Pixies, Santa, bullies, and boyfriends......

Well the day after Thanksgiving the Pixies come and visit our home. They will randomly inspect your bedroom and make sure it is clean. They might listen in and make sure you are being nice to your brothers and sisters. If you pass the test they will leave you a small gift or treat under your pillow. Then they fly back to the North Pole and report to Santa.

The kids really get into pixies. They are fantastic at keeping their bedrooms clean and if a fight starts I can almost guarantee someone yelling out "If you don't stop the pixies won't come!" The other night the pixies didn't come and apparently it was my fault because as I was leaving the kids bedroom I knocked Karston's backpack on the floor. They now tell me each night as I leave to watch what I am doing.

Last Sunday we wrote our letters to Santa then threw them into the fire. Karston told us all that we have to throw our letters to Santa in the fire then they turn into smoke and float to the North Pole where Santa magically puts them back together. He said its faster then the mail. In my mind all I was thinking is he must have just watched Mary Poppins. But, when I asked him about it he said he has never seen Mary Poppins. Oh well, I thought it was a fun and cute idea. Maybe we will make it a tradition.

So the other day Karston comes home and he has lost a tooth. He told me he got punched in the face and his tooth came out. I was kinda taken back because I never received a phone call, or a note explaining what happened. I asked Karston what had happened. He explained to me that there is this boy (who will remain nameless) who is mean. Him and his friends run away from him. Well, on that particular day this boy was teasing 2 of Karston's friends. Karston stepped in and began to tease this boy back (I talked to Karston about this) I guess the boy who was teasing Karston's friends got frustrated and punched Karston in the face knocking out his tooth! They were all sent to the principals office where they had a lecture on being friends. I talked to Karston about teasing (this is weird because Karston is so shy I really can't imagine him doing this but, maybe he saves it all for school) the next day all the boys involved were not allowed to go out to recess. Hopefully a good lesson learned.

Oh you have to see the note Karston wrote the tooth fairy. It simply said. I lost my tooth at school I can't find it. Please leave money with a $10.00 bill drawn (ya in his dreams)

To keep life exciting Kiana comes home letting me know not one but, two boys have confessed their love for her. She asked what she should do since she is still engaged to Ammon (wow she is devoted) I laughed and told her to tell them she can't have a boyfriend until she is 25 and that they need to wait until then. She rolled her eyes at me when I said this, and walked into the other room. I am so looking forward to the teenage years. I'm going to have to tie that cute little girl up and keep her safe in the house.

Bethankful ALWAYS!...No matter what right!!

Wow I really haven't blogged in a long time. So much has happened and I feel a little overwhelmed with the thought of trying to catch up. So here it goes.......................

For those long time blog followers you would think nothing would be off limits for me to write about. I have blogged about the deepest emotions and the most tender of times. This blog is one I have wanted to write about but, have put off because of its personal nature.

This past summer has been one of trial and of many lessons learned. I have truly come to the realization that through each experience we go through there are lessons to be learned.

Among the many lessons learned there are a few that stand out to me that I would like to share with each of you.

First lesson is, there is a purpose in everything. This summer we sold my home in "my neighborhood" this was a huge challenge for me to overcome. I loved my neighbors, friends, and ward. I felt safe and at home in my house. It had become my sanctuary. I knew we needed to sell the house. But, I prayed that it wouldn't sell because I didn't want to leave. In June when the house sold Jeremy and I faced some HUGE financial difficulties. Because of these difficulties I ended up moving in with Jeremy's parents. I was so overwhelmed with everything. I was pregnant, feeling depressed about leaving my house and friends, facing some financial difficulties, my husband was thousands of miles away, and I was taking my 3 kids and moving in with my in-laws. What purpose was in this?? I tried to stay positive but, it was difficult at times. I truly could not see any light at the end of my tunnel.

I really felt like things were getting worse instead of better. As most of you know later that summer I was in a car accident and a few weeks later had Kendrick 5 weeks early. After having Kendrick I kinda went into a depression of sorts. Kendrick wasn't sleeping well at night and it was really hard to even want to get ready each day. I just wasn't feeling well.

So weeks went on and Jeremy still was without a job. I was still without any sleep and the stress between the two of us was reaching a all time high.

I really wondered what would happen next.

The next week Jeremy started at a fantastic new job. The job paid well, and has amazing benefits that started day one. I felt like things were starting to look up. I really tried to be happy and positive. But, I was really fighting some emotions in my head. I just felt so yucky!!

Well, I went into my Dr. for my 6 week apt. I told him (as hard as it was) how I was feeling and some of my symptoms. He told me I was experiencing postpartum depression. He told me like most women lack of sleep and stress can heighten this along with hormones being totally out of whack! He prescribed me a small dose of Zoloft and said this should help me get through each day and what ever life throws at me. I was very hesitant in taking this medication because, I don't like meds for one thing and it just made me feel so weak like I couldn't handle life the way i was supposed too. I felt so disappointed in myself

I went home from this appointment and did not go to fill my prescription (just out of pure pride.) I was determined to handle this myself.

About a week later I got a call from my Doctors office. Some of the results of some tests they ran at my 6 week apt. came back and they would like to do further testing. They let me know what we were looking at and all the possibilities. I was a little freaked out. I actually went into my bathroom and just cried. What was going on?

I went into the Dr. the following week to run more tests. It was a emotional Dr apt. I admitted that I hadn't started the anti-depression anti-anxiety medication. The Dr. began to explain that it wasn't a weakness and that my life would benefit from this small help. The Dr also explained what he felt like I had. This was all just professional opinion. We wanted to wait for the medical tests came back to make any final diagnosis.

Waiting for the results was scary but, weird enough starting this medication was scarier. I was so worried. I started the meds and amazingly enough they totally worked!!! I felt so much better. I felt like my old self again. It was fantastic!!!

A couple more days past and I went in to receive my medical diagnosis. It was what the Dr thought. I was so scared but, after talking with the Dr I knew this would not stop me or get me down. We caught everything early enough that we could stop it before it got any worse.

So after a couple treatments everything looks GREAT for the time being. I will go back in around March and make sure everything is normal. If everything is normal then I can spread it out even further!!

When all of this happened I was able to look back and realize how I was blessed. My house selling was a blessing because I was unable to afford to make the payments, getting in a car accident was a blessing because it saved my Kendrick's little life, living with my in-laws has been a blessing because we have been able to keep up with bills and they have been here to help out all of the time!, not having a car has been good because I get exercise walking everywhere and I can't go anywhere during the day so I save a lot of money!, going to the Dr and admitting that I needed help coping with each day has been a huge blessing because I now have some tools that will help balance what I can't, Jeremy quitting his job and being job less for a time then finding a new job with amazing benefits was a blessing because we now really need those benefits, having to deal with life and its changes, trials, and difficulties has been a blessing because I know it will make me stronger!

I am thankful each and everyday for the life I have and the lessons I learn. Each experience we go through is for our good!

This week we are moving out of my in-laws and into a house. I'm excited because its across the street from the church, just a few blocks from the school, just a few blocks from the pediatricians office, and just under a mile to the grocery store. I can walk everywhere.

Life always has its ups and downs. It truly is hard to see the ups when we feel so far down. I want all of you to know that I know that we can make it through anything. If you are feeling down know you are not alone. Don't ever feel ashamed to share your experiences. I can guarantee someone around you has felt the same way you have before and together we will all make it through this crazy journey we call life.

I'm still here.....

Karston at his soccer game

Kiana watching Karston's soccer game upside down??

Desnond eating his peanut butter sandwich don't ask me how he makes such a mess

Kendrick asleep on Dad

Desmond writing Uncle Ky a letter

Kiana winking

UEA at the Monte Bean Museum

Fries at Burger Supreme during UEA

.25 CENT ice cream cones during UEA

science experiment with pop rocks during UEA

Kendrick getting bigger

Google eyes from Grandma Fetherston

Spider Cookies

Spaghetti with eyeball meat balls

Kiana ready for school the day before halloween

Desmond wanted to dress up too the day before Halloween

He loves these glasses

Karston at school the day before Halloween

The kids pumpkins. Can you guess whos is whos

Kiana as a sasssy vampire

Karst as Wolverine

Elmo Des

Ready to go out trick or treating with Romney and Kirstin

Kendrick on Halloween (he just wanted to sleep)

He has doubled plus his birth weight!! Good job

My little baby

Kiana Singing her Favorite Song

This is Kiana singing her new favorite song. It amazes me that she seems to pick up on songs so quickly.

I love listening to her sing!

Kira I hope you love this I know how much you enjoy children singing!!!!

Kendrick's First Photo Shoot

On Tuesday Kendrick had his first professional photo shoot.  My friend Maria took these fantastic pictures!  It is always fun (for me at least) to get pictures of my kids taken!  I love pictures and the memories that come along with them.

Maria is a very talented photographer! Please check out her blog photosbymaria.blogspot.com 

I was so touched by Maria when she told me all the money she makes from photography goes toward her in vitro.  Maria and her husband have been blessed with a beautiful little girl but, would like to add to their sweet family.  They have attempted in vitro before numerous times. These attempts have left them drained emotionally, physically, and monetarily. I was inspired by her drive to keep trying and her faith that things all have a purpose and the Lord will bless them in his time.

So many of my friends have had a difficult time conceiving.  They have tried time after time.  They have invested money, time, and emotion.  I wish with all my heart that anyone who is trying and going through the trial of not being able to get pregnant will soon receive a answer to I'm sure their endless prayers.  Tonight my hope goes out to Maria and Megan I would do anything for each of you to get your little miracle. 

I'm so blessed that I have 4 sweet kids.  They are my everything and I would do anything for them.

As I look at these pictures I truly realize the importance of family and how truly blessed I am!

First Day of School

The past couple weeks have been filled with adventure.  Baby Kendrick being born, my car was totaled in the car accident, and last but, not the least Kiana and Karston both started school.  They both were excited and EXTREMELY nervous!  I know it was really hard on both of them starting school in a new place where they didn't know anyone.  

Karston started school on the 2oth of this month.  He is now in full day so he gets to eat lunch at school.  He has made a couple of friends one of which he told me doesn't speak english but, thats okay he says because he is teaching him how to speak english at lunch.  I don't know what to think of this but, I'm glad he has some friends and is feeling like he is helping someone out.  He has already received home 2 notes telling me of his academic advancement and reading abilities.  I know these notes really encourage Karston's self esteem and I appreciate the teacher going that extra mile to write a quick note.

Kiana started Kindergarten this year!  CRAZY!!!! She was really excited until the night before when she started crying because she missed (Bailey, Kathren, Ammon, Abby, and Issac) It was a rough night.  She was so afraid that the kids were going to be mean to her.  When I brought her to school that next morning she was hesitant and held on to me (which is not like Kiana) I watched her as she would eye the other students.  A large group of Kindergartners came into the class together (you could tell they were all from the same neighborhood) Kiana looked up at me and said "see mom, they all have friends and I don't" I wanted to cry but, didn't want to make things worse.  So I walked with her to a table and started doing a puzzle with her.  Slowly other kids started to fill her table.  By chance all the kids that sat at her table were boys.  I asked her if she was okay or if she wanted to move.  She said she was fine.  The teacher then asked all the parents to leave and informed us where to pick up the kids after school.  I was so worried about her all day long.  Jeremy picked up the kids that afternoon from school.  He went and got them each a slurpee for a after school snack.  When Kiana arrived home she was so happy and full of excitement about all that had happened at school that day.  That really did me some good knowing she had a great time her first day of school. 

I really hope the year gets better and better for my kiddos they really need it!  

My Little Kendrick Alan VerHoef is here!.......

This is a long post so just beware!.... I know I tend to ramble but, this is my journal and I really want to remember these few special days.

So my little man decided to enter this world with a bang. He wanted to make sure he made a entrance that would get him some attention.  Well, he defiantly did that plus some.

Well, here is what happened..........

It all started Wednesday night.  I have crazy dreams while I'm pregnant but, I don't ever dream of my baby or anything of that nature.  Well, Wednesday night all I dreamt about all night long was the baby.  Every dream was the same and it was very vivid.  When I awoke in the morning I was very hesitant in telling Jeremy or anyone for that matter what my dream was about.  

Throughout the morning all I could think about was my dream.  I finally broke down and told Jeremy that I had a dream that night and I felt like something was wrong with the baby.  I quickly changed the subject about how crazy dreams are when your pregnant and I need to not worry.

So I did my best to put my crazy thoughts in the back of my head.  All day Thursday I felt like CRAP!!  I got upset at Jeremy for the craziest things (like making Desmond a toasted cheese sandwich), it was Karston's first day of school so I was crying thinking of him feeling alone or left out.  I was so worried that he wouldn't like school lunch and that he would be starving all day long.  It was a long long day.  That night after dinner I got the kids ready all ready for bed then fell asleep myself.  I wasn't feeling well so all I wanted to do was lay down.  

That night I felt like I needed to use the bathroom continually.  It was driving me insane. I felt like I was constantly peeing in my pants.  The thought that my water had broken crossed my mind a few times but, I didn't want to go to the hospital again I had been there so many times.  I just knew I would go in and the nurse would tell me I had just peed in my pants.  I was so emotional I didn't want to be embarrassed on top of it.

Friday morning Kiana came into my bedroom when she had woken up and asked for some help getting dressed.  I got out of bed and gush.  I totally peed my pants I thought.  I couldn't believe this.  The baby must be right on top of my bladder I thought to myself.  I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes.

After changing I got the kids ready for school.  Packed Karston a sack lunch (so I wouldn't be worried if he liked the school cafeteria food) and was about to walk Karston to school when I felt another gush.  Ahhhhh..... What is going on?  I thought to myself.  I have never peed my pants before why am I now?  I changed my pants another time and was about to walk Karston to school when my Father in Law offered to walk him in my place.  I took him up on the offer.  Because I didn't want to pee my pants while walking Karston to school talk about embarrassing your kids.  Well, at this point the thought that maybe my water had broken kept creeping back into my mind.  My water had never broken on its own before so I figured it just never would.  I didn't want to tell Jeremy because I knew he would want to take me to the hospital.  So I secretly called my Dr. and asked what I should do.  He said go to the Hospital.  Not the answer I was looking for.  So I broke down and told Jeremy.  His reaction go to the Hospital.  Again not what I wanted to hear.  Then I called my mom.  She told me to relax, shower, get a few things done and if it kept happening then go to the hospital.  Well, I took a shower and in the shower my dream from the past night crept back into my mind.  I knew at that moment I needed to go to the Hospital.

Jeremy and Desmond took me to the Hospital.  On the way in I made Jeremy promise not to make fun of me if I had just peed my pants.  He promised and we went into the Hospital.  The nurse came in and checked me.  Jeremy and Desmond were out in the hall.  She looked at me and said "your having a baby today!"  I was overwhelmed knowing this little guy would be 5 weeks early.  

Jeremy took Desmond to my parents house and called his parents and asked them to watch Karston and Kiki.  Everyone was so willing to help.  While Jer was gone they started my IV with antibiotics and Pitosin.  They didn't know if I was strep B positive so they wanted to run the antibiotics just in case.  The nurse said I had to wait until at least 4 o'clock to have the baby so that the antibiotics had the chance to enter mine and the babies system.

Well, the Labor was really normal.  It was just like my others.  After a couple hours I had the epidural and I was progressing at a steady pace.  At 3:30 pm they rushed through the 2nd dose of antibiotics. They put it in so fast that my veins were burning. After doing this the nurse checked me and I was fully dilated and the baby was coming whether I pushed or not.  The Dr ran into the room wearing a baseball hat and a quicksilver shirt.  He threw on the hospital gown thing to cover up his clothes asked me to push once and it was done.  My baby was here!  The doctor cut the cord and gave the baby immediately to Jon the RT.  I was trying to see what was going on with the baby while the OB was trying to finish up with me.  I could tell something was wrong.  I asked how much he weighed 5 lb 6.5 oz and 18 inches long.

Jon the RT looked over at me and started explaining a few things about the babies condition.  They quickly wrapped the baby up brought him over to me.  Laid him on my stomach for just a second.  I was so confused on what was going on.  I could tell Jeremy didn't understand either.

They took the baby out of the room and the medical staff finished up with me and left the room.  I was overwhelmed! I didn't really know what was going on.  The nurse said she would be back in a little when my epidural wore off to get me up and to remove my IV and epidural.  Well, she left my sister Kira and her husband Paul came by.  Then Jeremy's parents came over with Karston and Kiana.  I did my best to keep face and to be happy and excited.  But, inside I was just a mess.  I wanted to get out of that bed and see my baby.  I told Jeremy to go with the baby and to stay with him.  I feel so bad because I know Jeremy was worried about me and the baby and felt torn on who to be with.

Due to the situation none of the visitors stayed very long.  Jeremy came down to check on me and I asked him to hold my hand because I was going to get up.  Get dressed and go see our little baby whether the nurses liked it or not.  My epidural hadn't completely worn off yet so I was very unstable but, I made it to the bathroom and was feeling very determined.  While I was in the bathroom a nurse (who is a friend of my Dad's and was also the charge nurse) came in to check on me.  She noticed I was out of bed and asked Jeremy where I was.  Jeremy explained to her my stubborn attitude about being in bed and that I was going to get myself ready whether I was supposed to or not.  She ran into the bathroom and called a bunch of other nurses to start cleaning up my room.  To remove my IV and epidural tubing.  I was thankful for her compassion in knowing I needed to be with my baby.  So after everything.  I was dressed in my own clothes and down at the nursery 45 minutes after giving birth.  

(At this point the babies name was Jace.  That was the name Jeremy and I had both decided on earlier.)

While down in the nursery the RT and nurses were explaining to me the situation.  Our little baby had some infections and his lungs were not working properly.  I asked how he would have gotten a infection.  They explained it could be any number of things but, because my water had broken the night before he may have received a infection during that time period or it might be the strep B not having all the antibiotics.  I started to cry.  I couldn't hold back the tears this was all my fault.  If I just would have come in earlier.  None of this would have happened in my mind.  

That night they ran test after test.  All results did not look good for my little one.  They kept telling me different things they did X-Rays the X-Rays showed pneumonia and more infection.  They told me at that point they were going to be transferring him to a different Hospital. That was really hard for me because I knew I wouldn't be able to go with him.  It was emotional my Dad was there now working with the other RT and communicating with the pediatricians and neonatal Dr, I was thankful for my dad because he would fill me in on all the details I also knew my baby was receiving the very best care possible.  

That night was long!  They performed a procedure to help his lungs (cerfacton) and put him on the cpap machine.  That night I was not going to leave the nursery! Around 1 am they told us they would not be transferring him tonight. My Dad told us he was going home and that we should take comfort in that because he wouldn't leave unless he thought our baby was stable.  Jon the other RT pent the entire night there in the hospital just in case anything happened.  That night Jeremy and I were discussing his name we both started to feel like Jace was not the right name for our little guy.  I threw out the name Kendrick we discussed things for a little then decided that was the right name.  Then we moved onto a middle name.  We toyed around with a few different ideas but, decided on Alan.  Alan is my Dad's middle name.  It just felt right to pass on that name to our little guy who helped out so much!

That night was long.  Monitors going off every few minutes.  Watching the SATS monitor could potentially drive a person mad I have decided.  Around 6 am I got kicked out of the nursery for shift change (they wanted to talk about me without me being there) They told me I could go back in around 7 am. 

I went back to my room where I found Jeremy attempting to sleep on the pull out couch provided.  I woke him up and told him all the goings on of the night.  He told me to lay down and rest for the hour.  I set my alarm clock on my phone so I would wake up right when I could be down there.  Apparently I slept through my alarm and Jeremy didn't want to wake me knowing I had been up all night.  He went down to the nursery.  While Jeremy was down at the nursery some new results came in from some blood work they had drawn around 5 am.  They results were looking better!  They then told Jeremy he could hold the baby.  I wish I could have seen it but, apparently he just cried and cried.  He was so happy to hold him.  After Jeremy was done holding him.  He came down and woke me up and told me they would let me hold the baby.  I shot up out of bed and anyone who has had a baby before knows after you have been in one position for a little while it can be hard to get up.  I about fell over but, I was so excited to hold little Kendrick.  I walked down to the nursery as fast as I could and held little Kendrick almost all day.  I never left the nursery unless I needed to use the restroom or say hello to family.  I just felt like I couldn't leave him.  Later on that night the nurses kinda forced me out.  My in-laws brought me some dinner and I knew I needed to eat.  That night I was in and out of the nursery doing my best to sleep for a hour and stay down in the nursery for a few.  It was crazy.  

During that night they asked me to try and nurse Kendrick.  They were worried about his ability to eat.  We tried it out and failed miserably the first time.  About 3 hours later we tried again and he did it!!  He did a really great job! I was so happy!

The next morning the pediatrician came in and looked over the test results of that morning.  He sat down with me and started talking about what was going on with Kendrick.  I asked again how he thought he got the infections.

The Dr. said to me he thought the infections were not from my water breaking but, were something he had while in the womb  (a blood infection) and that the reason my water broke was because he was sick.  He then began to tell me how blessed I was to have been in my car accident a few weeks earlier.  Because it was then that I received the steroid shots to help develop Kendrick's lungs.  Without which he may have died or at the very least been in critical condition.  After a moment of silence I started to cry.  There really is purposes in everything.  The Dr. grabbed my hand and told me I could take Kendrick home with me that day.  I couldn't believe what he was saying.  I asked him if he was serious.  He told me that as long as he kept eating the way he was that there was no reason to keep him there.  The antibiotics and different medications they had given Kendrick in the hospital seemed to be working.  

I called Jeremy and let him know the good news.  I know he was in shock we did not expect this at all! Jeremy came to the hospital we ran some more tests and did all the normal baby stuff we hadn't done yet.  DTAB, Hearing testing, Car Seat Test, PKU, a BATH! Then we went home!!!

When we arrived home my in-laws had bought us a bassinet and set it all up perfect.  Again I was overwhelmed.  Later on that night my mom brought Karston, Kiana, and Desmond home.  They hadn't had the opportunity to see Kendrick up close yet.  When they came in I knew my life was good!  I'm so lucky to have 4 amazing kids!  They all were so excited to have baby Kendrick and me home to stay.

Yesterday I took Kendrick into the Dr. to make sure everything is still going well.  He is doing GREAT!  He is in the 2% of everything weight, head, and length.  The Doctor joked around with me that I liked to do things extreme because Karston was always in the 110% of everything.  

While at the Dr. office Vicki the Doctors nurse told me how she knows a angel was watching out for my little guy and how there really is a method to all of the madness out there.  When she said this I knew how right she was!  I am so thankful that I know that my Heavenly Father knows all and though I don't always understand why I know all things happen for a reason and if I put my life in his hands everything will work out in the end!