moved in. Jordyn (Jeremy's sister) stayed with me and helped out in this room changing process.

I was really pleased with the outcome. I really enjoy organizing and re-finishing rooms on a budget. I literally design on a dime.

After completing the room on Thursday. We had the whole day Friday to celebrate Pioneer Day. We had fun! There was water balloon fights, chalk drawing, and lots of games involving bouncy balls.

That evening we roasted Hotdogs, smores, and ate lots of yummy food. We ended the evening with FIREWORKS!!! It was a lot of FUN!

Before

Finished Product

Finished product

This is a freaky freaky bees nest in my sisters yard. I've never seen anything like it so I had to post a picture

The lovely pregnancy pics. As you can tell I'm not the biggest fan of taking lots of prego pics. So here is what I have.

Here I am on Pioneer Day 33 weeks and counting

This is Karston right after he got hit on the head with a water balloon. I think he threw it at himself.

This was a massive water balloon. It didn't last very long. It popped all over Ken and Klarissa as they were trying to figure out who to throw it at.

Karston LOVES food!! We roasted Hotdogs. He loaded his dog up with the works. Relish, Ketchup, Mustard, Onions, and Hot Peppers.

Kiana really doesn't like me taking her picture as soon as I said smile she made this face.

My Brother Kohl is working at a Frozen Custard Shop and he has perfected his talent for waffle cones. He made these yummy cones and my mom dipped them in chocolate and sprinkles. Everyone LOVES them!

The past week and a half or so......

2009-07-22T07:44:00.001-07:00

Monday we went to Jump on It for FHE. The kids LOVED it! Karston told me if your not sweating your not having FUN! (He was definitely sweating a ton!) He asked me when I earn enough money if we could live at Jump on It. I told him that he could buy it when he gets older.

Sunday I spoke in church. I haven't done this in years. I was asked the day before to fill in for a youth speaker so I only had to speak for about 7min. My topic was "Learning the Lessons of the Past" Wow, great subject for me. I always get so nervous. I know this sounds insane but, the part I was most nervous for was introducing my family. How do I say it? I am divorced and married Jeremy with 3 kids? or just avoid the whole thing and say these are our 3 children and we are expecting another but, we have only been married a year? Ahhhh it stresses me out to no end. Oh well, after the talk I had a emotional break down in the bathroom. But, I'm fine now and one day I will figure out the politically correct way of introducing my family.

Saturday July 18th, the kids went with Romney and Kirstin to the Temple Open house and some other fun events. I spent the day running errands and that night went and saw Harry Potter. I haven't been to a movie (except for a mid day week movie at the scera) since February. It was really nice relaxing in the 2nd row and watching a great flick!! My Dad also turned 5o on Saturday! I can't believe we are all getting so old!

Friday we hiked Timp Caves with the VerHoef Family. We had so much FUN! I was so proud of the kids!! It was Desmond's nap time and he was such a trooper. The kids all LOVED the caves!!

Thursday July 16th, we all went swimming to the Scera Pool. I'm sure everyone there loves seeing a really pregnant women squish into her not maternity swim wear. But, I've gone this far without purchasing any new clothes. I'm not going to start now.

The kids also went to Safari Camp this morning! We had so much fun eating worms, butterfly wings, "Gatoraide", and hunting for wild frogs!

Wednesday July 15th, We took Hunter and Uncle Paul to the Temple Open House. This was such a great experience. Desmond was so into it! I wish you all could have heard the questions (million questions) he was asking the entire tour.

Tuesday July 14th Cousin Hunter came into town. We had so much fun with him!

Monday July 13th, made designer flip flops with Kiana. The flip flops were only .50 cents. We had so much FUN!

Saturday July 11th, Went to the Zoo with Romney and Kirstin and Kids! We had a BLAST

Friday July 10th, one of my best friends had TWINS! I went to the hospital to visit her and her new sweet baby boys. I can't believe I will have my own baby in just a few weeks. Ahhhh CRAZY!!

I have posted all the pics from these events on my facebook. If your interested you can check them out there!!

This weeks adventure

2009-07-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

This week so far has been a fun and exciting one. On Monday the kids and I had summer school in the morning then for a activity we went to Borders Book Store and they each selected a book out of the clearance section to read this week. Karston chose "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" since purchasing this book he has already read it twice. I am so impressed by his reading skills!! Kiana chose a book that I think every Mom should read with their daughters. This is a book my Grandma Garrison read to me and my sisters when we were little (so it is very special to me.) The book is titled "One Hundred Dresses" Kiana and I are almost finished reading it. As soon as we are done with the book I will post some of the activities we do to go along with the book and the lessons learned in it.

Tuesday we went to Summer Day Camp and the kids had a BLAST!!! They really had a great time playing around in the water with their friends back in Loch Lomond. The kids really miss playing with their friends each day. Summer camp is something they really look forward to! Also on Tuesday we had the opportunity to bring in dinner to a family living next store to my in-laws. The kids always love help making meals for others and helping bring them over. Where ever I live I always do my best to get involved. I have found that serving is the best way to get to know those around you.

Wednesday I was supposed to go to the Hospital and get my RhoGam shot but, I keep finding reasons to put it off. I am so super afraid of needles this is ridiculous! Really I know I need to go but, Ahhhhhh.....I hate getting shots. After Summer School (today's theme was math) the kids and I went to Cub Scouts. I was called as the Bear Leader (again) I'm excited I really don't mind serving in scouts. The activities are easy and fun! Today we made tin can burners and cooked Hot Dogs. Karston really enjoys being a honorary scout! He really tries to get involved and help out anyway he can! After scouts we played on the slip and slide and put the sprinkler under the tramp. It was a lot of fun staying cool while playing in the sun. The kids went with Romney and Kirstin this evening so it was just me and Jeremy's Dad for dinner. We made homemade pizza together. It was a lot of fun!! After dinner I attempted to go for my run. This is becoming more and more difficult. I only went 2 miles and had to quit. I think in the next couple of weeks I'm going to end up wogging (walk jogging) my workouts!

Thursday the kids went to Day Camp again and had a BLAST!!! They really had such a great time playing with their friends!!! Again I some how avoided going to the Hospital for my shot. The kids were super good today we just played all day. We ran some quick errands and just played. I feel so tiered right now (I'm not sleeping at all anymore) that I really need days like this when I don't have anything to worry about. It was nice. We made dinner and brownies for dessert. The kids were so wasted from playing outside they all fell asleep by 7:30pm.

Today is Friday and we had summer school this morning. Today's lesson went really well. Today was Social Studies and the kids are almost done memorizing all 50 states. I'm so proud of them!!! We are going to start working on the Presidents within the next couple of weeks. Right now we are going to go up to the canyon to look for bugs and rocks (should be fun!)

I hope everyone has a great weekend!! I will go to the Hospital today and get my shot. I have to I have run out of days and excuses. Please wish me luck (I don't know what I think is going to happen) I love you all and will talk to you soon!

More 4th of July Fun

2009-07-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

Karston eating some yummy homemade ice cream

Konnie and Ken

Desmond and I during the fire works

Desmond with his ice cream and festive decorations

Karston watched the fire works from on top of my car. (Much to my dismay)

Desmond LOVES ice cream and as you can see he doesn't mind getting it Everywhere either

4th of July

2009-07-04T18:41:00.001-07:00

Happy 4th of July Today we spray painted patriotic T-Shirts

Made Red, White and Blue Pancakes for Breakfast

Karston said the blue pancakes tasted like blueberries

Karston and Kiana

A patriotic snack red, white and blue chocolate covered strawberries! The kids love making them and eating them!

Kiana shucking corn for the first time

The corn silk kinda freaked her out

We made Patriotic ice cream bombs.

Desmond looking like a hard core biker!

Blowing bubbles with Aunt Konnie

Today we had a lot of fun! While Desmond was napping with my sister Klarissa. Karston, Kiana, and I went swimming to the scera pool.

We had a BBQ with my family for Dinner hamburgers, chips, you know the traditional stuff. My mom made homemade raspberry, vanilla, and chocolate ice cream. Yummy!!!!

We are about to start fireworks!!! I am so excited! I love fireworks! I hope you all had a great 4th of July!

When the going gets tough... The tough get going!

2009-07-02T12:08:00.001-07:00

Last Night in the house

This is us leaving today for the last time...

I really don't know how to start out this blog. To tell everyone the truth I feel emotionally, physically, and mentally drained.

Over Father's Day weekend I went out to Nashville to visit Jeremy. While I was there I received a offer on my home. I really did not think this was ever going to happen so I was not prepared for it. The offer was great so I excepted the following day. The day after that my house was inspected and a appraiser went through the home. We were not expecting the appraisal to come through for at least a week but, 2 days later it came through and was good.

The buyers of my home had the funds already to purchase the home and wanted to move in the next week. I wasn't coming home until late Friday night so that meant I had Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to move completely out of my home. I was truly in shock by this whole experience. Everything was happening so fast I really was having a hard time leaving my friends and neighbors. I started avoiding everyone because emotionally I couldn't handle it. Every time I would see a neighbor I would brake down in tears. I have been through so much in my home. I felt safe in my neighborhood. I knew if I ever needed anything one of my dear friends and neighbors would be there to help me out. I'm crying right now even thinking about the many lessons and experiences I have gone through and experienced in my neighborhood and the amazing people there who inspired me to become a better person.

Because of the speed in which my house sold my amazing family came to the rescue. They came to my home and moved me completely out in 2 days. We packed everything into a storage unit down the street. I was extended the offer from not only my family to move in with them but, Jeremy's parents in Orem, Jeremy's parents in Arizona, and Romney and Kirstin told me I could move in with them. I was so overwhelmed by every ones generosity. Thank you, Thank you!!!!!

I truly miss my home, more then I expected. But, I know this was the time and I'm ready to move forward and learn new things in a new place. I know the fact that my house sold and sold for what I was asking for is such a HUGE blessing. I am grateful for a all knowing Heavenly Father who timed the sell of my home in such a way that he knew it would be the best time for me and my family to be with extended family.

Since moving out of my home life has thrown me a couple curve balls that to be perfectly honest with you I was not ready to handle. I am thankful for my testimony, I am thankful for family, and am thankful for my children, and I am thankful for the strength to keep going when life gets tough.

Life is never easy!!! Some days it is hard to keep going isn't it. But, what do we do? We keep going because life is worth it! If you were to see me right now I look emotionally, and physically worn down. There have been moments when I just wanted to give up and not go on. But, that is not me RIGHT!!! Things will get better they always do. I have written about this many times in my blog. I'm thankful for my trials and the lessons that I am able to learn. I am thankful that I am tough and that I have the ability to keep going......

I want everyone in my little neighborhood to know that I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! You have all inspired me and driven me to become a better person. I have met the best mom's in the world since living in Loch Lomond. You all try so hard to do and raise your children to be good and honest people. I have learned so much from each of you. I have learned so much about love from each of you. You have all been there for me in my many times of need. You have lifted me up and helped me become stronger. It is because of each of you I know I have the ability to face the trials and experiences I have ahead of me in my future. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Our Week at a glance

2009-06-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

Monday we read Bunnicula. Yes, we read the entire book!

Karston turned into a vampire boy

We sucked the blood out of these honeydew melons. (I filled the centers of them jigglers)

We had Vampire snacks

Desmond loved his Vampire snacks!!!

The next day it rained all day the kids all came over and played in the living room

Wednesday it rained again so we took advantage and played in the rain

Desmond really enjoyed playing in the rain

Thursday night we had a girl party at my house with some of Kiki's friends

It was another rainy day so we tried to cheer things up by having a dance party. We decorated and had cupcakes

Here are all the girls (and Desmond)

Friday we made comic books

Karston made one about Alien's and Kiana made one about monsters

Saturday we went to the Orem Summerfest Parade (we got rained out but, we did get this picture)

We waited in the car for the fireworks and we had a great time doing so. Almost my entire family was there all piled into our cars waiting for the fireworks. When they started the rain stopped and we all got out of the car. Karston wanted to stick his head out the sun roof and watch the amazing fireworks.

All in all a busy and fun week. Next week is even busier so check in next Sunday for a update!

Weekend Update

2009-06-07T15:24:00.001-07:00

This is Klarissa and I up at Strawberry Lake Craw Fishing

This is me with my chicken leg

Here is a craw fish up close and personal

The Bait

Here are my sweet kiddos before they went for the weekend with Romney and Kirstin.

This weekend I did my best to keep myself busy. The kids went with Romney Friday evening and I spent part of the night hanging out with my mom and running on the treadmill. I think I'm a little obsessed with exercising right now.

Saturday came and I ran 4 miles then went up to Orem to run some errands. I felt like I got a lot done yesterday. I made some business cards for my new business (I will announce this in a few weeks when the details are all ironed out and my web site is up and running)

I went to Borders Book Store and bought "Bunicula". Next week the kids and I are going to read Bunicula and we are going to do bunny vampire activities. I'm excited we have some fun crafts and meals planned. I will post pictures and activities as we do them.

I went to Sunflower Market and bought some yummy fresh veggies. Yes I'm obsessed with eating healthy (I think its this pregnancy, I'm obsessed with healthy eating and running)

After the market I went Craw fish fishing with my 2 brothers, sister, and my families rock star neighbors. We had a super fun time and I would suggest this activity to anyone who is looking for a FUN cheap activity this summer. We will be going again soon!

Things are going well. They are crazy but, going well! Last week Karston got a new cast on he went from a long cast to a short cast and he should be getting it off next week on Monday!

I went to the Baby Dr. and things look like they are going well. I had another ultrasound and they were able to check everything out. The triple screening came back good, I will receive my Glucose results next visit, and I will get my rogam shot (dang O- blood type)

I have gained a total of 2 pounds and I'm measuring just great!

Thank you for everyone who has been watching out for me and keeping me and my kids in mind. I really appreciate every ones help these last few weeks!! I really feel so blessed to have such amazing friends and family!

A fun and crazy day!

2009-06-04T13:47:00.001-07:00

Kiana and her friends playing with the horses
Here is a picture of our noodle horses

Our Cowboy village

Kiana, Desmond, and Karston

So I am doing my best to keep my 3 little guys busy this summer! I have come up with some fun, creative, and cheap ways to have fun while at home. Yesterday we had cowboy day and we made stick ponies out of swimming noodles. Each pony cost a grand total of $2.00 but, the time we spent together making them was priceless.

The idea for the noodle horse was actually all Karston's he said he saw them at school and gave me the run down on how they were made. So trusting my Karston we attempted making one and it turned out great! It was fun simple and hours and hours of entertainment.

We built a little village in the backyard out of boxes and played cowboys. It was a fun filled day. When I look back I am surprised at how much we accomplished! In fact I'm really surprised.

This is for Jeremy: (Here is the run down of the day)

Desmond woke me up at 5am I put on Elmo's world for him and jumped on the treadmill. I ran 3 miles then Karston and Kiana woke up. We had family prayer and scripture. We made pancakes for breakfast. After breakfast the kids colored some pictures for their Grandparents in AZ, and made some Birthday cards for thier Uncle (remember Rit's and Lori's Birthdays are coming up.) Then we all made our beds and got ready for the day. Then we all came down and made our noodle horses. While the horses dried we went to the park for about a hour. Then the kids got hungry for lunch. We came home and I made turkey wraps for lunch. I cleaned up the kitchen put, Desmond down for his nap. Then came downstairs and made Karston, Kiki and I root beer floats. We went outside and ate our snack. Then the 2 of them headed off to their friends house. We had someone walk through our house around 1pm that afternoon while the kids were out playing and Desmond was napping. They commented on the cleanliness of the house (yes!), then after that all the kids and their friends came back to the house and I made 3 more ponies and the girls went into the backyard to play ponie land and the boys went upstairs to watch a cartoon. Soon the boys came downstairs and wanted to play with the girls and that turned into a Rodeo to say the least. By this time Desmond was up trying to keep up with all the big kids. After everyone had a snack they traded houses again and gave me a chance to put my house back together I cleaned everything back up then called the kids home. I gave them each a bath and got them all cleaned up to go with Romney and Kirstin. Romney came over around 5:15 to pick up the kids. They left I made some brownies for the neighbors. Another couple walked through the house around 6pm that night. I came home and the sweet Bishop and his amazing family came over to check on me. After they left I ran another 2 miles on the treadmill. Then I came in my room and laid on the floor and fell asleep. Around 2 am I woke up and realized I was laying in middle of the floor and I got ready for bed and actually got into bed and went to sleep.

So there is the rundown of our day.

Here are some fun pics

2009-05-31T14:08:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what is all over his face but, he always seems to wear whatever he is eating

Karston and Kiana best friends! At least in my mind.

Here is my little Man. I can't believe how grown up he is!

Here is Miss Kiki De

I love waterproof casts! Karston can do everything anyone else can and I love it!

Good friends and a slip n slide. What else do you need??

Schools out time to swim in the backyard

Kiana at her Graduation

My Sweet Little Girl!

Here is Kiana at her final singing performance

Karston with his very loose tooth

Summer is here and we are all EXCITED!!

YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!!!!!!!

2009-05-06T15:05:00.000-07:00

Ok first off I don't think I have posted any new pictures of Kiana since her new hair cut. She cut off a ton of hair!!! She is really loving her new hair cut!! She is really lucky she can really get away with any length of hair.

So this week so far has been nothing short of a crazy adventure!! Monday Jeremy and I came to the conclusion that it would be better for the kids to stay here in Utah during the summer for stability. Also with being pregnant it makes it hard traveling around and missing Dr. appointments. It was a really tough decision but, I know it was the right one. I'm hoping to be able to go out and visit Jeremy for a week or so during the summer then maybe later on in the summer I will take the whole family out for a week vacation. For now we are just playing everything by ear.

Tuesday I had my Dr. appointment and I have to say I left very disappointed! I went in to have my 24 week ultrasound (where they check everything out eyes, mouth, spine) As I laid there on the ultra sound table the tech was attempting to check things out but, my little guy would not move. I mean would not move at all!!! I have to admit I was a little scared. We tried for 45 minutes to get the baby to move but, NOTHING! She was able to get a brief heart beat and that was it. Because of the position of the baby we were not able to see a thing! I left somewhat emotional. I was really looking forward to sending Jeremy some pictures. But, I guess I get to wait another 4 weeks. Oh well right.

Well, Tuesday night was fun we went to my parents house and had chicken tacos and spent sometime together as a family before my brother got set apart as a missionary. It was a fun night with really good food (like always)

Tuesday evening the kids and I arrived home past their bed times. They were all super tired. As soon as we walked in the door everyone went straight to bed. I was able to talk to Jeremy on the phone for a little while then I slowly fell asleep.

Around 1 am I heard a loud BANG!! I jumped up out of bed trying to figure out what just happened then I heard Karston screaming! I ran into his room to see what was going on. He was on the floor curled up in a ball just crying. I asked what was wrong and I could tell he was still half asleep. He was grabbing his arm telling me how bad it hurt. I carried him into my room where I could assess the situation better. In my bedroom I immediately saw almost like magic Karston's hand begin to swell. Karston was in so much pain. His face was pale, his body was trembling. I began to panic. What do I do?? Do I wait it out? Do I go to the ER? Do I wake up Desmond and Kiana? Do I call my family? Do I call a neighbor? What should I do?

I text Jeremy telling him the situation. I knew he would be asleep and probably would not get my message but, I sent it anyway. Almost immediately after I pushed send Jeremy called me back. I asked him what I should do? He told me to call someone for help. I'm so stubborn and I didn't want to wake anyone up so I told him I was going to wait it out till morning. I hung up the phone with him and held Karston. The pain was getting worse and his hand was getting bigger. So I woke up Desmond and Kiana and packed us all in the car and drove to the ER.

At the ER we were the only ones there. It was really nice we got right in and they started caring for Karston immediately. They took the X-Ray and not even 10 minutes later the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to see the X-Ray. I told her yes and followed her to see what had happened. Karston had broken his arm in 2 places. He had broken past 15 degrees which means a orthopedic surgeon needed to be called in to place it.

They sent us back to our room and contacted the Ortho. The ER Dr. shortly returned back to our room and explained what was going to happen. The Orthopedic Surgeon didn't want to come in but, the ER doctor didn't feel like he could send us home without trying to set Karston's arm as much as he could. So they drugged Karston up and set his arm. He was so brave!!! They had 3 people in the room to hold him down while they did it and all Karston could do was yelp out in pain. It broke my heart to see him in so much pain but, I knew this had to be done.

After all of this they put a temporary cast on Karston until we were able to get into the Orthopedic Surgeon to have it properly placed and put a hard cast on it. They sent us home with pain medication and ice. We arrived home around 3:20 am Desmond and Kiana went right back to bed (they were so good!) I put Karston in my room and propped his arm up with all of my pillows. About 30 minutes after we got home Karston finally fell asleep.

I had a really hard time falling back to sleep my mind was awake and ready for anything. Around 4:30 is when I finally fell back asleep.

Now that brings us to today. Karston woke up at the same time he always does 6am and wanted to watch Cartoons (he also needed some more pain meds) Desmond and Kiana slept in till around 8am. I have to admitt I'm still pretty tired but, doing okay.

Today my brother Ky went into the MTC. In fact I just got back from dropping him off! I'm so excited for him! We are all going to miss him like crazy but, I know he is doing the right thing by serving a full time mission! I'm so blessed to have such great brothers!

So that's what is going on.

Another Week Down way to many to go.........

2009-05-03T14:16:00.000-07:00

So the last time I posted as some of you could tell I was a little bit frazzled (to say the least.) Its weird how life just never stops happening. Each day I wake up and I brace myself for whatever is coming at me next.

This week it has been sickness. I feel like my kids are continually sick! Kiana and Desmond both came down with some weird flu thing. Knowing my luck I knew it would be H1N1 Flu (Swine Flu) so I took them into the Dr. Kiana was diagnosed with Asthma with a secondary infection and Desmond just had a freaky sinus infection. So they put Desmond on Augmentin and Kiana on Sigular and Xopenex. I was so happy that this was what they had. I could totally handle this. The kids still haven't slept through the night but, we are making progress in the right direction.

Okay so Karston this past week has been so so entertaining. He is coming up with the silliest things to talk about and do.

Lets start with this morning. So Karston came into my room around 4:30AM and asked me if he could have breakfast. I was so tired I told him to go down and get it himself. So Karston went downstairs and made himself a breakfast. Not much later Karston came into my room and layed down on my bed. Then all of a sudden I hear him run into my bathroom and start throwing up. My heart dropped this could not be happening. Why was Karston sick now? I ran in the bathroom and sure enough Karston said his tummy hurt. After throwing up everything but, the kitchen sink he went back and laid down in bed. Shortly after this I went downstairs to wash Karstons bedding and to rid the house of any sick germs before the other kids got out of their beds. Just before I was about to begin the laundry I noticed what Karston had made himself for breakfast.

Karston had come up with his own new cereal. It contained Swedish fish, sour patch kids, and life. Of course all covered in milk. He had eaten a entire package of Swedish fish and sour patch kids. No wonder he was throwing up. This was disgusting!!!!! I went upstairs to talk to Karston and he was laying on the bed. Before I could say anything Karston looked at me and said "Mom I wish there was 2 things not on this earth, Throwing up and lieing." I started laughing because earlier this week Karston got in trouble for lieing and had lost a couple of toys in the process. Apparently he has learned his lesson. I asked him how is breakfast was? He told me it was good but, he had eaten way to much! Obviously. Ahhhhh..... You got to love little boys.

Karston has also started (on his own) a Dream Journal. He wakes up every morning and writes down his dreams. If these dreams are real this kid has the craziest dreams EVER!! It has been really fun sharing these fun dreams (or stories) together every morning. He always draws pictures to go along with his dreams and man are they good. Lately he has been dreaming a lot about Sharks and Skeletons. I know really random.

Karston has also been asking me to change his Birthday to June 1st. I told him that Heavenly Father was the only one who could change your Birthday (why did I say that??) So every night now in Karston prayers he has been asking Heavenly Father to tell me that it is okay to change his Birthday to June 1st.

The other day Karston came and asked me if we could buy a "Rest Bucket" what in the world is a "Rest Bucket?" Karston in a sarcastic tone told me "Mom, you know." No I really don't I replied. Karston went on to say "You know mom the car that the police can't get you in if you don't wear your seat belt.and they have beds, a motor home." You want me to buy a motor home? Why did you call it a rest bucket? I asked. Well, Karston said its a better name then a motor home. Ok I didn't know what to say. He wants a Motor Home so when we drive to Orem (oh the whole 10 minutes it takes he won't have to wear a seat belt and if he wants he can take a nap.)

Okay so there are a few of the silly things Karston has done this week. This coming week should be exciting. Today is my Brother Kevins Birthday, Tuesday I have my OB appointment, Wednesday my Brother leaves for the MTC, and the rest of the week is up for grabs. We will see what happens.

I will write soon..... I'm excited to see how my Dr. appointment goes. I feel like this baby is huge. I have never gotten this big this fast. Ahhh But, I also never found out I was pregnant so far along either. That in and of itself has thrown everything off. Oh well I feel like I'm caring twins.

I really do feel great most of the time! I have been running at least 2 miles everyday and I feel like in someway that has helped me maintain my sanity. Okay I'm rambling (I do that all the time don't I) Well I will write on Tuesday and let you all know how my appointment goes.

Love you all!!

Finally a New Post!!

2009-04-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

Alright here is a update. So many crazy things have happened over the past 2 weeks.

Looking back on the last 2 weeks I have really come close to having a nervous breakdown but, I'm still here and making it through each day one step at a time.

We all really miss Jeremy but, he is doing great out in Philly. To our surprise the apartments his office rented ended up being better then they expected. His office has really started things off on the right foot. They have been number one in the company and sales have been better than expected. The official start day for summer is May 1st so we have our fingers crossed that the rest of the summer will just keep getting better!

Both Jeremy and I have had a few crazy experiences over the past few weeks. Jeremy drove to Philly 36 hours (yes I would have died!) The drive was beautiful so I was told but, the tolls were out of control!! It ended up costing around $100.00 per car just in toll fees! CRAZY! Jeremy drove out there with both of our cars so $200.00. We were not expecting that! Oh well, I'm just glad he arrived safe and without injury!

After arriving in Philly they settled in and the battery in my remote car thing died. So the car alarm kept going off. I felt so bad because I kept the spare key with me thinking that was the smart thing to do. Well, I sent the key with a co-worker who went out on Monday and that situation was resolved.

Jeremy I think is missing my cooking a little. Jeremy LOVES muffins but, he didn't bring a muffin tin with him so today I called him and he told me he made a huge muffin cookie. He mixed up the muffin mix and piled it onto a cookie sheet and baked it. It made one large cookie muffin pancake looking thing. I kinda laughed when I heard this. At least he is being creative.

The kids and I have had our fair share of weird things happen. We got stuck on I-15 for over 2 hours one night. The next night we witnessed a hit and run. A lady ran into a fence that was holding horses (for those of you who live by me it was at the turn of death) she hit the fence then took off! I was left with all these horses running out onto the street. I called 911 and explained the situation. She told me to do my best in keeping the horses together. I thought "are you kidding I know nothing about horses!" Well to make a very very long and traumatizing story short the horses where saved!, my car died, Karston threw up in the car, I ran home with my kids who had no shoes on, ran back, jumped my car, came home and cleaned up throw up in my car until 2:30 am. Yes, I really thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

The next day Karston was attempting to retrieve a toy that was taken away from him (it was on the top of my closet) He decided he could do a pull up on the rack in the closet and lift his 70 pound body up to his toys. Well he successfully pulled down my entire bar that all of my clothes where hung up on. Wow, I couldn't believe this was happening.

So I needed a little relief because I was going to freak out because I felt like everything was going slightly wrong. So I told the kids I was going to jump in the shower really quick. Wow bad idea because Kiana and all of her friends decided to join me while I was taking my shower. I totally screamed (yes, so now 3 neighbor kids have seen me naked) This shower was more traumatizing then stress relieving. I will now only shower after the kids go to bed.

Okay I have more to but, I know this post is already to long. I miss not having a computer or the Internet at my house right now!! So I can only blog when I'm out at my parents. I will write soon!

So next time I will update you on the car situation, the pregnancy, and all the other juicy details of my life! I love you all

Jeremy is leaving on MONDAY!

2009-04-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it is time for Jeremy to leave for Philadelphia. He is leaving super early Monday morning. He will be back the last week in August. This still seems very unreal. Today I have spent most of my day packing him up and buying groceries to supply his apartment.

The kids and I will be joining Jeremy after Karston gets out of school at the end of May. This just all seems crazy! But, exciting all at the same time. I have been online all week checking out all the really fun things for us to do while we are in Philadelphia. There are so many FREE and inexpensive things to do. Our apartment is in Blue Bell, PA. (this is just a half hour or so out of Philly from what I hear)

I really hope that everything goes according to plan. Jeremy is taking both of our cars out to Philly and I will be using a car that one of his employees is leaving at our house for me to car sit during the summer. We are doing this so I don't have to drive out to PA this summer. I will fly out with the kids in June and my car will be waiting for me.

I feel so frantic today!! There is so much going on. AHHHHH okay I will write later when I can think more clearly.

Everyone wish me good luck I feel like I'm packing up a teenager for college. Okay gotta go!

Picture Update

2009-04-09T13:41:00.001-07:00

Desmond enjoying some Yummy Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies that I actually made!

Here is a picture of one of the cookies I made! First attempt at this recipe!

Desmond and Jeremy just kicking back watching some Basketball. I love hoe Desmond copies everything Jeremy does!

Kiana ready for church in her new spring/summer dress!

Desmond in Arizona about to go on a walk when a butterfly landed on his stroller. It made its way down to Desmond and then Sake (Grandma's Dog) tried to eat it.

Desmond in his big boy bed. I can't believe he will stay in this all night and he still takes his naps!!

Karston and I went on a date the other night to a Jazz Game! We had so much fun!! I love hanging out with my Karston!

Karston and Kiana are obsessed with eating with chopsticks!! They eat anything and everything with them including pasta salad and chips and dip!

Desmond has figured out how to open the pantry door and get the cereal out. I love that he always goes for the Lucky Charms.

On April Fools I made the kids and their friends a sweet trick! I made cupcakes inside of ice cream cones. Desmond LOVED it!!

I just told Desmond he could have a cookie and this is the smile I got. He truly is the cookie monster!

This is Karston on his way to school on Valentines Day. I Love this picture of him! I think he looks so handsome!

This was the Valentines Day Card box Karston and I made. He didn't want it to be girly so we made it a monster! I thought it turned out well.

My Little Kiki had surgery!

2009-04-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

This past Tuesday Kiana had the fun experience of getting her Adenoid and Tonsils removed! She was really excited to get them taken out!! All she would talk about is how she is going to eat so many Popsicles and she can have all the ice cream she wants. I was really happy that she was looking forward to the experience rather then dreading it. The morning of the surgery you could tell Kiana was become more and more worried about her upcoming procedure. Jeremy gave her a blessing right before we left and carried her out to the car. She wouuldn't let go of Jeremy this was my first clue that things might not go as smoothly this morning as I had originally planned.

We got to Utah Valley Regional Hospital Outpatient and Kiana was quickly checked in and given her Hospital attire. Kiana started to freak out. She didn't want to change, she didn't want anyone to touch her, she just kept crying and repeating I want to go home. Kiana would not for the life of her sit on the Hospital bed provided for her she would rotate from my lap to my mom's lap. She was so nervous!! I was worried! All I could think about is how she is going to start screaming when they try to take her back into surgery. I don't think I could emotionally handle that.

Kiana asked me to wrap her up in her blanket. To protect her from the blood pressure cuff and from getting her temperature checked. My Mom and I kept trying to distract her (My Mom was a lot better at it then I was.) The nurses kept telling Kiana that it would be super fast and she would sleep the entire time. Kiana informed us all including the nurses that she would NOT be falling asleep. Okay at this point I was just as nervous as Kiana how was this all going to go down???

My Dad ran over from the Hospital to come wish Kiana good luck! At this point the nurses had called the anaesthesiologist and asked for permission to give Kiana some medication (Versed) to help relax her. They asked if I was okay with this (I couldn't have been happier) anything to help her not be scared! The nurse came in and I gave her the medication (Kiana was not going to let the nurse touch her) I was praying that this medication would work. Karston had taken this same medication and it had a really adverse affect on him. He became hyper paranoid and it made the situation worse! I could only hope that Kiana would just calm down and fall asleep. Well my Dad was called back into the Hospital for work and Kiana came back down with me and it was so crazy!

Within 5 minutes Kiana went from crying because she was scared to crying because she couldn't stop laughing! She was like a drunken sailor she couldn't sit up at all she was all over the place. She kept talking about Disney World and then she would just start laughing!

The nurse came in and asked Kiana her name. Kiana just started laughing and then she started spelling it out. She couldn't even talk she started slurring all of her letters together. She was totally out of it.

It was time for Kiana to go back into surgery. By this point you could have told Kiana just about anything and she would have agreed with you. I laid her down on the Hospital bed and the nurses told her they were going to take her on a ride. She was so Happy still laughing and off she went into surgery. That was so much easier then watching a screaming child get whisked away into surgery. I was so thankful that the small amount of medication they gave Kiki seemed to calm her nerves.

Kiana did GREAT in surgery. The procedure only lasts about 20 minutes Kiana woke up Happy (I think the drugs still had a pretty big hold on her) She kept talking about how much fun she had at the hospital! The nurse brought her out a slushie because they don't like you to go home until you drink something. Kiana downed it! Kiana was so excited to ride in a wheelchair out to the car and to put on the new Pajama's her Grandma had brought her. I think she would have eaten a piece of steak if that is what they asked her to do.

We arrived Home and very true to Kiana's character the first thing she asked is if she could play with her friends. I told her that she needed to take it easy. Jeremy had rented a bunch of movies for her and was ready with Popsicles when we arrived home. Kiana was super hungry! She ate a yogurt, a jello cup, 2 Popsicles, and she had some apple juice. After she had eaten all of that she looked at me and said "Mom, all I really want is a turkey sandwich" a turkey sandwich?? Are you kidding me your throat should be hurting and you want a turkey sandwich. I didn't know what to do. The Dr. said she can eat anything she wants! If she wants to eat it let her. It helps the healing process. He said. Still, I called the Dr. just to make sure because maybe kids don't ask for things like turkey sandwiches maybe most little kids think a pudding is daring.

So I called the Dr. and the nurse started to laugh. A turkey sandwich she repeated over and over again. Is she a big eater? she asked. Yes! I replied my kids LOVE food! The nurse laughed again. Well, if that is what she wants there is no reason she cannot eat it.

Well, I guess if they say it is alright there is no harm in letting her try it. So I made Kiana a turkey sandwich and she ate the entire thing at the speed of light. Wow! my kids really do love food they will eat even if it is painful. (Actually I think the medication hadn't worn off yet and she was still in la la land)

Kiana did really well that first day! It was really nice! Romney and Kirstin stopped by and brought Ki some yummy push-up's. They also brought Karston and Desmond some ice cream (that was really nice because the boys are really jealous of Kiana right now.) Then Kiana's Primary teacher (and a amazing friend) brought us over dinner! It was so yummy and very thoughtful. Kiana's preschool class made her get well cards and some paper flowers. We are so blessed to live by such amazing people!

Yesterday was a little bit rougher. Kiana is still on pain medication but, it doesn't take away everything. Its getting tougher and tougher to get her to eat! One of Kiana's friends yesterday came over and brought her a frozen go-gurt and watched a movie (Island Princess) with Kiana. That was so thoughtful and nice. It distracted Kiana for a little while and she really needed that!! A little bit later that night another one of Kiana's friends brought her and her brothers over a frosty from Wendy's another very thoughtful act! Thank You!!!!

Last night was completely insane!!! Kiana (this is normal) but, has developed a fever and last night it got really high! She was so tired and sore and she couldn't stop crying which made everything worse! She was scared to close her eyes she told me spiders were crawling up her. I didn't know if she was reacting to the medication or if this was the fever talking but, she was completely out of it!! I slept on the floor in her room as much as I could so I would be there when she suddenly would wake up in a panic. Desmond must of heard Kiana and also wanted to join in on all the fun. So between the 2 of them I had my work cut out for me last night! (Thank you Karston for staying asleep!)

Today Kiana hasn't wanted to eat again. I can still get her to take small sips of juice but, that's about it! I'm thankful that the first day home she ate so well! It gives me some piece of mind that she will not starve. She has finally fallen asleep she has been fighting it all morning long!! The Dr said this would be normal and that tomorrow should be the same or worse then today. Then things should start to get better.

Its always nerve racking as a parent to have your kids not feeling well. Its hard not being able to take away their pain. I'm really grateful that even though I can't take away Kiana's pain I am able to be here and comfort her emotionally. As overwhelming as it is having her constantly want me at her side. I'm so glad that she does want me there and she feels a measure of comfort by my presence. I love being a Mom and I am so thankful for the sweet experiences we have the opportunity to experience each day.

I'm grateful for Kiana's Dr and the amazing job he did on her. I know that this procedure will benefit Kiana's life in so many ways. (She will be able to sleep at night!, Kiana had sleep apnea) I'm so grateful for the thoughtfulness of our families and friends! Thank you so much for keeping little Kiana in your thoughts and prayers! We truly are blessed!!!!

SURPRISE!!!!!!!

2009-03-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

So much has gone on since I posted last. The house situation is still the same. We have about 1 walk through every 2 weeks. I need to be happy about having anyone walk through. I know of so many other houses on the market that haven't had any walk through. I'm just going to be patient and know things will work out.

Good news on the car front. I just got of the phone with Kevin Galleger (the owner of Utah Auto Sales) and he told me my licence plates and title are in the mail. I'm hoping this is for real! This would be such a relief!!!! I can't wait to drive my car around and not be nervous about getting pulled over for expired registration.

Last Monday Karston and Kiana went to Florida (Disney World) with their Dad Romney and Kirstin. They will be home tonight. I know they are having such a great time! Every time I talk to them on the phone it is non stop excitement. I'm so happy that they had the opportunity to go on such a fun vacation. I miss them so much but, I know they are safe, happy, and building great memories with their Dad and Kirstin. I am a little jealous I've never been to Disney World. I can't wait to hear all about their fun vacation when they get home tonight!

Since the older 2 kids were gone with Romney. Jeremy and I decided to take a quick trip down to Arizona with Desmond and visit his Mom and Step-Dad. It was so nice getting away from the cold and just being in the nice beautiful sunshine. Whenever we visit Arizona we are spoiled rotten. We had such a great time! Desmond was the center of every ones attention and he LOVED it!!!! Jeremy and I were able to go to a couple NCAA Basketball games (so much FUN!!), we took Desmond swimming, Jeremy's mom took us all shopping, and we just got to relax. This was such a fun visit!!!

Life is GREAT and yes, like I have said so many times full of surprises. This past week Jeremy and I had a really BIG surprise. That proved to both of us the excitement and unexpectedness of life.

Well like I said in my earlier posts. I have been having some negative tests results from my yearly check-up. These results really got to me. I was frustrated, scared, and emotional. I haven't been feeling good and loosing weight (normally a good thing ) but, under the circumstances I was worried. I couldn't eat because it just made me feel sick. What was going on with me??

So just over a week ago I was laying in bed and I felt a lump in my stomach. I reached over and woke Jeremy up and said feel this. Jeremy reached over and kinda jumped back and asked what is that? I told him I didn't know it felt like a grapefruit. This got me really nervous. Do I have a tumor? Is this another Dermoid Cyst?? I called the Dr. and made a appointment.

The earliest they could get me in was Monday (the day Karston and Kiana left for Florida and the night Jeremy and I were leaving for Arizona.) So the Dr. asked me to go have some blood work done at the Hospital before I came in. The results would come back in about 2 hours. I went to have my blood drawn and waited with baited breath for the results. Well 2 hours past and my phone rang. It was a nurse from my Dr. office. She had some SURPRISING news. Your Pregnant she said. What????? This thought had not even crossed my mind because I have a IUD. I couldn't be pregnant. She told me to come in and have a ultrasound and they can tell me how far along I am.

I tell the news. I don't have a tumor, I'm Pregnant. WOW talk about excitement! He hugs me and then starts talking about how fun that would be if we were having twins!! Ummmmm I'm not so sure about the twin thing but, this is exciting that we are going to have a baby.

So we jump in the car and head down to Provo for the ultrasound. On the way down in the car I'm sitting there calculating how far along I could be. So many numbers kept coming up. I truly had NO clue! I could I have not known. I feel so stupid!

So we get there and they get us back and I feel my self start to shake. I was so nervous!! This all couldn't be happening. I laid down on the table and the ultrasound tech started the ultrasound. I was shocked!!!!! This was Jeremy's first time experiencing this but, this wasn't my first time. I knew I wasn't just 10 weeks along because what I saw on that screen was a full baby (not the jelly bean with a heart beat.) You could see feet, hands, a cute little profile. I could see everything. Do you want to know what it is? The tech asked. You can tell? Yep. She replied. Of course I want to know. Then she shifted the baby and even I could tell. IT'S A BOY!!! Okay this was a lot to take in. How far along am I? I asked. You are a 15 weeks. Wow. Again I was laying there in complete shock. I really couldn't believe this was all happening.

So I will say it a million times! Life is full of Surprises!! This is one surprise both Jeremy and I are so excited for!!

Jeremy leaves for Phillie in just over a week. This summer is sure going to be a adventure (especially adding on our new little addition.) We are ready for whatever lies ahead and the many other surprised our Heavenly Father has in store for us!!!

My official due date is September 25th.

Oh another kinda funny thing is that this all happened on the 1 year anniversary of Jeremy and I being together. What a crazy year!!!!

As soon as Jeremy gets home I will have him scan in some of the pictures of the ultrasound and I will post them. I'm so excited!!!

I don't know where this post will end up........

2009-03-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone I feel like I haven't posted anything in forever!! Life has been crazy but, that's life right!

My house is up for sale and we have had a half dozen walk throughs but, nothing promising. I really dislike having my house up for sale. It is stressful not only on me but, the entire family. The OCD in me has come out in full force. I have packed up everything in our house except essentials so that all the cupboards and drawers look spic and span. So my kitchen is totally packed up and I am working with 1 cookie sheet, 1 9x13 pan, and a few other essentials. I don't know how long I can live like this. My kids are so bored with the house because I have packed up all of the toys except 1 box of girl toys and 1 box of boy toys. They always want to be over at their friends house and I do not blame them at all. Ahhhhh I hate that the market is so bad right now!!!!

So last week the kids were sick (YUCK!) Karston and Kiana were throwing up everywhere and had fevers. The throwing up lasted about 3 days for Kiana 4 days for Karston. Then poor little Desmond got pneumonia. That little guy just can't fight off the respiratory infections. Jeremy and I sat up with Desmond just watching him making sure he was breathing okay. He sure gave us a couple of scares but, we were able to keep him out of the hospital!!! I was very grateful for that!! He is doing so much better now. The Dr. put him on a some steroids and antibiotics hopefully the steroids will help strengthen his little lungs!!!!

Ummmm what else is going on??? I received a notice from Karston's school saying I could go to Jail if Karston misses anymore school. (Its not my fault the school bus is late and the teacher didn't know how to put in tardies so she was marking all the kids who rode the bus absent.)

Does anyone want my Dog because he is driving me insane??!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhh......... So my car that has the expired registration in the window. I'm sure some of you have been wondering what in the world is going on. So I purchased my car through Utah Auto Sales. When I purchased the car I was told I could bring it back in the next week to have it detailed and registered. So I went back in and guess what?? The dealership had foreclosed! Ahhhhhhhh are you kidding me. This was a very large dealership. I contacted the dealership and I was told that they submitted all the information for my registration and I should be receiving my plates shortly. Needless to say I never received my plates and come to find out my lien holder never received the title to my car. Yes, I'm freakin out. I filled a report with the DMV and I have been contacted by numerous people in the same or worse situations to be involved with a class action law suit. So this is what I have come to find out through my own detective work. Utah Auto Sales was selling cars in which they did not have the titles too. So the title to my car some auction has it. I was told by the owner of Utah Auto Sales (yes, I tracked him down) that he was attempting to get a loan so he could purchase all the titles of all the cars that he has sold. Ahhhh he then told me how hard his life was and how he hasn't made his house payment in 4 months and he works 20 hour days and he had a heart attack 2 weeks ago. I mean I feel bad but, what can I do?? If he doesn't get this loan my car will be taken away from me and I have no idea what will go on with my loan. AHHHHHHHH..........

Okay apparently I need to vent. So a couple of months ago I went in to have the wonderful lovely yearly pap smear and exam. Doesn't everyone look forward to this day. So no news is good news right. Well, a couple days after my exam I get a call from my OB saying I need to come back in for more testing. Are you kidding??? I was neg. for the HPV virus which is good but, I guess my cells look suspicious. I should pre-curse this with this is not the first time this has happened. After I had Kiana this exact thing happened. I literally had 8 pap smears and a biopsy the year following the birth of Kiana. It was really frustrating because everything just always looked suspicious. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! As much as I love having full examinations there is only so much a person can take. So my second results have come back suspicious so I have the wonderful opportunity to go back in again. I mean if nothing is wrong why should I have to keep going back in. But, I worry if I don't go back in then I will regret that choice. Don't get me wrong I am so grateful nothing is wrong but, for the first time in my life when a Dr. says no news is good news I don't want to hear back from him!!!

Okay this is random. My Wedding photographer has entered a picture of Jeremy and I into a competition to be on the cover of a magazine. The winner is chosen by popular vote. If our photo wins we will receive a canvas print of one of our prints. So if you have a second go and Vote!!! The website is
http://www.utahbrideandgroom.com/Utah-Bride-and-Groom-Magazine/Utah-Bride-and-Groom-magazine-cover-photo-contest/

You just enter your name and the photo number at the bottom of the screen and hit submit. The photo number is 1077.

Check it out!!

Alright I think I am done venting........

Rumor Control (oh ya it was my Birthday too!)

2009-02-20T12:25:00.000-08:00

Alright let me start with setting the record straight!! Jeremy and I are putting our House up for sale. It will go on the market this coming Monday. Okay now let me answer the most common questions.

"Why are you selling your house?" I LOVE it here and I LOVE my neighbors!! This is the most amazing neighborhood I could of ever dreamed of living in. But, emotionally I need to get out of this house. Jeremy and I need something that is just ours!!! This has been a very hard decision for the both of us. But, in the end we know this is the right choice.

"Where are you moving?" Well with the market as slow as it is we don't know how long it will take to sell the house. Jeremy's office is in Phillie this summer and I would like to sell it before he leaves so he can be here to help me with all the hard work. But, if not we will move to Phillie this summer hope that the house sells while we are out there! Then at the end of the summer we will come back and purchase a new home together! Jeremy and Karli's house (that will be so so nice!)

"What happens if your house sells before the summer?" Then we will be renting until the summer. We will either rent back from whomever purchases our home or rent a apt or house for a few months till summer gets here.

"Are you going crazy trying to clean your house so it will be ready for the market?" YES! YES! YES!

"Have you cried about leaving the neighborhood?" Yes, more then once!

Like I said earlier this has been a super hard choice for Jeremy and I but, in the end we know this is what is best for our family.

Okay now that I have gotten that out of the way.... It was my Birthday the other day! and my Brother Ky received his Mission Call on my Birthday!! Ky is going to be serving in the Tacoma, Washington Mission (yes, that is were Forks, Washington is located) Ky is serving in the Twilight mission he will be amongst Vampires and Werewolves alike. I'm super excited for him!!

So my birthday was wonderful! I was spoiled by my sweet Jeremy! He bought me the Knife set I have been eyeing at Costco for the past while. It was so thoughtful!! The kids made me cards and gave them to me with my favorite treats. My mom came over for lunch and made me my favorite meal (when I was a kid) tuna sandwiches on pitas, Doritos, and Oreos. It was so thoughtful!! Jeremy's mom also spoiled me by sending me a gift certificate to a Day Spa! I felt like a princess!

That evening the kids went with their Dad and Jeremy took me out. We drove down to Happy Sumo and he picked up the Sushi he had ordered to go. Then we drove up to the Canyon and ate our Sushi (actually in the car because it was to cold) up in Timp. Park. Then we drove back down and he bought me a Caramel Apple from Rocky Mtn. Candy Factory. It was a Perfect Birthday!!!

Oh ya up date with the cookie baking. Its going soooooo much BETTER! Thank you everyone for all your fabulous tips!! I will post some pictures of my latest creations soon!!

Ahhhhhh..... I hate making COOKIES!!!!!!!!

2009-02-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

Alright I need to vent......

So I enjoy cooking. I really do I love preparing a meal, making bread or rolls, I LOVE making soup. But, I hate making Cookies!!! They are EVIL!! I have never had the cookie making talent. I don't really like cookies so it wasn't that big of a deal to me until lately because Jeremy LOVES cookies, Desmond is the Cookie Monster, and Kiana and I need some bonding during the day while the boys are all away (Desmond napping, Karston at school, and Jeremy is at work.)

So for the last week or so Kiana and I have been making cookies everyday. I kid you not when I say NONE of them have turned out! The kids still seem to enjoy them and when Karston's friends come over after school they will eat them but, Jeremy wouldn't have a clue that I have even attempted to make cookies because I have rid my house of any evidence of these failed cookie attempts before he comes home. Okay I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Its not that I think Jeremy would make fun of me or do something mean to me because I am such a crappy cookie cook (did I just say that) its more because I really have been trying to think of ways I can show Jeremy appreciation and I would hate to give him a pile of yucky cookies that is to resemble how much I appreciate him. Ahhhhhh....... What is it?? Why can't I make cookies?

I think the biggest problem is patience. With sugar cookies I don't want to wait 2 hours until the cookie dough is set I want them now. With all the other kind of cookies I really have come to the conclusion that they just don't like me and that's just fine because I don't like them either.

Okay right now I am watching Desmond eat one of these snickerdoodles I attempted making today (that turned out all flat) He is dipping it in his water and telling me how yummy it is. It looks disgusting.

So if anyone out there in this blogging world has any fool proof cookie recipe that they would be willing to share with me because I not giving up I am going to make cookies everyday until I figure out what I am doing wrong! Until then I will continue to buy cookies from Paradise Bakery put, them on a plate and pretend that I'm the one that made them.

Kiana Kiana Kiana

2009-02-05T12:06:00.000-08:00

My little Kiana is so funny! I have to share this experience that happened with her just this morning.

This week in Kiana's preschool they were learning about the letter "N" so today the teacher asked that each child bring with them a piece of paper telling what their name means or why they were given that specific name.

So this week I have been talking to Kiana about her name and why she is named Kiana Elyse. Kiana means: Divine and to live with Grace. I told her about how when she was born her Dad and I were trying to decide between 2 names Georgia Sue or Kiana Elyse (Georgia means "Farmer or Tiller of the earth") But, when she was born there was no doubt she was not a Georgia she was defiantly Kiana.

Today Kiana was talking to me about the definition of her name. She kept saying Kiana means to live with Grace. I agreed with her and kept going on with my daily tasks (yes, cleaning the house) So right before I took Kiana to preschool this morning I went up into her room and I noticed that she had her suit case packed full of random clothes. I called her up and asked her what was going on. She told me she was going to go and live with Grace. I started laughing (Grace is a sweet little girl who lives down the street from us) Kiana had taken the meaning of her name so literally that she had packed up some of her things and was going to move away. I asked her if she would miss me (I was kinda surprised she had packed up her things so easily) she told me it wouldn't be that big of a deal because she would be just down the street.

Oh Kiana, I gave her a big hug and told her that to live with Grace didn't mean she had to live with someone named Grace. She seemed completely confused by this concept. I just hugged her again and we both laughed.

Kiana has now informed me because she is not allowed to go and live with Grace down the street. When Jeremy and I decide to have a baby we have to name it Grace so she can live with Grace.

Thanks Kiana for the laughs this morning and for agreeing to stay and live with me even though my name is not Grace.

Did you really just say that??

2009-02-04T20:40:00.000-08:00

So have any of your husbands ever said something that just throws you back and you have to think to yourself "did I just hear that?" Well, Jeremy said something to me that other day that I really couldn't believe. I laugh almost every time I think about it. So here is what happened.....

As some of you know I'm a little OCD when it comes to the cleanliness of my house. I like organization and I tend to be a minimalist. I have actually gotten worse over the years. I don't know what it is I just want everything put away and the house to smell like cleaners.

So sweet Jeremy the other day told me how "cleaning the house is selfish" I seriously made him repeat himself. Yes, he said exactly what I thought he had "cleaning the house is selfish" I asked him why he thought that? He went on to explain how he didn't care if the house was clean, the kids didn't care if the house was clean. The only person that cared if the house was clean was me so in turn that made cleaning a selfish act.

WOW!, I never in a million years would have put cleaning the house into the selfish category but, I guess its all a matter of perspective.

Jeremy, went on to explain that instead of spending my days worried about scrubbing the kitchen floor I should be playing with the kids, building forts, reading books, ect....

I want to Thank Jeremy for his comment. It has really changed my perspective on cleaning. Its really okay if I don't get the laundry done one day if that means I had the opportunity to spend a little more time with my family. I still don't agree completely with Jeremy's comment. But, I'm going to better organize my time and clean while the kids are napping or at school. I'm going to do my best not to be obsessed with cleaning the house.

Jeremy Thank you for your perspective and for just telling me how you see it. I know I might not always agree with you but, listening and seeing things from your perspective has truly helped me become a better person.

That Groundhog Better try again because I do NOT like his answer!

2009-02-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

6 More weeks of Winter! Are you kidding me! I'm serious when I say I really need spring right now!! This is not a want, it is a NEED!!!!

So anyone up for a trip? Lets all go to Hawaii!! I here it is warm and beautiful there this time of year.

Jazz Family BBQ Night

2009-01-28T19:58:00.000-08:00

Alright tonight was such a FUN night!!! As some of you know Jeremy and I have season tickets to the Utah Jazz. With our season tickets we get a few perks like events like tonight. Tonight we got to take the entire family to the Energy Solutions Arena and eat dinner with all of the Jazz players.

I really didn't know what to expect but, I was pleasantly surprised! We sat down in the first few rows of the arena and ate Hot Dogs, BBQ Beef sandwiches, pasta salad, fruit, chips, and Desmond's favorite Cookies (I think he ate like 5.)

After we ate we all played those cheesy games they always play during the game. But, it was fun because the members of the Utah Jazz would get out there and help all the little kids win! It was so fun to watch and participate in. They gave everyone in the arena the chance to come down and participate even if it was just trying to make a basket.

After the games we had the opportunity to go around and meet the Jazz players get our picture taken and get their autographs.

So I was super excited!!! Jeremy wasn't able to come with us because he had some church meetings so I took my sister Kira. We had fun going around getting autographs for Paul (her husband) who LOVES the Jazz and the kids and I took pictures with some of our favorite players.

What a fun night!!

Here are some of the pictures we took tonight.

Here the kids and I are with Matt Harpring.

Kosta (okay I love the name) he was super friendly.

Yes, this was really the only picture I wanted. Kyle Korver. Okay he is so much better looking in person then he is in this picture. I laugh whenever I see this picture because of Karston's face. As you can see Karston was not as excited as I was.

Chinese New Year

2009-01-26T19:19:00.000-08:00

This past weekend we had the fun opportunity of Celebrating Chinese New Year!! I have always enjoyed that my family Celebrates (well not only this Holiday but, any Holiday we can get together and eat yummy yummy food.)

Karston and Kiana have been looking forward to Chinese New Year for about a week! They were so excited to eat Chinese Food, watch fire works, and eat fortune cookies. Everyday Karston would ask me if it was Chinese New Year yet and then he would go on to explain to me how important that day is in China.

The night before Chinese New Years Eve we laid out every ones red outfits (we made sure no one was wearing black (that would be bad luck)) then the kids went to bed super excited for the next day.

On Sunday we all got ready in our Red Sunday best and went to church. Kiana informed everyone she saw that she was wearing red because it means she is lucky and then went on to inform anyone wearing black that they were bad luck.

On our way home from church Karston asked what time we would be going to Grandma's for dinner and I told him at 3:59 because the number 4 means death. He looked at me and smiled a silly grin. I knew he was up to something. We get inside and the kids changed into their normal red clothes (that's what they called them) and while I was getting myself changed I hear Kiana crying I run into her room to see what is wrong and I see Karston standing there trying to look innocent. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that Karston told her that she was going to die because she was 4 and anyone that is 4 dies on Chinese New Year. AHHHHHHH!!!! I then explained to Karston about superstition and how it is all about tradition. I then comforted Kiana and reinforced the fact that it is fine that she is 4 and she would not die.

Well, we all headed over to my Mom's house were her sweet amazing neighbors joined us (or we joined them) in this fun traditional Chinese New Years Eve Dinner. My parents neighbors are these amazing people who have become just like family. Sis. S is from the Orient it was so fun learning about the meaning behind each dish. It was fun having my kids try these unique and delicious dishes. My mom made this really good pork and shoyou chicken (so good) I brought brownies and I felt so evil because they were black. My sister Konnie made this cake she dyed it red and then painted the Chinese Symbol for Ox on it. Way to go Kon super impressive!!! So FUN FUN FUN!!!! Everyone needs to celebrate Chinese New Year!!

Kiana informed me I had to eat the eyes. I told her that only little girls had too. She totally believed me and ate one. Good Job Kiana!!!

Here is a picture of part of our Feast. Brocolii with Shrimp, Lion Head Meatballs, Pork, Sweet and Sour Chicken, this yummy traditional Chicken with boiled oil and Veggies, 2 Kinds of rice and so much more...... (sorry I don't remember all of thier names or thier traditional names)

Kiana and her friend Little J. Getting ready to Eat and Eat and Eat........

Karston wanted to eat with Chop Sticks so bad. Sis. S taught him some really good basic techniques. He has been practicing at home. You can see here that some times its just easier to stab the food. Hey that's what I do most of the time.

Desmond was also joining in on wanting to use the Chop Sticks but, aparently he only wanted to use one. He has totally perfected the stabbing the food technique.

This is a picture of our yummy desserts. Yes my mom made homemade almond cookies (my favorite), Konnies cake, fortune cookies, and my mom's homemade macaroons. Oh ya and my evil death brownies...

Our Families Chinese Zodiac Symbols

Jeremy: The Year of the Rooster:People born in the Year of the Rooster are deep thinkers, capable, and talented. They like to be busy and are devoted beyond their capabilities and are deeply disappointed if they fail. People born in the Rooster Year are often a bit eccentric, and often have rather difficult relationship with others. They always think they are right and usually are! They frequently are loners and though they give the outward impression of being adventurous, they are timid. Rooster people¡¦s emotions like their fortunes, swing very high to very low. They can be selfish and too outspoken, but are always interesting and can be extremely brave. They are most compatible with Ox, Snake, and Dragon

Karli: The Year of the Dog:People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people¡¦s confidence because they know how to keep secrets. But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues. Dog people make good leaders. They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit

Karston: The Year of the Horse:People born in the Year of the Horse are popular. They are cheerful, skillful with money, and perceptive, although they sometimes talk too much. The are wise, talented, good with their hands, and sometimes have a weakness for members of the opposite sex. They are impatient and hot-blooded about everything except their daily work. They like entertainment and large crowds. They are very independent and rarely listen to advice. They are most compatible with Tigers, Dogs, and Sheep.

Kiana: The Year of the Monkey:People born in the Year of the Monkey are the erratic geniuses of the cycle. Clever, skillful, and flexible, they are remarkably inventive and original and can solve the most difficult problems with ease. There are few fields in which Monkey people wouldn't be successful but they have a disconcerting habit of being too agreeable. They want to do things now, and if they cannot get started immediately, they become discouraged and sometimes leave their projects. Although good at making decisions, they tend to look down on others. Having common sense, Monkey people have a deep desire for knowledge and have excellent memories. Monkey people are strong willed but their anger cools quickly. They are most compatible with the Dragon and Rat.

Desmond:People born in the Year of the Pig are chivalrous and gallant. Whatever they do, they do with all their strength. For Boar Year people, there is no left or right and there is no retreat. They have tremendous fortitude and great honesty. They don't make many friends but they make them for life, and anyone having a Boar Year friend is fortunate for they are extremely loyal. They don't talk much but have a great thirst for knowledge. They study a great deal and are generally well informed. Boar people are quick tempered, yet they hate arguments and quarreling. They are kind to their loved ones. No matter how bad problems seem to be, Boar people try to work them out, honestly if sometimes impulsively. They are most compatible with Rabbits and Sheep.

We had Poop for dinner....

2009-01-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

Today was a really great day! The kids were with us this weekend so we went to the Dinosaur Museum, out to Chilies for dessert (yummy), then to Costco just because who doesn't love walking around Costco.

After spending the day out and about we came home and relaxed. I started to make dinner. Trying to be thoughtful I made one of the kids favorite dishes. They LOVE Herb Tomato Bisque. I actually enjoy this concoction I have come up with and I was quite pleased with myself and the way my soup was turning out.

My little Desmond wondered into the kitchen and I picked him up and showed him what we would be having for dinner. Desmond has become our very own mocking bird. He will copy everything you say (to the best of his abilities) Well, I told him mmmmm look Desmond yummy soup. True to Desmonds character he repeated exactly what I said back as best he could. mmmmm yummy poop. I started laughing (bad idea) he said it again and smiled his impish grin. I sat him down so I could finish the meal. He wondered back upstairs to where Kiana and Karston were playing.

So about 1 minute after Desmond had gone back upstairs I hear this roar of laughter. Karston comes running down the stairs yelling at the top of his lungs "Desmond likes to eat poop and he thinks its yummy" I explained to Karston the situation how he was trying to say soup not poop. I then asked Karston to bring Desmond and Kiana down for dinner.

On the way down the stairs I hear Karston asking Desmond what we were having for dinner? Desmond would reply with yummy poop. Karston and Kiana would hysterically laugh every time.

We sat down for dinner and I kid you not with every bite Desmond took he would say mmmm yummy poop. I couldn't get him to stop. Karston and Kiana were dieing of laughter. I kept trying to distract Desmond I even started feeding him some apples but, he really wanted yummy poop.

So according to the kids we had yummy poop for dinner. Karston trying to be funny asked me if we could have poop tomorrow for dinner?? Karston gave me his half smile and corrected himself and said just kidding mom you know I love your soup. (nice recover Karston you really do know how to work me.)

Wow what a night. I'm so glad we were at home and not out at a restaurant or eating at someone else's home. I can't imagine what I would have done with my little boy calling the dinner poop.

Then after dinner I was calling Karston to come and help me clean up the dinner table. No one came. I called again and all I hear is little giggles. I walked over to Karston and Kiana where I was informed that they have both changed their names to Ben and Gwen. They will no longer be answering to Karston and Kiana. What?? Okay the night is just getting weirder and weirder. (I'm really glad kids can't legally change thier names other wise I'm positive my name would be Jem)

Ben and Gwen helped clean up and got themselves ready for bed. They laid out their Red outfits for tomorrow (Chinese New Year) then jumped into bed. I kissed them good night and they each said thier prayers. Kiana aka (Gwen) her entire prayer was about the Jazz team. She blessed that they would get to sleep soon that they would beat the woofs (the T-Wolves) and that the Jazz Dancers would only wear sparkly outfits. Wow! After her prayer I asked why she was so concerned about the Jazz? She said because Daddy is playing with them tonight. I laughed (she thought Jeremy played for the Jazz) that actually explains a lot. Whenever Jeremy goes to a Jazz game and we are watching it on TV she is always asking me where he is. I can't believe she thought he was playing. I explained to her that Daddy J was just watching not playing.

Well all in all a interesting and fun day. A trip to the Dino Museum (where Desmond calls all the Dinosaurs Dogs and all of them are named Nubbs), dessert at Chilies (yummy Chocolate Lava Cake, and Raspberry White Chocolate Cake.... to die for good!), then Costco where I had a lot of fun looking at all of the things I wanted to buy but, didn't, POOP for Dinner, my 2 oldest changed their names, and Kiana oh sorry Gwen realized her Daddy was not a NBA superstar. I love days like this don't you.......

The LOVE of your Moms

2009-01-21T19:59:00.000-08:00

Wow.... For long time blog followers you will understand when I say I haven't written anything extremely personal in a really long time. In fact it has been almost a year. But, tonight I need to I just have to express some of my emotions. I also want to state that I know not everyone will agree with my emotions and thoughts. But, this is how I truly feel.

Tonight when the kids got picked up to go to their Dad's house for a couple of hours. Kirstin, (Romney's Wife) picked up the kids (I was holding Desmond. ) As I answered the door Desmond yelled Mom and leaned toward Kirstin. This caught me off guard. I mean I know that the other kids call her mom I don't know why this affected me as much as it did. Kirstin and I talked briefly on the door step and then they left.

When I shut the door my eyes filled with tears. I just couldn't hold it together. I walked into the kitchen turned on some music and continued cooking dinner. My emotions were completely out of control. Why in the world did this bother me so bad??

So I knew I needed to pull myself together. I turned off the music and I really started to think about Kirstin.

Just like Jeremy she had no children coming into her marriage with Romney. She has taken her roll as a mother very seriously. The kids are always bathed, dressed, well fed, and loved when they are with her. I KNOW that she loves each of the kids as her own. This is such a bitter sweet emotion for me.

As some of you know I have had the great opportunity to work with teenage girls who are going through some challenging things in their lives. I have learned a lot from these girls!! One of the most important things I have learned from them is how hard divorce is on a child. They have shown me first hand the hurt that is caused when divorced parents fight, back stab, and take advantage of one another. Because of this knowledge I have been continually seeking out information, trainings, and books that teach how to be a good divorced parent.

I know I have defiantly made some bad choices when it comes to how I have handled my divorce. I let hurt and anger get the better of me at times. I know I hurt Romney and Kirstin in my journey to overcome my emotions. This is something I regret.

But, now we are all moving forward. I can see how we have come together in so many circumstances. How we have each put our pride aside and we have put the kids FIRST. I really hope one day the kids will look back and know how much all 4 of us love them.

I can't tell Kirstin enough how much I appreciate her and all she does for my kids. Every other weekend I put my most precious possessions in her hands. When the kids go with them I miss them (more than life itself) but, I do not worry about them not being loved. I know that they are loved!

Tonight when Kirstin dropped the kids off at the door. I told her how much I loved and appreciated her. Really I do.

How lucky my kids are to have the unconditional love of 2 moms. I hope one day they realize how lucky they are. I know how lucky I am to be a co-parent with Kirstin and not a day goes by that I don't think about how lucky I am.

Girls Night Out

2009-01-21T11:58:00.001-08:00

Last night was so much FUN!! Kiana and I had a girls night out. We started out by going out to Panda Express for dinner (this was Kiki's choice) she wanted noodles with Orange Chicken. It was so cute her fortune cookie said "soon you will travel far and wide" she smiled and asked me if the cookie knew she would be going to Phillie this summer??

Then we went to the Jazz Game. We had so much fun!! Kiana was so into the game. She kept asking questions and cheered so loud! It was so much fun being with her. She stood up and danced and waved her big pink Jazz hand almost every time they made a basket. Kiana also loved watching the Jazz dancers. She LOVED their sparkly outfits.

Kiana was so concerned about her brothers not being there with us. She made sure that we brought them home each a t-shirt. It was so funny, Kiana was so excited about staying up late. She kept telling me whenever the T-Wolves would miss a shot that they must be tired because it is past their bedtime. Oh ya the reason they didn't have cheerleaders or dancers like the Jazz is because they were all at home in bed. Because we all have the same bedtime as Kiana does (at least in her mind)

I had so much fun spending time with my little girl. It was a perfect night!! Food, Fun, and the best company in the entire world my little KiKi.

Chocolate Covered Strawberries...

2009-01-18T04:03:00.000-08:00

Jeremy brought home some Chocolate covered Strawberries the other day and we have now learned that they are Desmond't favorite treat!! This little guy was yelling "STRAWBERRIES PLEASE" at the top of his lungs. It was so funny. Jeremy and I also love chocolate covered strawberries but, we ended up giving ours to Desmond because he is so stinkin cute.

A very entertaining weekend.....

2009-01-18T02:37:00.000-08:00

So this past week as been in a word entertaining.

Jeremy and I have done some fun things this week. Well, fun and weird all at the same time. But, that is why I love being married to Jeremy. He doesn't make me feel awkward at all I can be singing at the top of my lungs dancing around the kitchen with my mop and he will sing right back with me (well, or he will tease me until I stop because I am laughing so hard.)

On Wednesday night we had the opportunity to go out because the kids were with their Dad. We didn't want to spend money, but I really wanted to get out of the house. So Jeremy came up with a plan. I had purchased a DVD back in November that we hadn't opened and in the end we actually didn't want. I still had the receipt for it so Jeremy suggested we take it back and with the money we get back we would divide it evenly between the two of us and we would go and buy something totally frivolous. Something we would never normally buy for ourselves. (It couldn't be to out of control we each had $8.00)

I knew Jeremy was excited because right after we divided the money he headed straight for the toy section. Jeremy and I spent our time in the toy section of Target going back and forth between what we were going to spend our money on. I felt like I was 10 years old but, it was so much fun. Jeremy purchased a handheld Deal or No Deal game and I purchased a really big bouncy ball and a package of gushers (yummy)

So I know we are lame but, we had so much fun. We went home and played with our toys until the kids came home.

Then Thursday night came and we went to the Draft Party with Jeremy's work. Talk about a fun night. We had Macaroni Grill for dinner and while we ate there was all this anticipation of who was going to be first pick. The room was buzzing with anticipation. Then the Draft came and all of Jeremy's hard work payed off. #1 Pick!!!!! I'm still so proud of him!!! So all together a fun night. It was fun watching Jeremy (he was so happy) It was fun watching everyone around me also be so proud of Jeremy. All together a good Night!!!

Now its Friday night and its Romney's weekend so Jeremy and I are kid less. That first night is really hard for the both of us to get used to. Jeremy commented Friday night that he didn't know what to do with himself without the kids around. I agreed. So we sat around and talked for awhile which turned into a few hours (I love how I'm addicted to talking with Jeremy I love it) After that we put on a movie (Pride and Prejudice) we watched it then I leaned over and asked if he was hungry. We hadn't eaten dinner yet. I glanced at the clock and it said 9:30 PM. I then changed my mind. It was way to late to be eating dinner. Jeremy jumps up grabs his coat and said lets go I refused at first but, he made it very clear I was going to be eating dinner whether I wanted to or not. So we went to McDonalds. I have not had a hamburger from McDonalds in years literally. But, I totally bought one and I got fries I was going all out. Then we went into Albertson's and I bought a bag of 3 Musketeers and a thing of ice cream. Jeremy bought himself some strawberry newtons and a package of ice cream snickers. As we were driving home I looked at him and asked why we just did that. Really. We are retarded. Jeremy turned to me and so sweetly said. But, it was fun because I was with you. You know he was right. It was a lot of fun because I was with my best friend just acting silly.
Then on Saturday we woke up early Jeremy went to his Elders Quorum Basketball game. Jeremy asked me to come and watch. I went last week and had fun so I got up and told him I would meet him at the Stake Center. I wanted to run there (trying to work off some of the 6,000 calories I had consumed the night before) So I ran to the Stake Center and watched the Elders Quorum Basketball game. Okay more of the women need to come I was the only one there and it was hilarious!! I couldn't stop laughing. I think my husband is the most aggressive (I have talked to him about this) But, man that was the most entertaining thing to watch. Really my stomach hurt when I left because I had been laughing so much. After the game we went to a all day training at Jeremy's work. I love that I can go and just hang out with Jeremy. I had a blast!! They gave away prizes and money during the training and Jeremy and I won a Vizio Plasma Screen TV. I know this made the day seem a little better. We gave the TV to my sister and brother in law to thank them for helping us out with recruiting for Jeremy's job. It was fun to see their reaction when we gave them the TV. What a great Day!! Jeremy and I came home made dinner and snuggled up on the couch and watched Phantom of the Opera. Jeremy sang most of the time which made the movie very entertaining!! Then I fell asleep and I woke up to find Jeremy had tucked me into bed. What a fun weekend!!! It was very very Entertaining!!

We are going to........

2009-01-16T12:03:00.001-08:00

Can you believe it we are going to Philadelphia! Jeremy was the #1 pick out of the entire company!! I am so super proud of Jeremy!!!

So ready or not Philadelphia here we come!

Where in the World (well the United States)

2009-01-14T03:59:00.001-08:00

Okay I just thought this was a cute picture of Jeremy.

So this week is a really BIG week for Jeremy (actually our entire family.) It is Draft week. This is the week that we find out where we will be living for the summer.

For those of you who don't know. Jeremy is a manager with a company called Five Diamond. Each year he recruits a team of men and women to go out and do summer sales. This job has been really good to Jeremy. When Jeremy was single this job was nice because he didn't have to work during the school year and now that he is married with 3 kids it is nice because he can be home with me and the kids.

Well, how the draft works is each manager recruits as many members of their team as they can during the fall months. Then when January 15th rolls around the manager with the most recruits gets first pick of where they would like to go this summer.

Five Diamond likes to keep things interesting and no one will find out who is first pick until Thursday. I'm super nervous and excited!!! Jeremy has done a lot of hard work recruiting really great families and students to come out with us this summer so I'm hoping we have first pick!!!

Jeremy and I have made our lists of places we would like to go.

So we will see what happens only one more day............

Sleepless Nights??

2009-01-04T04:01:00.000-08:00

Okay so I had a humbling experience the other night. I often joke with Jeremy how crazy of a sleeper he is. He kinda sleeps on a slant and I often feel pushed to one side of the bed. Whenever I tease him he teases me right back and trys to blame the sleeping situation on me. Telling me that if I only knew what I did then I would have no right to tease.

I would always deny these accusations telling him that I KNOW I sleep quietly, in one position all night, I only take up a small portion of our bed.

So the other night Jeremy broke out my camera and took a picture of me sleeping to document and to have proof that I'm not as innocent as I believed I was.

Can you even see me in the picture above?? It took me a few moments to really figure out where I was and how I was sleeping like that. If it wasn't for my foot sticking out I probably wouldn't have been able to find myself. I still don't think I sleep like this every night. But, I can't really tease Jeremy anymore about the way he sleeps because apparently I do the same thing.

The thing is now I feel so urge to catch Jeremy sleeping awkwardly so I can take a picture of him. What a weird battle we have going on. One of these days I will catch him.

But until then I'm going to hide my camera.

Now its time for Karston

2009-01-02T16:21:00.001-08:00

Karst at the progressive dinner. We were at Konnie and Ken's house and Karston was going crazy with the food!

Karston right before his haircut. Doesn't he look excited!!!

That is so much BETTER!!

Karston with one of his best friends. These two boys are connected at the hip.

Whats up with my kids and the mystery rashes. This rash appeared and went away then came back and went away. AHHHHHH

Karston all bundled up looking at Christmas Lights

Playing with Aunt Klarissa and eating Grandma's yummy soup!

Playing outside in the snow with friends

This is Karston playing with his new Power Ranger mask.

Kiana's Turn

2009-01-02T14:02:00.001-08:00

Kiana and Karston had some friends over to build some snowmen. It turned into a battle of the sexes can you tell which one the girls built and which one the boys built?

Kiki playing outside

We were at Grandma's eating meatball soup and playing with Aunt Klarissa.

This was the night we went up to look at some Christmas lights.

Kiana the day we came home from Arizona. She just finished opening her presents from Grandma and I don't think she could have been happier.

Yes, this is the look Kiana gives me when she thinks I have taken to many pictures. At least she is still smiling:)

Pictures of my baby

2009-01-02T12:41:00.001-08:00

Here is Desmond ready to get out of his suit. It was a long day at Church.

I took the kids to "The Chritmas House" Here is Desmond all snug in his car seat.

Here is Dez when we went up to see more Christmas Lights. It was FREEZING but, he was so Happy!!

Here he is sleeping with Jeremy while they watched Lion King

Here are the partners in Crime. They look so cute and innocent looking at the snow together but, I think they were planning there next plot to distroy the kitchen.

This is Dez before his first haircut

This is the finished product. Not to Bad. At least he doesn't have a mullet anymore

Desmond loves his baths. He kept trying to eat the bubbles.

I know picture crazy. I'm just excited to have my USB cord back!!!! So beware I'm posting more.

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-02T12:01:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh I have so many pictures I want to post!! I have my USB Cord back and I'm going picture crazy today!

I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year! Wow 2009!! I can't believe another year has already come and gone. So many things have happened to my family this past year. We have been through a lot together.

I was reading my New Years Day post from last year and it was so interesting for me to reflect on the feelings and emotions I was having at that time. The last paragraph of my entry Jan 1st 2008 stated:
"I feel a new lease on life and I am ready to get started. I have made some great New Years Resolutions that I feel will help me become a better and more independent person. I have chosen 12 things that I need to work on. Each month I will focus on that particular area in my life. I am really excited about this plan I have set up for myself. I really hope that it will strengthen me as a person and in turn will allow me to become a better mom.
I have a once in a lifetime opportunity to really start completely over in so many aspects of my life and really make it what I want it to be.
Its a New Year, a New Life, and yes...... a Brand New Me."

This year I am continuing my new tradition of working on one thing each month and focusing on that goal or attribute for the entire month. Then adding in a new one with each month that follows. I know that by doing this I will become a better wife and mother.

Last year I felt like I had the opportunity to change and to become whatever and whoever I wanted to be. I had the opportunity to start a new life.

I'm glad that I have had the blessing of starting a New life with Jeremy and my 3 sweet kids. I realized this past year I didn't need a new me I just needed to believe in the me I already was.

I am so thankful for this past year and the many many blessing my family has received! I am thankful for the lessons learned through good and bad times. I am thankful for friends and family. I am thankful for my Testimony in Jesus Christ and his everlasting Atonement. I am thankful for this New Year with, New Lessons, and New Challenges.

Happy New Year Everyone!! So much can change in one year so don't EVER let the challenges that face you get you down. Because next year the hard things in your life may become the greatest blessings.

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-24T02:43:00.000-08:00

Alright I'm so sad right now because I want to post some pictures but, I can't. Desmond and Nubbs had some fun destroying my USB cord to my camera the other day so until I purchase a new one I don't have a way of downloading the pictures.

So let me tell you whats been going on with us.....

I was able to give Desmond and Karston a successful haircut the other night. I was really pleased with the outcome of both!!!! I couldn't believe how much hair I cut off of both of them. So Karston no longer looks like a bush and Desmond isn't sporting the mullet anymore.

As a family we took a trip up to see the lights at Temple Square. It was fun and so so so so COLD!!! We chose by far the coldest night to go up to SLC but, we had a blast and the kids loved looking at the lights and going to McDonald's after for dinner.I took the kids and some of Karston's friends up to the "Christmas House" it is a house that plays music and the lights turn on and off to the beat. Its super fun!! The kids LOVED it!! They danced in the car and sang along to the songs!!! This was such a fun night we ended it with ice cream all around.

Okay have you seen the Calvin and Hobbes snowman comic? Well Jeremy thought it was the funniest thing ever. But not just that, he wanted to build some of the snowmen depicted in the comic in our backyard. So yesterday I come home from doing some last minute shopping and what do I find? Jeremy in the backyard constructing the funniest snowman I have ever seen with intricate detail. He had also built the kids a snow fort. I was gone when Jeremy was getting the kids ready to go outside. He was so concerned about them getting cold that he literally got them dressed in their winter clothes then he layered them all with his old t-shirts and hoodies. Karston and Kiana both looked like sumo wrestlers. It was so hilarious!! Jeremy you are AMAZING! Thanks for playing with the kids for however many hours you were outside.

We participated in The Ludwig Family 3rd annual progressive dinner the other night. I love this Holiday Tradition. We started out at my house played a Christmas game then ate the food I had prepared. Then we went to my sisters house and did the same, then to my other sisters house and ate more food and played another game, then we ended at my parents house with more food and a white elephant. I really love hanging out with family and having such a fun and laid back time. I'm so blessed to have such a great family!!!

Alright the last story for the night and this one is the most traumatizing. So last night I was at Wal-Mart doing some last minute shopping. Before I left I grabbed Jeremy's check book and his ID so just in case they asked for ID I would be prepared. Okay to make a long story short (and believe me it is long I think I was shopping at Wal-Mart for 3 hours) I finally got up to the check out and rang everything through then I was about to pay. I gave the cashier the check and she asked for ID. I was relieved that I came prepared. Then she looked down at the ID then back at me. I knew she was wondering why I handed her a mans ID. I told her the man was my husband. She asked me if I had any ID that stated that I had the same last name as my husband. I smiled and told her that I had just recently got married so all of my IDs have my maiden name on them. I offered her my Drivers License to show her. She looked at me and quickly picked up the phone to call a manager. So you guessed it they thought I had stolen Jeremy's wallet. I didn't make things better when I offered to pay for my groceries with cash apparently they thought that the money was stolen also. So after a long night at Wal-Mart I was able to return home (I didn't end up buying anything because I was way to upset) and no charges were pressed (thanks Jeremy) So moral of the story don't use your husbands ID as your own and make sure to change your name on all your ID right after you get married or in the least hyphenate your last name to avoid any confusion.

So that is the run down of what is going on and what has happened here. I hope you all of the best Christmas EVER!!

Lessons from Kung Fu Panda

2008-12-17T19:36:00.000-08:00

Oogway: "One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

Alright I have obviously watched this movie way to many times because I am coming up with all these life lessons and ways I can apply them in my life.

The quote above was said by Master Oogway (the turtle) to Master Shifu when he reacts to the news of a vision that Tai Lung is going to return and try to steal the Dragon Scroll. Because of the road Master Shifu took to avoid Tai Lung escaping from prison he actually provided the means for Tai Lung's escape and helped fulfil the prophesy.

So after watching the movie a think for the 15th time (and not necessarily with my kids Jeremy LOVES this movie) I started to think about my own life and the choices I am making daily that could potentially lead me down the road I am trying so desperately to avoid.

What can I do?? Literally I sat down and started thinking about this thought and how it applies in my life. I actually ended up calling Jeremy at work so I could explain to him my thoughts on the Kung Fu Panda way of life. I know he totally had to think I was crazy but, I think that might be what he likes about me.

In the story of Kung Fu Panda Master Shifu reacted to a situation (the vision that Tai Lung would return) he reacted the same way I would have. He reacted to his fear. He reacted with his emotions.

I know in my life I often react unwisely to situations dealing with heightened emotions or Fear. I just don't think straight when emotions are so close to the surface. I often react rash and quick not always thinking completely through the situation and all of its consequences.

So what would be the solution?? The answer was so simple but, so very complex. I need to take Fear out of my life. What do I Fear? How can I do this?? I started listing the things that I feared in life. Most of the things I feared had a echoing theme, Inadequacy. Just not being a good enough mom, wife, daughter, friend. Not being able to please everyone and do everything.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. There is only one solution and it would fix everything!!! I needed to rely completly and totally on my Heavenly Father and his plan for me. If I was to do that I would have no reason to Fear because I would know the path I was on was leading me toward the Destiny my Heavenly Father had in store for me and that is one of Eternal life and Everlasting Happiness. I would no longer feel Inadequite because I would view myself the way my Father in Heaven does.

So as I explained this to Jeremy we came up with a list of things I need to do each day to make sure I am on the path my Father in Heaven wants me to be on and not the one I am trying to avoid.

Here is the list......

Pray (couple, family, personal, and meal prayers) Wow how could I even have a second to fear if I was continually offering a prayer up to my Heavenly Father?, Read Scriptures daily, Get ready for the day (I know this one seems random but, it has helped me out a ton. Getting ready and making yourself feel confident is a pricless tool in the fight against Fear.), Go to the Temple (I love this one), BE HAPPY (no matter the situation), and SERVE, SERVE, SERVE.....

Alright with my list in hand I am ready to take on the world. I'm ready to do my best to not fear and to always take a step back (in those instances that I do fear because I know I will at times ) I will do my best to always involve my Heavenly Father in my choices so that I know I am on the path he would have me be on.

So I am thankful for Kung Fu Panda and the thought provoking themes it has brought to my mind. (wow, you all must think I'm crazy after this one. But, really this is how my mind works.

Letting Jeremy Take the Lead

2008-12-14T03:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, life is so WONDERFUL right now!!! Jeremy is compassionate, sensitive, PATIENT and EXACTLY what I need.

Jeremy is doing such a great job! In fact he is begging me each day to let him do more. But, for some reason I have a really hard time letting go of some of the responsibility. Ahhhh, its not that I think that Jeremy wouldn't do a good job. In fact in most circumstances he would do a better job. I just, I don't know.

I see it all the time as women we tend to try to take on not only our responsibilities but, everyone else also. We want to take care of our children and be the BEST moms we can possibly be, We want to love our husbands and be there to help them, we want to be the worlds best housekeeper, Cooks, and have extra talents and abilities to help enrich the lives of those around us. Then in addition to those things some of us feel like we need to help financially support our families and well do everything.

I tend to feel guilty if I'm not working at something (cleaning, service, cooking). I have a hard time sitting still. Even in middle of the night I wake up and I can think of things that need to be done.

A lot of the time I don't give the people around me the opportunity to fulfill their own responsibilities because I finish it before they can even get started and I don't ever want to make anyone do anything they don't want to do (even if it is their responsibility)

Jeremy has done a really good job of showing me that he wants to be involved and that its not my job or his job but, our job. This has been a really eye opening lesson for me. It seems so simple but, so important to not only understand but, to implement in our lives.

Jeremy has been such a great help to me in also helping me allow our kids to do more on their own. I want them to grow up strong and able to face any challenge ahead of them head on. I don't want the storms of life to ever get them down. I know with Jeremy's help he is showing me how to allow our kids to become stronger and still allowing me to show them the love I so desperately want them to feel.

Alright I know what I need to do. I need to put my full trust in Jeremy and know if he asks me to sit down and rest for a minute I should take him up on it. I need to allow Jeremy to be the full provider for the family he begs me for this opportunity and I need to stop being pride full and allow him this opportunity.

I know this all seems really simple but, for some reason it is difficult for me. So this week I really am going to put my whole heart into this and I'm going to step back and Jeremy will take the lead.

Together Again

2008-12-13T03:26:00.000-08:00

Has anyone seen Muppets Take Manhattan?? Well at the end of the movie all the Muppets sing the song "Together Again" after Kermet returns (because he got hit by a car and had amnesia)

Okay I know that was random but, whenever I think about Kohl (my brother) being home now from his mission that song pops into my head. (in fact I am singing it right now)

Kohl returned home from his full time mission the day after Thanksgiving. Man, was it good to see him.

He is still the same old sweet Kohl. Desmond went right to him and snuggled up against him (which surprised us all because he can be a little shy and only want Jeremy or I), Karston and Kiana ran up gave him a hug and then it was like he had never been gone. Karston was asking Kohl to play a game and Kiana wanted him to put her on his shoulders.

We are all so proud of Kohl!! I am so proud of the service that he provided while up in Canada. I am grateful for the strong testimony he has brought back with him and the example he is not only to me but, my entire family.

So everyone sing with me.....

Kermit:Do, do, do, do, dada da, doo da do dodo (etc.)

Together again Gee, it's good to be together again I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!It's not starting over,it's just going on!

Miss Piggy:Together again Now we're here and there's no need remembering when.

Fozzie:Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!

All three:Together again!

All:Together again Gee, it's good to be together again I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!It's not starting over,it's just going on!

Dr. Teeth & Floyd:Together again Now we're here and there's no need remembering when

All:Cause no feeling feels like that feeling! Together-a!Together-a!Together-a!Together again....!Together again!!

4 going on 16

2008-12-11T18:00:00.000-08:00

Some of Kiana's friends laughing about some knock knock joke. They thought it was hillarious

They boys that dared come and hang out with the "Cheetah Girls"

All together just hanging out watching a movie. I would love to see this exact picture in 10 years.

Acting out the Nativity

Decorating thier Ginger Bread House. There was a boy side and a girl side.

And of course the "Cheetah Girls"

So the other day Kiana had a group of her friends come over to play. The girls call themselves the Cheetah Girls. Along with the "Cheetah Girls" Kiana had invited a couple of boys to also come over and join the fun.

They played house for a little while then came down stairs and helped me put together some Ginger Bread houses. They played with a Nativity Set acting out the parts (it was so cute), then we popped pop corn and watched Frosty the Snowman.

As the kids were sitting on the couch I couldn't help put laugh at the way they talked with one another. I felt like I was in a room with a bunch of teenagers (except for the conversation about Transformers are better then Baby Dolls.)

I am so thankful for this time when my kids have such great friends and they still want to hang out with me. I don't want to take this time for granted because I know it is fleeting and won't last very much longer.

I just hope and pray that my little Kiana will stay little for a very long time!! But, if she had her way she would be 4 going on 16.

Fun Fun Fun

2008-12-11T17:58:00.000-08:00

Jeremy and I have been trying to create some fun memories with the kids this Holiday Season and we have been trying to do so with simple activities in our home. For example having a Christmas snack before bed time together as a family, Pixies, every Friday that we are together we watch a fun Christmas movie, decorating the house (this has been a ongoing project), Ginger Bread Houses, etc.....

A couple of nights ago I was sitting back watching the kids decorate and play with their Nativity set with Jeremy. My heart was so full of gratitude. I have 3 healthy kids, a husband who is nothing short of AMAZING, and a love in my home that is overwhelming.

I am so Thankful for the sweet memories we have the opportunity to create with our family members. Especially during this wonderful time of year. I hope that I can take full advantage of this opportunity and create as many lasting memories as I can with my little family.

This is Karston pretending to be a fish after helping decorate the Christmas Tree

Desmond kept doing this with all the ornaments. He was trying to see himself in it. In this picture you can also tell that Desmond is really in need of a haircut but, I am so afraid! His hair is long but, still really fine and I know he will wiggle around and I am terrified of the outcome of his first haircut.

Okay I know DISGUSTING right! I can't get Desmond to stop letting the dog like the inside of his mouth. These two little guys are connected at the hip. Desmond yells for Nubbs (the dog) first thing every morning and for the rest of the day the two of them do their very best to destroy the house together. It is cute that Desmond loves Nubbs so much but, man the two of them together is a wicked combination (at least in terms of keeping my house clean) and its sad the other day Desmond had gone into Karston's room and pulled out all of his shirts and Nubbs had taken each shirt Desmond threw out and pulled them under the bed. When I walked in on them it looked like they had talked and organized some kind of master plan. They were working so fast and efficient. Ahhhh I wanted to scream and laugh all at the same time.

I just love my little guys. In this picture Kiana was singing a song about her pet snowball and making her brothers laugh. I just can't help but, sit back and wish we will always be this close and my kids will learn to rely on those who really love them most FAMILY!!!!

I had a Request

2008-12-08T12:01:00.001-08:00

So I have had a couple of my friends ask me to post my menu plans I try to make a menu twice a month for my family. That way I avoid going to the grocery store more then what I absolutely have to.

So here it goes for the next two weeks my family will be eating.....

(If you want any of the recipes just let me know.)

Monday December 8th:

Breakfast: ButtermilkPancakes (The Betty Crocker Recipe is the BEST)

Lunch: Potato Soup, Crackers, and a apple

Dinner: Honey Sesame Pork Chops with rice

Dessert: Sugar Cookies (family night activity)

Tuesday December 9th:

Breakfast: Buttermilk Waffles (again Betty Crocker Recipe)

Lunch: Potato Soup, Crackers, and a apple

Dinner: Pizza Bread (this is what I am taking to the Dine and Dash for my neighborhood)

Dessert: Cheesecake for a crowd (also what I am taking to the Dine and Dash)

Wednesday December 10th

Breakfast: Cereal

Lunch: PB&J, Fish crackers, and Mandarin oranges

Dinner: Greek Pork Pita Sandwiches (Costco Cook Book)

Dessert: Ginger Bread (that is my activity for the day with the kids making ginger bread houses)

Thursday December 11th:

Breakfast: Cottage Cheese and Pineapple

Lunch: Bologna Sandwiches, Fish Crackers, and apple sauce

Dinner: I don't have to cook kids are gone with Romney and Jeremy is going to a Jazz Game!!:)

Dessert: Hot Chocolate (yes, just for me)

Friday December 12th:

Breakfast: Yogurt with fruit

Lunch: PB&J, Fish Crackers, and Mandarin Oranges

Dinner: Tri Color Farfalle Chicken Caesar Salad (The Costco Way Cook Book)

Dessert: Popcorn

Saturday December 13th:

Breakfast: Cereal

Lunch: Soup, Crackers, and apple

Dinner: Montreal Peppered Steak and Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Dessert: Ice Cream

Sunday December 14th:

Breakfast: Blueberry Muffins (Jeremy's Specialty)

Lunch: Toasted Cheese Sandwiches

Dinner: Baked Ziti (Taste of Homes)

Monday December 15th:

Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs

Lunch: Quesadilla, and Mandarin Oranges

Dinner: Chicken Bundles (Taste of Homes)

Dessert: Vanilla Pudding Snowman

Tuesday December 16th:

Breakfast: Cereal

Lunch: PB&J , Pretzels, and apple

Dinner: Chili Bread with Tomato Basil Soup (My own Secret Recipe)

Dessert: Hot Apple Cider

Wednesday December 17th:

Breakfast: Yogurt with fruit

Lunch: PB&J, crackers, and apple sauce or maybe leftover soup

Dinner: Sausage Mushroom Quiche (kids with Romney) (Taste of Homes)

Dessert: Jeremy and I don't need anymore sweets

Thursday December 18th:

Breakfast: English Muffin and Egg Sandwiches

Lunch: Soup, crackers, and pears

Dinner: Chicken Enchiladas (My moms Recipe)

Dessert: Popcorn with a Christmas movie

Friday December 19th:

Breakfast Cereal

Lunch: Soup, Crackers, and apple

Dinner: Swiss Chicken (old ward cookbook)

Dessert: Homemade Caramels

Saturday December 20th:

Breakfast: Breakfast Casserole (Ward Party)

Lunch: left overs (yes I love meals like this)

Dinner: Chili Dogs (Karston's choice no need for recipe)

Dessert: Hot Chocolate

I really do enjoy cooking for my family and doing something special everyday to show them I care.

I know I picked up on this trait from my mom who is in my humble opinion the BEST cook in the the entire world. Each and everyday we would sit down to made from scratch home cooked meals that would knock your socks off.

Now being a mom I look back and admire so much more the effort my mom put into each meal. Always coming up with something new, always staying within a budget, and putting her time and love into each and every meal she prepared for me and my Brothers and Sisters.

I hope to show my family that same love and appreciation. Its just going to take me awhile to catch up to my mom's mad skills in the kitchen.

WEDDING PICTURES

2008-12-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

Okay I know I have been so bad and I haven't posted any wedding pictures. So if you would like to check out all of my wedding pictures go to dezemberphotostore.com and click on the link that says Jeremy and Karli

Oh ya the password is ludwig

Let me know what you think and what one is your favorite!!!