Forgiveness is truly a Miracle

This past weekend was the Summerfest. It really didn't feel much like summer at all!!! We were all bundled up in sweaters and blankets. It was really cold! But, so so worth it!! The parade was FUN, and the Fireworks were amazing!!

I truly can't remember a year (rain, snow, sun) that my family has missed the Summerfest. We are there every year!! It is a constant in my life amongst a world of chaos (I wonder if that is why I love it so much?)

I feel like it was not only raining outside this weekend but, inside my house also! Kendrick and Desmond came down with Roseola or Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease (two different doctors, two different diagnosis) Oh well, either way they had really high fevers and horrible rashes. They were both miserable.

You know how it is when your kids are sick and they want to be held all the time. Everything else seems to fall apart. The laundry stacks up and dishes are left uncleaned in the sink. All the little things I do each day that don't seem like that big of a deal at the time start adding up.

So to say the least I have been a little stressed out. I wasn't able to go to church on Sunday worried that the boys would still be contagious. I hate missing church!! It really uplifts my spirits and helps rejuvenate me for the up-coming week. So the kids and I had church at home. It turned out really cute!! Karston taught a great lesson! Desmond led us all in song. Kiana had me read a story from the friend. Kendrick slept (yes, Thank you angel baby) and I enjoyed just being with my kids!

Lately I have had a really hard time sleeping! I am up until the early hours of the morning! Its insane, I'm not watching TV or reading a good book. I just purely can't go to sleep. On average each night I have been sleeping about 4 hours.

The other night I made the decision to do something useful with my time since I was up anyway. I started making a list of things I could do (p90x for the 2nd time, clean, laundry, update my status on Facebook) none of things truly felt like it was what I was supposed to be doing. I know what you are thinking right now. That's because I should be sleeping. I know, I know.....

Well, while I was laying in bed contemplating what I should do. I leaned over to grab the remote for the DVD player. But, the remote was missing from its usual spot on my night stand. Urgh I thought to myself. Which one of the kids moved the remote? I crawled onto the floor and started my search for the remote.

I glanced around the room and couldn't see it. I decided to look under the bed, I lifted the dust ruffle and there it was. But, it wasn't within arms reach, it was all the way in the middle of the floor under my bed. So I shimmied myself under the bed (I know imagine this you will all get a good laugh) the whole time I'm doing this I was contemplating how I was going to get back out?, What would happen if I got stuck?, and a few other things like what if I encounter a spider. Well as I was slithering under the bed I noticed a book under the bed also. I grabbed the remote and kept moving forward toward the book (what was a book doing under my bed anyway?) I finally reached the book and started my backward slitter out from underneath my California king bed.

As my body completely exited the underside of my bed I felt grateful that I hadn't snagged my clothing or gotten stuck. I situated myself back on the bed and finally took a look at the book that was under my bed.

The book that was hiding under my bed was "The Miracle of Forgiveness" I took a look at this book. It was old and tattered, it was a copy I had purchased 10 years ago. I bought this book when my Institute teacher encouraged each of us to read it and to truly come to a understanding of the atonement.

I sat there contemplating the book turning pages and remembering lessons and things I had learned when I had read that book so many years ago. I noticed notes and specific lines I had underlined and highlighted. My mind was flooded with memories.

I sat down the remote and decided my time would better much better spent studying this great book. I wondered if my life experiences would change my perspective. I wondered if I would learn the same lessons if I read this book again. I knelt down beside my bed and asked my Heavenly Father to be with me while reading this book and to help me look and to learn from its words in a new perspective, one that would benefit my life now!

I began to read and read and read some more. The pages seemed to fly by. I completely lost track of time. My mind was so engrossed in what I was learning. This was exactly what I needed! I lost myself in this marvelous book!

As the pages kept turning I realized I was almost done reading the entire book. I didn't want to look at the time or stop because I didn't want to loose the momentum I had. I kept reading determined to learn what I needed to learn.

As the book came to a close I turned to look at the clock 4:45am. I layed down on my pillow and found myself asleep for about 15 minutes then I heard Kendrick wake up and Karston coming up the stairs. I layed there thinking to myself (I wish I could sleep why did I stay up all night??) Karston came into my room with Kendrick in his arms "look Mom I brought you Kendrick, I'm being good already this morning" In my mind I was thinking if he only knew. But, I smiled at him and told him thank you and took Kendrick from him.

My mind kept going back to the words I had read early that morning. I knew there was some reason I needed to have read that book.

I went throughout my day very tired and I'm sure grumpy. The kids were sick, I was tired, and life is just hard. That day seemed to last forever. The minutes crept along like hours and hours like days. I was so looking forward to night! I was looking forward to alone time and hopefully sleep.

Night time finally arrived and the kids were in bed. I thought back on the previous night and wondered if it was really worth staying up all night reading?? I really am crazy I thought to myself.

I got my pjs on and was getting ready for bed when I had a experience that I can honestly say changed me. I felt something lifted from me. It was amazing!!! Like I was floating!! At that moment I understood exactly why I had read "The Miracle of Forgiveness" It all made sense and it was truly Amazing! The feeling I felt was not only the feeling of being forgiven but, the feeling to be able to forgive.

My eyes filled with tears and I knew this was exactly what I needed!!! I went back to my night stand and grabbed the book and reread some of the passages I had underlined. Why hadn't this dawned on me before? This book was not just about being forgiven but, it was a guideline of how to forgive.

I am so thankful for this sweet experience! I know because of this experience it truly has changed my life.

I'm thankful for my strong belief in the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I owe all that I am and everything I want to become to that.

I encourage all of those who are reading this post to go out and read for the first time or the hundredth time "The Miracle of Forgiveness" read it and allow the spirit to feel your heart! Allow the spirit to teach you what you personally need to learn. Whether it be that you can be forgiven, how to forgive others, or how to forgive yourself. I promise that you will feel exactly what I did a weight lifted and your heart healed.